It is quite common for children to suffer with fear, anxiety and worry at times. Usually as children develop a greater sense of their world and explore their surroundings fear is an inevitable part of growing up. A fear of the dark, strangers, fire, thunderstorms, and animals, etc., may be common place and this usually resolves with the guidance of the parent.

How To Help Your Child Face Their Fears.

Offer Them Comfort And Reassurance.

No matter how old your child is they need your reassurance, comfort and safety of you and their home. This is a fundamental need for everyone of us. Please offer them words of comfort and reassurance such as “You’re safe, I’m here for you, I love you.” Something this simple can be a very important first step in helping them face any fear they might have.

Take The Time To Talk To Your Child.

Talking to your child about what is going on is another important step. You might need to investigate here with older children and teens that might use strategies to cover up their fears and anxiety. But most importantly once they do start talking listen!

Don’t dismiss a fear just because you think it’s silly. To them it is not and that should be the most important factor here. Remember they do not have the capacity or experience to understand the world in the same way you do. So never dismiss them with words such as “Don’t be silly” “It’ll be fine”. They need you to hear and understand them plus that you have their back, sometimes that’s all it takes.

Help Your Child Put Words To Their Feelings.

Remember your child or teen may not be able to express what it is that is bothering them. Sometimes we as parents need to help them put their feelings into words. Don’t put words in their mouth though. Talk about your own fears as a child or teen in an appropriate manner and let them know how you coped. But again remember they are not you so they have to do it in their own time.

They need your patience and you will probably have many conversations around different fears as they grow. Make sure to keep those lines of communication open from a young age. Even when you only receive a grunt or “whatever” they are still paying attention to what is and isn’t said.

Help Older Children And Teens Manage Their Stress.

Stress management techniques are very useful in helping children and teens face their fears and anxieties. Breathing and relaxation techniques plus time management and study skills will all help. Help them set manageable goals and let them know you believe in them.

You can break down a deep breathing technique like the 3 minute breather into smaller segments. I have taught this to children and had them start with 30 seconds to a minute and built from there. Yoga or reflexology for children may also be an excellent form of relaxation for your child or teen.

Build Their Self-Confidence.

Self-confidence is simply a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement. Most adults can have a hard time with feeling this way themselves, and will struggle to pass it on to their children. So if you feel this is you remember it is never too late to build your own self-confidence.

Helping a child or teen to build their self-confidence can start by helping them gain confidence in areas that they love or excel at. Help them to see that any mistakes they make are just learning opportunities and should not be translated into “I’m a failure” on their part. Some of the strategies I’ve listed above will also help them gain assurance and confidence but I also have a more detailed blog on self-confidence in children.

Help Them Face Their Fear Slowing.

There are certain situations that will be tougher for some children than others. Whenever possible use a gradual approach to help them face their fear or learn any new skill.

Please also remember to help them go at their own pace. Modify your own expectations here also. Just because one child of a similar age to your child has achieved something that doesn’t mean your child has to also. Each child learns and develops in their own time and pace.

It is of course a good idea to encourage a child to be brave. Give them plenty of “Well done” “Great job” no matter how small the progress is. But again don’t force your child either. Let the child be the guide here and trust your gut instinct too and not allow another adult to push them either.

Never punish a child for not facing a fear; you are only setting up further issues. They are not trying to defy you, they are feeling fearful and overwhelmed here. Patience on your part will go along way as well as your empathy “I understand it’s scary”. Validating their feelings is far better. Allow them to chip away at a new skill that is scaring them instead of facing it full on.

Specific Examples At Stages Of Development.

Around 8 – 9 months infants will begin to recognize familiar faces but this also brings with it stranger anxiety. They may want to cling to you and cry. So make sure you don’t force them into another’s arms and allow them to sit in the comfort of your arms until they get use to the new person.

Toddlers may experience separation anxiety as they begin to move about more. Again they may cry, cling and need to stay near you. But you can also help them with a gradual exposure to any new situation such as playschool or daycare. You may need to stay with them for a while until they feel comfortable.

Young children may have fears around pretend things such as monsters under the bed or a fear of the dark. Again these can be easily dismissed by adults but remember they are all too real for the child. Check what they are exposed to during the day, their minds can pick up on images and news stories that are running in the background without us realizing. So make some time to reassure them, check under the bed and in the closet and have a nightlight if needed. A relaxing bedtime routine will certainly also help here.

Don’t eliminate older children and teens from this either. They will be very well clued into what is happening in their world and real-life disasters also. Things like a fear of death of a loved one, accidents or natural disasters can play on their minds if they are exposed to them on TV, etc. But also fears around school, friends and fitting in are also real for older children and teens. Again your reassurance, support and a listening ear will help here plus any of the strategies I have listed above.

Please never be afraid to reach for professional help for your child. Trust your gut here and reach out to your GP for a referral sooner than later or you can self refer privately also.

A Note About Phobias In Children.

Sometimes an extreme fear may develop and will be persistent, focused and debilitating for the child. The child may have developed a phobia in regard to something. The classic example you may be aware of is where a child is bitten by a dog and develops a phobia of dogs as a result.

These phobias are quite treatable by a qualified child psychologist. The therapist will use a gradual process of exposing the child to their fear called desensitization. The therapist must be qualified to do this; I can’t over emphasis this point. Other parts of the treatment may include breathing and relaxation exercises to decrease the child’s stress levels. Plus other therapies that help the child become more self-confident.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.