A healthy relationship with someone else is something that we may want. But a healthy relationship is one based on both people having healthy boundaries. It also requires effort by both parties to maintain the health of their relationship.

Each relationship will look different as the two people involved bring their own strengths and weaknesses to it. But both parties should feel confident, positive, loved, wanted and useful. Plus have their opinions valued and respected even if you disagree with one another.

Healthy Relationship Have Healthy Foundations.

A healthy relationship requires foundations that both individuals are required to work on to maintain. These include trust, honesty, respect, friendship, openness, support and good communication skills from both of you. If these foundations are not present, or being built up, then it should indicate some major red flags for you.

Where one party appears to be mistrusting, disrespectful, etc., then it is time to ask why you would want to continue this relationship. Remember, you cannot change anyone else only yourself. If the person is unwilling to enter into therapy, then only you can decide if it is worth staying.

But the early warning sign I’m talking about day is one where I would suggest you do walk away and get help. Please be mindful of your own safety here as well.

Controlling Or Demanding Personality Types In Relationships.

If one of you has a controlling, or demanding personality, it is unlikely to change. If you are seeing this early on in the relationship it could be a major red flag for what is to come. To fix this would require the person to admit to having problems, seek, and actively engage in a treatment program. You cannot change this person. They are the only ones who can change themselves with support from therapy.

These types of personality issues could also indicate a personality disorder such as psychopath, sociopath or narcissistic personality. This is a major red flag. You simply cannot have a healthy relationship with one of these personality types. You need to leave this type of person behind and protect yourself.

This person could also be someone who has been around addiction or has suffered childhood abuse, neglect or trauma of some kind. If this is the case the individual needs therapy. But only they can decide that for themselves. Again it will be up to you if you feel you can cope in this relationship but you will also need the support of a therapist/support group.

A Note On The Possibility Of Domestic Violence In These Relationships.

Having a controlling or demanding partner could also indicate that domestic violence will be present in the relationship. It could already be present in the relationship in some covert way. This could be in the form of gaslighting/coercive control. This can be very subtle and most domestic violence builds slowly over time. Be aware of the signs of coercive control/gaslighting tactics that can be used. Please reach out for help and support as soon as you can.

A healthy relationship certainly is not one based on power and control. This is where one person tries to exert control and domination over the other person. It doesn’t involve one party living in fear of retribution or retaliation if they try to maintain a healthy boundary with the other person. If you have found yourself feeling this way please reach out for support to one of the organisations list below.

My Book.

In my book, The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, I provide easy and quick strategies to get you back feeling rebalanced and maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself. The book also includes all the worksheets you need to take you step by step through the process. You can purchase it on Amazon or through my website.

Support Phone No’s & Websites

UK Supports For Domestic Violence

• National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
• Refuge 0808 2000 247
• Men’s Advice Line, for male DV survivors 0808 801 0327
• The Mix, info & support under 25s   0808 808 4994
• National LGBT+ DV 0800 999 5428
• Samaritans 116 123

Ireland Supports For Domestic Violence

• Women’s Aid 1800 341 900
• Men’s Aid 01 554 3811
• LGBTQ+ 1890 929 539
• Childline 1800 666 666 TXT 50101
• Samaritans 116 123