Living Alone For The First Time?

No matter your age it can be a daunting experience.

So how can you help yourself?

 Stepping outside your family home and becoming an adult who is suddenly responsible for all your own income, home and medical requirements?  It can be very hard and for some of us we may not be able to achieve it.

It’s hard to take on these responsibilities all by yourself for the first time. Perhaps you are off to university or maybe you’re older and your circumstances have changed. Either way it’s the first time you find yourself having to take on all those responsibilities that you were used to sharing with others. 

It doesn’t matter how you got here, it still can feel daunting to live alone.

It’s another identity adjustment we need to make in life. That can be helped if we look at it in a more positive and actionable way. Because living alone for the first time is all at once exciting, overwhelming, and scary.

Plus it’s totally normal to feel every single emotion, including grief at the change, at this time too. How will I cope? Is the number one question people ask.

You will, you’ve got this! I have every faith in you. Lets’ look at some action steps you can take to help yourself.

What are some actionable steps you can take to help yourself?

1. Understand that you have got this and you’re good enough to do the job all by yourself.  Trust yourself, you can do this no matter what stage of your life you’re at -starting off, middle-aged or older. You got this! It’s all about trusting in yourself.
2. Value others’ opinions, but value your own more. Yes, it’s okay to ask for help, especially if you need it, please never be afraid to ask for help. But this is your life now and it’s up to you how you want to live it in the end.
3. Learn to be an observer. Look around you, see what others are doing in their lives. Can you learn from their experiences – the good and bad ones. Sit in a cafe and notice how others interact with one another. How strangers greet each other or interact in the supermarket queue. Don’t be in a rush, become an observer of human behaviour, you’ll learn a lot!
4. Close your eyes in a dark room and appreciate the silence. Okay, if you’ve ever had kids this is self-explanatory. Appreciating silence can be very mindful, restful and increases your other senses. If you’ve never had kids learn to appreciate this form of relaxation now.
5. Learn how to talk to yourself. A little self-talk, if positive, is brilliant, we all need to do this more often. Learn to check in with your self-talk, who’s tape is running in your head if it’s telling you-you can’t-do this! Yes, you can! You’ve got this, you’re a brave and wonderful human being and you can live in your own home, take care of yourself and your responsibilities. But if you are struggling with negative self-talk ask for help.
6. Cherish every interaction. Make time for friends and family. Enjoy your time together. Make time for your own self-care and that includes interacting with and having get-togethers with friends and family. Family occasions are great but we need to meet up with family/friends more often than that. Don’t isolate yourself. You may have to make the first move in arranging coffee, lunch, drinks or dinner dates, but do it. Living alone doesn’t mean isolating yourself. 
7. Rearrange your furniture. I know this is sounds simple, right? No, sometimes we just can’t-do that. Maybe you’ve lived with someone before this and can’t seem to find it in you to change anything in the home you share. But it’s your home too. So when you’re ready to make those changes do so.
8. Choose the right spot for your new home. You’ll want to find a house, or apartment, that is the right size for you. But it also needs to be in a convenient location for you. Sometimes we don’t have options around this, but if you do, make sure it fits into your lifestyle.
9. Be confident. Try not to get scared living on your own. If you need to work on your confidence, speak up and ask for help with this if you need it.
10. Embrace your freedom. Get out more, be self-sufficient, make your own decisions, try something new. Do things alone. This sounds obvious, I know, but a lot of people are afraid to do things by themselves. Travel alone, this can be done in other groups too. Go to the movies by yourself. Dine out alone, or just try coffee alone, bring a book, or ebook, to read if you feel self-conscious.
11. Don’t be or get cynical. People are friendly, the reason they may seem standoffish is that they’re afraid too. Making the first move to have a conversation with others will get them to open up to you. 
12. Foster other relationships and meet new people. Join groups, or take night classes, they are not just the realm of the older person. If at university or college, join clubs and societies. (Don’t forget if you’re older you can also go to university too, age isn’t a barrier anymore.)
13. Be honest with yourself, if this isn’t for you that’s okay. Maybe getting a tenant, or a flatmate, might be better than having no one in the house at night. Consider getting a pet if you can, pets can be great company.
14. Be nice to neighbours. Invite them in and get to know them. You don’t know if they will be your new friends. Even if you don’t end up being friends it is always a good idea to know who lives near you in case of trouble.
15. Have emergency numbers to hand.  Whether that is on your phone or where you can easily see them or find them in an emergency.
16. Invite new people in.  This just doesn’t apply to the new neighbours, but also any new people you meet at college/university or work colleagues you meet. You don’t have to invite them in to your home straight away. Perhaps meet up for coffee a few times to get to know them, then try lunch out. But eventually you will be able to know which ones to invite over for chat and coffee or lunch/dinner. 
17. Learn how to budget. It can be so easy to go over budget especially if you have never done this before. Learn now, it’s an important skill to have for life!

Living alone doesn’t mean isolation.

So living alone doesn’t mean isolating yourself or having to feel lonely. In fact, you can live in a house full of people and feel alone.

Take actionable steps to get out to meet people and make new friends. But don’t forget to meet up with old ones too and do things by yourself and with others.

Build your self-confidence up in small steps first. The more you do, and try something, the better you get at it. Taking a big step can sometimes lead to failure for some and mean we retreat back into the comfort of isolating ourselves again.

So baby steps are the way forward. We aren’t meant to be alone, we are very sociable beings, we need contact with others in order to survive and thrive in our lives.

Building up your self-care is important when you’re living alone. See my blog posts on the basics of self-care and creativity in self-care.  

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.