What is Personal Development?
When most people think of personal development they think hobbies and interests being developed either as an individual or as a couple. Personal development looks at you, your life, your relationships -all of them – and your career. It usually means being able to look at how you think, feel and behave in your everyday life. Personal development starts with looking at what the stages of change are? Looking at this stages in detail helps you understand where you are in the process of that change. This will empower you to change and not feel so out f control during the process. Then it will look at stress reduction ( see below for some tips with this) and find a better life/work balance is so important for everyone. Looking at behaviour types – how you behave and what type of behaviour type you are informs you of how you can change, if you need to, but also what behaviour type other people are. This can help you deal with them better in your work and personal life. Being able to be assertive is so important also, we need to be able to stand up for ourselves without coming off as weak or aggressive. Self-talk (positive and negative) another area a lot of people need to work on, self-talk is those voices we have in our head telling us god and bad stuff. Sometimes we need to ask “who owns that voice in my head?” “Can I hand it back?” Yes, you can and change the conversation completely – affirmations can help with this. Other areas people like to work on with personal development is self-esteem, self-respect and creating healthy boundaries, these are all so important in helping you lead the life you want, knowing what you value and living a life according to those values. Learning to say no and yes, where appropriate and not being someone else doormat is part of this work. With this information in mind, you can see why personal development can lead to problems and solutions in relationships.
Why Do You Need Personal Development in A Relationship?
But what about personal development as a means to help build you as an individual while still in a relationship? What would it feel like for one partner to support the other or each other, while they build up their self-esteem and self-confidence, or maybe go through therapy, become more assertive, look at how they behave or how they think -negatively or positively? What could that possibly do for their relationship? Would it bring with it the death blow to that relationship or would it just build up a stronger foundation in that relationship? Most people don’t even think of personal development at all until they face a crisis in their lives and end up seeking professional help.
So have you ever thought about looking at your own personal development and seeing it as something you could work on as an individual, or as a couple before it becomes a crisis? Could this be something that would hearld a new you? Probably. would it mean the death of your relationship? Maybe not, it’s something only you will decide after you have explored all your options of being the new you. Either way, we are not meant as humans to stand still in our personal growth nor in our relationships, we are meant to grow together. We have a responsibility in our personal relationships to help each other grow too.
What Can You Do To Promote Personal Development In Your Relationship?
- Good communication is the key to any good relationship. Being able to talk with your partner about anything is so important. Many couples can be great at this, at the beginning of the relationship, but this type of openness can fall by the wayside as you have children, your lives get busier, etc. You need to make time each week for you as a couple. A date night each week is a great idea and it doesn’t have to cost anything, a simple walk together with the purpose of just reconnecting without the distractions of work and home life. If this has become a problem for you both you need to be honest about it and might try some therapy, to just help you learn to communicate with each other again.
- Support each other’s personal development. So if one of you decides to work on one part of their life, the other should be more than willing to offer encouragement and support.
- Do your own personal development. This is so important, as I’ve said it’s our responsibility to grow as an individual and this does have a positive impact on all our relationships.
- Ask for help, both as a couple and as an individual. It takes so much courage at times to ask for help, but don’t be afraid, help will always be there for you no matter what.
How can I help myself today?
- Make reducing your stress a habit. Using a technique of sensory diversion to help you. Start small. Sart by using a testing your quick stress relief tool with a predictable low-level source of stress, like cooking dinner at the end of a long day or sitting down to pay bills. Identify and target. Think of just one low-level stressor that you know will occur several times a week, such as commuting. Vow to target that stressor with quick stress relief every time. After a few weeks, target a second stressor and so on. Test-drive sensory input. If you are practising quick stress relief on your commute to work, bring a scented handkerchief with you one day, try music another day, and try a movement the next day. Keep experimenting until you find a clear winner in self-soothing. (Self-soothing using the senses part 1 is here for you to bring this process of change) Have fun with the process. If something doesn’t work, don’t force it. Move on until you find what works best for you. It should be pleasurable and you should feel noticeably calming. Talk about it. Telling friends or family members about the stress-relief strategies you’re trying out will help you integrate them into your life. It’s bound to start a fascinating conversation as everyone can relate to the topic of stress. A stress reduction tool can also be a type of relaxation or you could use the bet tool instead.
- Take up a form of relaxation: A very quick form of relaxation and an easy and also effective method is to count while you breathe in and out. You can try 5 counts in and 7 counts out or any other number combination you are comfortable with. Try this for 3 minutes building up to 10 minutes to see great results.
- Start a journal and let go of all your daily emotions into it at the end of each day.
- Practice gratitude. Write 3 things down that you are grateful for at the end of your journal each night before bed.
- Be honest with yourself first and foremost is vital. Ask for help if you need it.
- Remember: It’s okay to love someone else, but remember to love yourself first and a little more.
We offer personal development courses for individuals and couples. If you would like an appointment please call 089 4373641 today.