I’m not going to lie, it is very hard to find time for yourself as a parent, particularly when you have a baby or toddler. It does get a bit easier the older they get, you can take some time for yourself and as a couple. 

What Does Research Tell Us?

Research tells us that parents need about 20 minutes a day to decompress. Plus a longer period of time at weekends. The key to this time is to feel rejuvenated afterwards so choose wisely.

I’ve listed some ways in which you might be able to incorporate some time off from your kids. I would say your number one priority is to let go of the guilt. Remember you need time as a grown-up too, away from your children to interact with other adults and feel like an individual again not just mum or dad.

You need to remember too that you have to accept that there will be bad and good days also, so don’t stress it and just go with the flow.

Some Ideas To Get You Started

1. If you’re at home with your children use nap time for yourself, not as a time to catch up on cleaning etc., but as a time just for you.
2. Get up earlier than the children and again use this time just for yourself. I know this can be hard as you may have had interrupted sleep and every moment to catch up on your sleep is precious. If this is the case then I suggest you take a nap too when they do, the clean etc., will be there later. Or stay up later and enjoy time as a couple or time alone.
3. Have a good menu planning system in place so you can go shopping only once a week and maybe batch cook together as a couple on weekends. Never be afraid to ask for help or use home delivery and online shopping to save you time here. This will free time and reduce stress during the week, especially if you’re both working.
4. If a store has a playgroup use it, nothing like being able to shop without kids. If they do not either ask your partner to mind the children while you shop (grocery or otherwise) or use a babysitter each week. Again ask family or friends to help, never turn down the offer of a free babysitter!
5. Meet up with other parents in groups such as a mother and toddler group, the local library offer reading groups also for parents and kids. This may take some investigating but ask friends and family to help and hunt down more groups in your locality.
6.  Learn to multitask, while out pushing the pram listen to an audiobook or music. or while cooking you can do the same.
7. Take time for yourself while they are in playgroup or school. Don’t use that time to clean or cook, but get the kids involved in these activities when they come home. Use that time to have some time for you andtrain the kids to help around the home. Don’t feel guilty about this, they need to learn these vital skills to take care of themselves in later life.
8. Keep a “me” time list, so if you get the chance to grab 15 minutes for yourself you can check this list. You can check out a series of blogs I wrote on self-soothing (or good habits) for some ideas here.
9. Use a babysitter on a regular basis (free or paid) and don’t feel guilty about it, then use that time for just yourself or as a couple.
10. Have playdates and again use that time for you. Again you can work this out with other friends so that each of you gets some time off during the week or month. But make sure everyone takes their equal share of having a play date, if someone isn’t pulling their weight, dump them!
11. Schedule the time off each week or month, you and your partner can take turns having a day or afternoon just for yourself in the week or month. If you get this planned between you then it should be no problem.
12. Learn to lock the door while you have a bath, kids are being supervised by your other half, now it’s your turn to relax in the bath. Or lock the study or bedroom door and read a book, use it for hobby time etc., go back to your “me” time list and pick something.
13. Take up a night class, or have a hobby from home that helps you switch off. Again this goes to using a babysitter or your partner to watch the kids and scheduling in time for yourself each week. Night classes can be more about social interaction with other adults than the actual class topic. If you feel overly guilty take up something that you can use in your business or work, to begin with.
14. Use your lunchtime to exercise, have fun or as hobby time.
15. Do fun things outdoors with your kids too.  Never be afraid to get outside and have some fun with the kids. Use this as exercise time too for all the family and to teach them about the history of their locality.
16. Have nights out as a couple and with family and friends also. Remember the children grow up so quickly and at the end of the day, you need to invest time and effort into your relationships too to keep it strong.
17. Divide the chores between yourself and your partner at weekends. And on weekdays such as getting the kids dressed in the morning, cooking, cleaning, transporting kids to school or babysitter each morning etc. This reduces stress on both of you and frees up some time that can be spent on you and as a couple.
18. Use a family calendar to coordinate everyone’s schedules,  either in the kitchen or online, such as Google calendar. Use this to keep on top of all family activities, schedule time off for yourself and as a couple etc., first thing each month.

As I said in the opening paragraph, parents need time for themselves. It’s so easy to lose our identity as an individual and our relationship as a couple when the children arrive.

You can start to feel swamped by all things “child”. You do need to take time for you to retain your interests and hobbies and just to de-stress every day. It’s a hard job raising children.

Plus you need to work on your relationship if you want to keep it alive long after the children have grown up and flown the nest. Children need to see you model this healthy behaviour for them. If you lose your identity to that of mum or dad, it isn’t healthy for them to see this. They need to see you as an individual with needs and wants of your own.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.