Toxic family can be the hardest to set boundaries and deal with over Christmas. For some they don’t realize how hard their negativity is to be around. But others are even more toxic and have little regard for others. Here are two tips to help you deal with them?

 1 Have Your Deflections Ready.

Once you know what the Christmas plans are then you can put in place some plans to help deal with toxic family members if you cannot avoid them. One of these could be to use deflection if you get stuck talking to the person you are trying to avoid.

People will love to talk about their favourite topics. Get them started and you’ll deflect them from whatever it was they were originally talking about or trying to interfere with. If you are hosting then ask them to help you e.g. set the table, help with the children, make a part of the meal, prep vegetables, etc.

The important thing is to have a list of topics you can use with that particular person before the family gathering. You know your family, you know which ones can be negative and you know what topics they love to talk about and you can use to deflect them. Simply be prepared. Get some topic ideas prepared beforehand, topics you know they love to talk about or that are safe. Anything you can use that will deflect their attention and get them off their negative topics.

Note: If you have to interact with toxic people in your family then it’s better if you don’t host an event. That way when things get too much you can have an excuse ready so you can leave. Or you are better able to set specific time limits on your interactions.

2 Remember Never Take The Bait.

Family, in particular siblings, seem to know how to push the right buttons. Don’t take the bait. I know it’s hard. But if you stop dancing with the other person they have no partner to dance with. Help yourself to stay out of the drama by not drinking while around toxic people.

Again using deflection here can be your best friend, interrupt them, speak over them, and ask about someone else or change the subject. Get someone else talking about a new topic, then slip away. But you also have the option if this doesn’t work to simply get up and leave them talking to themselves. Yes they may make a scene about you doing this. You can leave the event. That is an option for you. Plus remember if you find this person toxic, or difficult to deal with, then chances are other family members do too. They will understand.

Having a set time limit for how long you will remain at any event is always a good thing. Arrange this in advance with your other half. Plus prepare the host in advance by saying you can only stay for a certain amount of time. At a family event it can be easy to get involved with the children. Take them for a walk or outside to play may give you enough time to allow things to calm down. If this doesn’t work then have a signal with your other half that means it’s time to leave.

If you cannot leave you can focus your attention elsewhere. Try to use other means to anchor yourself emotionally while the drama unfolds if you can’t leave. Move away from others and use the 3 minute breather can help. Pop off to the bathroom and re-centre yourself with this technique or use another grounding technique. Even the old counting to 10 a few times also helps. Then when you go back, interact with someone else or help the host. Don’t go back towards the negative person and minimize contact with them as best you can until you can leave.

The point with dealing with negative family over Christmas is to have a plan in place to help you cope. So make sure you have some ideas prepared in advance you can use.

Reach Out For Support.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist. Please reach out to a local therapist if you need to.

My Workbooks

I offer a variety of tips and discuss a range of topics in my workbooks The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, Moving Towards Self-forgiveness, The Little Book Of Reflection And Gratitude and Building Acceptance Into Your Life. You can purchase them on Amazon or here.