The 21/90 Day Rule 

Less than 10% of us will succeed at the New Year resolutions we set on January 1^st. But don’t get disheartened by those statistics. There is a way around it to help you be more successful.

We can use the 21/90 day rule to help increase our likelihood of success. The 21/90 day rule came about as the result of a misinterpretation of the research by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. It was reported that you could gain a new habit within 21 days. But in reality it is more likely we need far longer to make a habit a permanent one.

You see for any new habit to be added to our life it must become a permanent part of our lifestyle. That takes time. In fact, we need to consistently repeat the new habit over 90 days for it to become a permanent lifestyle change. It can take 21 days to help it become a habit in the first place. But we need between 60 to 90 days to make it a permanent life change.

A Few Key Points.

Consistency and taking small actionable steps are what is important here. Your brain needs to lay down a new pathway from your actionable steps. So that we then have an automatic process to use after 90 days. So a little planning, and setting up starting and finishing times to complete the new habit, will also be a vital component.

That time period might seem daunting when you read it, especially if you have already failed with your resolutions. But you can start again at any time. New goals/habits/resolutions are not just for January 1^st. The fact that you are reading this proves you are not about to just give up. You want to succeed and with a little more information you will!

Plan Ahead To Succeed

If you want your new habits (I’ll use habits to also mean goals/resolutions here) to stick then you need to plan ahead. You need to make this a project and treat it like any other type of project. With a planning phase, a creating phase, an actionable small step phase (this is where you implement it) and a finish date or deadline.

So here are some steps you can initially take.

1. Get out your calendar/planner and pick a timeline. You need to work in 12 week or 90 day blocks for each habit.
2. Mark timeline off in your calendar. You now have your start and finish dates.
3. Now create you why, this will give you your metal boost. This is vital as your why will keep you motivated when you hit a motivational block, like the 3 day hump etc. (I discuss this in more detail in my new book). What is your why? This new habit is not a one off event but rather a new piece to add to your lifestyle. Why are you doing it? Why do you want this new habit or change to exist? Will this habit fit into your lifestyle? We need to add habits that will start to create the life you desire. But if they work against your values and beliefs (before you change them) you will probably sabotage yourself.
4. Once you have your why you need to divide your new habit into manageable small actionable steps. You don’t want to burn yourself out too quickly. So small, slow, steady and consistent is best. The smaller the better, you simply cannot go from couch to a 5 km run in one week. It’s impossible. So perhaps your smaller steps could be a 10 minute walk 3 times a week and build up from there.
5. These small actionable steps have to be planned into your week. Mark them off at a specific time on your calendar. Set a reminder on your phone might also be a good idea.
6. Now add in your cues. So when will you complete your new habit? Remember it needs to fit into your current lifestyle. What happens before your action step will be your cue. For example, you decide you will go for your 10 minute walk at lunchtime every second day. So when lunchtime arrives that’s your cue for your walk.
7. Eliminate any distractions or trips. What could trip you up and set you up to fail? If your new walking routine is to build a healthier lifestyle overall then perhaps walking by a sweet shop or cake shop, where you know you will be tempted to buy something, is not a good walking route for you. You can eliminate this by changing your walking route. If your habit is to meditate each day then having notifications running on your phone will only set you up for a distraction. So stopping these during that time would be a good idea or leaving your phone in another room. So think ahead now. What could set you up for failure or distract me during my new habit? Think this through and plan accordingly.
8. Remember to celebrate all the small wins along the way. You need those small wins to continue and build your motivation and resilience. So create a treat and reward system (see below)
9. Don’t knock yourself if you make a mistake. Or fail to show up for one session. Adjust accordingly and continue the next day. This is vitally important to remember. It is far more important for you to start again the next day and continue on than just give up at the first hurdle. Everyone stumbles but the difference between those that succeed and fail is that the former don’t knock themselves mentally/verbally. They also pick themselves up and continue with their plans the next day.
10. Get an accountability buddy. You don’t have to work on building the same habit but the person has to be positive and supportive for you.
11. Yes the negative vampires in your life will try to knock you. Having your accountability partner (support group) will be important at these times. If you are not working to delete these people then minimise contact with them. Remember its okay to not tell people what your new habit is. Quietly working with your supporter(s) is okay. People can get frightened when we start to change so everyone might not be supportive at first. Your persistence will win around those that truly have your best interests at heart and these are the only people you need in your life. Let go of others and their dramas.
12. Take time at the end of your day to review how things are going. Do you need to adjust something? You will probably find you do, particularly in the first few weeks. At the end of the each week take time to plan out the next week including the time allocated each day for your new habit.

Breaking Old Habits

Remember, if you are trying to break an old negative habit then it will take the same length of time to change it as building in a new habit. You can also use some of the steps above to help yourself. In particular an accountability buddy/support team plus eliminating any trips/distractions are important.

Replacing one positive habit for a negative one is important also. Or you are more likely to create another negative habit to replace the one you are giving up. You will do this unconsciously. So give some thought to what you will replace it with before you start.

So if you are trying to give something up, what will you do instead of that habit? How will you spend the time? Do you need to distract your mind and body in a positive way instead?

For example giving up smoking (support here) you might find you need something for your hands to do now, so painting, knitting etc. You will also need something to keep your mind distracted during cravings. They usually only last a few minutes if we can distract your mind with something else. Like a 3 minute breather meditation, making a phone call to a friend, etc. Or if you know you have a particular time during the day when you will be more tempted then having things from your to do list ready to use for that time.

You’ll get a list of positive habits you can try here.

Creating A Treats And Rewards System For Motivation.

We need to celebrate our small wins every day to gain motivation. Motivation won’t necessarily come automatically at the start. So creating a small celebration for each small step completed will, alongside your why, will give you the motivation and resilience to continue.

So creating a treats and rewards system will help you to accomplish this. How do you do that? Well first off treats should preferable cost nothing or at the very most €5 and are given freely and every day. Rewards are for bigger milestones, end of each week, month and on the finish date and these cost you more money. Never withhold treats and rewards as you will only set yourself up for mental negativity.

1. Grab a piece of blank paper you can keep it in your planner or on the fridge. Divide the page in two. On the top of one side write treats and on the other rewards.
2. Now brainstorm what these things could be for you. For example a treat could be a luxury soak in the bath, a cup of coffee, giving yourself some time to watch a favourite TV show or read a book. A reward could be lunch out with a friend or at the end of the 12 weeks a weekend break away. But only you can decide what would be a treat and a reward for you.
3. Now that you have your list, allocate each treat to a small actionable step and each reward each milestone (end of the week, and month and then on the finish date). Make sure to plan these in to your diary and never forget to follow through. They are also creating cues for your new habit.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No woman is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life.

If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.