About one in eight men will be diagnosed with a mental illness compared with one in five women. But we believe that figure could be higher as men as less likely to seek help.

Some common examples of mental illness include stress, depression, anxiety, OCD, PostNatal Depression in Dads, panic disorders, eating disorders. Yes guys can have Postnatal depression and eating disorders too and the latter is on the increase.  

More Awareness Is Needed.

Men are more prone to “bottle it up” and not talk about it. They see it as a vulnerability, a feminine trait that makes them appear weak. In fact, to talk about mental illness of any kind is seen as a weakness. They are also highly likely to pretend all is well because of this perceived weakness and possibly thrown themselves into their work making matters worse.

It is a sad fact that society has bred this into them. Men are often taught to suppress any expression of emotions, particularly public displays even in front of partners, during childhood. One we hope can be changed by more awareness from men’s mental health campaigners, schools programs on wellness and mental health and the current generation of parents.

One very frightening figure and the reason, if none other, people should start getting more awareness going are the stats surrounding suicide. Men are 3.5 times more like to commit suicide than women. It is perhaps only after they have faced a crisis themselves that they begin to openly talk about mental health issues.

Let’s Talk About Hormones.

Women are also more open to talking and cry about their issues than men. This isn’t just due to society’s accepted norm regarding this. But also about something a man can’t help really at all, it comes down to a lack of oxytocin (a hormone and a neurotransmitter) in men. Oxytocin is more commonly known for its role in childbirth. It can sometimes be called the “love hormone” due to its role in bonding or mating. But it plays a role in men’s brian’s too.

Women are more likely to have this hormone running through their system in much larger quantities than men. Thus making them more willing to talk and share what’s going on. Women will opt for the “tend and befriend” while stressed. While men will opt more for the fight or flight strategy. They are more likely to use escapism or individual sports to deal with life’s stresses. They will get angrier with family, a partner, and friends and/or push these people away perhaps withdrawing into themselves. Or they will also become more critical of partners if they have one or if not with a close family member or friend.

One thing they will notice about themselves will be that they feel uncomfortable in their own skin. You as their partner may notice it also by how they make comments about themselves, their jobs or life in general.

Men Use A Different Language Than Women.

Men are more like to use a different language than women. This is more like they are talking about a piece of equipment or engineering than describing their emotions/feelings or their mental health.

They’ll use words like:

1. strain
2. tolerance level
3. lack of resilience
4. at breaking point
5. inflexibility, etc.

Nothing you could really say was a word best used when describing an emotion or feeling.

Men are more like to also talk about symptoms rather than emotions (or you could notice these).

These symptoms could range from:

1. feeling tired
2. forgetful
3. inability to sleep
4. irritability
5. lack of motivation
6. a loss in concentration
7. they may complain about a neck or lower back pain (a common complaint in stress)
8. reoccurring headaches
9. or use drink, gambling or drugs to cope at the end of the day
10. angrier
11. more critical
12. or more withdrawn than usual, hobbies and interests might have started to go by the wayside slowly
13. they may start having trouble in work with unfinished projects or missing deadlines.

They May Avoid Problems.

Further in, when problems have been avoided, doctors not attended soon enough. They make suffer from:

1.  chest pains,
2. digestive problems
3. elevated blood pressure or heart rate
4. skin eruptions
5. sexual problems

Or they will simply crash and have a crisis. I’m not saying that men are the only ones to behave like this. Not at all, the more alpha type females can also behave like this and land themselves in crisis mode also.

How To Help A Partner Or Close Family Member/Friend?

Remember you can’t change someone else. Please ask for help if you need it. You don’t have to put up with bad behaviour. But you can show compassion and keep the lines of communications open at all times.

Recognise that men are not going to express themselves the same as you (women). You need to understand how they talk or any symptoms (see above and get to know them) they have may mean they are overstressed and in need of help. In saying that you can persuade them to seek help from their GP first.

Never use criticism or get angry, it won’t work. In fact by simply giving them a hug (which will raise their oxytocin levels ) and letting them know you’re there for them no matter what, would be more effective.

You can encourage them to:

1. Eat better and get more exercise. You can create more nutritious meals and get him taking a walk with you each evening.
2.  Improve sleep (or seek help with this) make sure to start by removing all TV’s and electronic devices from the room, you ‘ll sleep better too.
3. Reduce stress levels (see blog here) and seek help if needed from a therapist to talk through issues.
4. Take up meditation (blog here) or other forms of relaxation.
5. Take up good habits instead of using bad ones as a coping mechanism. (blogs start here)
6. Seek help for any medical or dental issues (these can be left on the long finger by those with mental health issues or high-stress levels)
7. Help him learn about good time management skills. Maybe looking up a blog or podcast for this.
8. Schedule some alone time for both of you, without the pressure for sex if this has become an issue. You may have to take on the responsibility of arranging something and getting a babysitter. A great night for both of you may be a comedy show or film which will help to relax you both.
9. Give him some space, most guys need this. In fact, some people need this if they are empaths. They need this time just to recharge their batteries before dealing with anyone else.
10. Get him to have the boys over or go for a boys night out. It will help him to relax and become more social, particularly if he’s become more withdrawn.

Realise that change won’t happen overnight either and neither will the symptoms reduce overnight. But keep at it and as I’ve said keep the line of communications open.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life.

If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.