It can be quite normal for children to go through an anxious phase from time to time. Examples of this would be moving home, starting in a new school or play group.
For some children, however, anxiety can have a bigger impact on their lives. It can affect their behaviour, interfering with school, home and their social life. This is when you may need professional help.
To understand whether your child needs professional help I’d recommend you learn about anxiety and its symptoms. Plus you need to understand your role in helping your child.
What Causes Anxiety In Children?
Just like some people are more prone to the effects of stress and anxiety than others so too are children. Some children can pick up on anxiety from the adults they come into contact with. Other children , like adults, develop anxiety after stressful event occur.
Examples of these events could be:
- Frequently moving house or school.
- Parents fighting or arguing.
- Break-up (separation or divorce) of parents marriage.
- Following the death of a close relative or friend.
- Seriously illness of themselves or close family member. Such as sibling, parent, grandparent or close relative/carer.
- Injury in an accident. This could be themselves or other family member.
- School-related issues e.g. exams or bullying. Seeing a friend being bullied.
- Abused (sexual or otherwise) or being neglected.
- Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autistic spectrum disorders (ASD) may be likely to have problems with anxiety.
- Older children/teens may have anxiety with other conditions such as depression or eating disorders.
Symptoms Of Anxiety In Children.
Children may have some but not necessarily all of these symptoms. Please always trust your gut instincts as a parent. Symptoms to look out for:
- Lack of concentration.
- Sleeping difficulties which may include nightmares.
- Eating difficulties.
- Quick to angry or irritable, may include being out of control during outbursts.
- Constantly worrying.
- Frequent negative thoughts. May express negative comments about themselves, their appearance, etc.
- Feeling tense and fidgety.
- Frequent urination.
- Always crying or has started to cry more and easily.
- Being clingy especially after passing through this phase.
- Tummy aches and feeling unwell. Especially if it gets them out of doing something such as going to school.
- In younger children separation anxiety is common.
- Older children and teenagers worries are more about school or have social anxiety.
How To Help Your Anxious Child.
There is a lot you can do to self-help your child. But as I said please contact your GP if you are at all concerned. Trust your gut here. When it comes to parenting any child having good communication skills is essential. So it’s important to talk to your child about their anxiety or worries. Not just when you think there might be a problem.
Always seek professional help if your child is constantly anxious. Plus:
- It’s not getting better.
- It is getting worse.
- You’ve tried self-help and it isn’t working.
- School or family life, or their friendships, are starting to get affected.
10 Tips To Parent Your Anxious Child.
1. Always respect and validate your child’s feelings.
2. Teach your child to meditate to help them reduce their stress and anxiety. Such as deep, slow, belly breathing. Let them see you use stress reduction techniques and talk about this and why you are doing it.
3. Listen to your child, good communications is essential. Always ask them how their day went plus ask “Tell me what you are thinking?” This will help to reveal scary thoughts and scenes that build up in your child’s mind.
4. Our natural instinct is to reassure them. Please don’t just do that. Instead ask you child “How likely is it that x will happen?” Now you’re teaching them to challenge their thinking not just accept it at face value.
5. Help your child to brainstorm ideas on how best to tackle the issue. Don’t just give them solutions. You’re now helping them learn another life skill and they’ll feel empowered. This has to be age appropriate to your child and may involve more input from you at the start no matter their age.
Other ways you can help.
1. Apart from the above and reassuring them you’ll be there for them no matter what, help them not to avoid the fear. This can be a hard one, as we can use excuses ourselves. You’ll have to decide how best to tackle the ‘sleeping in with parents’ and skipping school days, etc, in an age appropriate manner. Just be aware that when we avoid we make the anxiety stick more firmly and lead to further avoidance. But using a strict approach won’t help either, patience and reassurance and most of all your love from you is far better.
2. Encourage them when they use the solutions to problems discussed. So praise them, no matter how small it is to you. For example if they sleep the night in their own bed, that’s a big win for them!
3. Show them and help them to work out – if age appropriate – that making small steps can lead to a bigger goal and that’s the best way to do it. So don’t try and tackle everything at once.
4. Create opportunities for your child to practice being brave. Coping and dealing with situations in a controlled safe environment at first. Then allow them to work on bigger situations or problems with your back-up as they get older.
5. Recognize you own anxiety and tell your child what you are doing to calm down and solve the situation. Modeling these coping skills for your child is good and it can help your child. But please don’t over share your own concerns and worries or anxiety, be mindful. Get help if need be yourself. This is not a failure to cope on your part but a great modeling tool of how and why it is important to reach out for help if you need it.
Where to get help for an anxious child.
Your GP or child’s doctor is a good place to start. They can refer you to services when needed. Applying directly to a child psychologist – privately – for your child is also an option. But please make sure the therapist is qualified to deal with children.
Treatments For Anxiety Disorders In Children.
The types of treatment offered will depend on your child’s age and the cause of their anxiety. Counseling can help your child understand why they are anxious and where it stems from.
Cognitive behavioural therapy can help your child manage they anxiety by changing their way of thinking and behaving.
Anxiety medication is available. But will only be offered by a child psychiatrist if they feel your child’s anxiety is severe or doesn’t appear to be getting better.
Also note that if your child has other conditions they may be treated first or alongside the anxiety.
As parents you will also need support. Talking through what is happening will help you and give you some invaluable strategies you can use with your child.
Work With Me.
Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.
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