Temper tantrums can be very hard to witness as any parent will tell you. They usually occur in 1 to 3 year old children. These temper tantrums may seem out of control to witness. But they are the child’s way of expressing strong emotions that they are unable to express in what we would consider socially acceptable ways.

What Are Tantrums?

Tantrums are most likely to occur with the child’s parents, or main caregiver, and are the child’s way of communicating their feelings. The child feels safest with their parents and this allows for the explosion of pent up emotions to spill out.

As a parent you may feel that your child is out of control. Stomping, screaming, throwing items or themselves on the ground is common. But they are in fact a normal part of child development.

A child will usually grow out of them as they learn to communicate their needs and emotions better. It is vital though that as a parent you begin to understand tantrums. To understand the why and what the situation was that kicked off the tantrum in the first place. This will give you a better idea of how to handle the tantrum and help your child work towards a solution.

Causes Of Temper Tantrums.

There may be a variety of causes as to your child’s temper tantrum. But as a child learns to become more independent they find it frustrating not to be able to do the things they feel they should be. We as adults and parents can understand this, as we too can feel frustrated when we can’t do things easily and quickly either at times.

It should be noted, that just like adults, emotions are stronger when then child is hungry, tired, lonely, angry or sick. As parents we should bare that in mind.

Common Reasons For Tantrums. 

Some of the general reasons a toddler might have a temper tantrum are:

1. Are they sick or are they starting to come down with a bug/infection? This is the age when they start to catch everything.
2. Are they on the move? For example moving between home and nursery or back again.
3. Are they over tired?
4. Are they hungry?
5. Has their usual routine been knocked out for some reason?
6. Are they able to communicate all their emotions yet? Remember children learn to talk at different stages. They could be upset, want something, unable to do something and be unable to communicate this with you.
7. Are they using the temper tantrum to get your attention? It could have worked once for a perfectly good reason and now they are doing it again for attention or to test home rules?
8. Has a family member or pet died they were close to?
9. Have they changed babysitter/nursery? Or has a new person started working there? A new child joined they might not like?
10. Have they lost something? For example a favourite toy or item they sleep with.
11. Do they really understand what you want them to do? It may seem pretty obvious to you but put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Are your instructions clear enough for them to understand yet?
12. Has your work pattern changed recently?
13. Are you upset or stressed? They will pick up on this.

A little investigation work will be need to get to the root cause of your child’s tantrums. Parents should also be aware that tantrums will happen less often as children get older. Your toddler should also act and play normally between tantrums.

Reasons To Consult Your Main Doctor.

But you should consult your GP/main doctor if you notice any of the following:

1. The temper tantrums last longer, happens more frequently, and are severe in nature.
2. Your child has language development difficulties. They are having trouble talking, or expressing their needs and wants.
3. Temper tantrums continuing beyond 3/4 years of age. This could be a symptom of another condition.

Preventing Temper Tantrums 

As I said a little investigation on your part will help you to help your child. Yes tantrums can turn up sometimes without warning. But are more likely to occur when the child is sick, tired, hungry, lonely or becoming upset.

Getting to know your child’s patterns and triggers will help you to plan ahead. Use a notebook to work through what occurred prior to your child’s tantrum. This will help you work out the patterns and triggers.

Helping Yourself And Your Child.

The following suggestions may help you prevent, or minimize, your child’s tantrums.

1. Sticking to routines is essential while you are working towards prevention or minimization. So make sure your child has a good sleep routine, regular meals and try to avoid going on long journeys or changing their routine very often.
2. Make sure your child has their favourite toy or teddy with them at all times. You can use it to distract them.
3. Set reasonable expectations. Don’t expect them to do things they are simply not able to do. Or expect them to do something just because another child of that age can do it. Remember children develop at different stages to one another and your child will reach their own milestones in their own time.
4. Preparation is key. If you prepare your child for upcoming events and changes in routine you will help ease their frustration a great deal. So talk about any upcoming events, holiday and things that will happen well in advance. Marking things up on a family calendar will help, marking off the days to the event, as long as they are involved with the exercise.
5. Explain home and nursery rules to them. You will need to remind them often.
6. Be consistent with these rules. There is nothing worse than the rules changing for an adult. Imagine what happens in the mind of a small child.
7. Be consistent in your response to your child’s tantrum. Stay calm, do not try to hold them, never spank them. Ignore them until they stop. Unless they are in danger, from themselves, objects in the room or to others, or they hold their breath to cause fainting. Keep doing what you were doing prior to the tantrum. Never give in or use bribes to stop the tantrum. Both of these tactics will only set the child up for learning inappropriate responses to get their way.
8. NB When your child has calmed down ask them to try to explain to what they want or need. Explain to them that tantrums will not work and they are better off talking things through with you. Don’t do this if you are rushed. You need to spend time with your child. Hug them, tell them how much you love them, and reassure them it will be okay.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.