We all need to recognize our successes. But all too often we don’t and we certainly never celebrate them. We are often far too busy moving on to the next item on our to do list to stop and recognize what we have achieved. But we have to ask is this good for us if we want to achieve more in life?

Is this good for our children to see either? We want them to succeed but are we teaching them the right way to go about it? To feel, and be, successful children need to recognize their own successes along the way. No matter how big or small all successes should be recognized and celebrated. If we do not model, and teach, this behaviour to them, then who will?

7 Tips To Help Children Recognize Their Success.

Drop The Comparison Game.

Success or what is classed as success for each child will be and look very different. So as a first step we, as parents, need to drop the comparison game. Nothing beats confidence, resilience or motivation quicker than the comparison game.

We as adult are very quick to participate ourselves and our children pick up on this. We know when we enter this game we end up feeling negative about ourselves. So why do we continue to model this behaviour for our child? Please stop now!

Each child is unique and has skills and talents unique to them. We want them to succeed and to do that they need self-confidence and motivation. Comparisons as I said will only destroy these.

Instead focus on celebrating what they have achieved. Think of it as setting up a positive cycle. We celebrate what they have succeeded in doing. It builds their motivation and self-confidence. This in turn helps them to succeed again.

Reframe Failure.

It is not to say we don’t focus on any mistakes. But what we need to is reframe those instead. Instead of seeing them as mistakes we reframe these into learning opportunities.

Making mistakes is part of what makes us human. Almost all of the really significant advancements in science, technology, and medicine are based on experiments involving trial and error.

So encourage your child to analysis what happened. You can use the following questions to help.

1. What went well? Something will have gone right but we can be so focused on the mistake we don’t recognize it.
2. What did not go well?
3. Acknowledge the external factors that contributed?
4. What did you learned? Ask for advice if you need to. Brainstorming some ideas here together might help.
5. Make a plan for how you will improve or do things differently next time. Create an action list of small actionable steps you can take from now on.
6. Celebrate what you have learnt, no matter how small. This is a vital step.

Now teach them to move on quickly instead of dwelling on the mistake.

Allow your child to make mistakes and take risks.

As I already said we are human and that means we make mistakes. What distinguishes a self-confident successful child from another one is that they are capable of learning and are willing to try again after they make mistakes.

We need to allow them to experience the consequences of their choices. Encourage them to have another go with the new knowledge they now have. In this way we are building their self-confidence and resilience along the way.

Yes as a parent we want to protect our child, but we need to learn to back them too. We need of course take into account our child’s age and all the risks involved. But we need to encourage them to start solving problems, take responsibilities for the consequences and to make age appropriate choices. This will empower them and lead to greater success.

We need to supervise from the sidelines and set up situations that will encourage them to try new things without fearing failure. Demonstrating the basic skills they need in the home and then allowing them to try these things for themselves Encourage exploration with trips, the park, new foods, and hobbies. These will all expand your child’s views, experiences and build their self-confidence and success in handling new situations and people.

Make Time For Connection And Conversation.

Interpersonal skills are not natural to everyone. We need to teach them how to introduce themselves and carry on a conversation. Around the dinner table is a great place for children to learn how to express their view and show respect.

They also need to feel comfortable in asking for help not just giving help. They also need to have compassion and empathy with others, appreciate diversity and resolve conflicts effectively. As parents we are their first role models for all of this.

These skills are a requirement for their success in life. So make time to build connection with them and have the conversations needed. Remember at the end of the day children need to know you are there for them no matter what and you will love them no matter what. These two things alone can have a huge influence on how they view themselves, the world and their success.

Focus On What They Want To Achieve.

You cannot relive your childhood through your child. Nor can you expect them to be like you or follow your dreams. Instead ask what matters most to them. They need sleep, to stress less, free time and time with friends. But they also want to make teachers and parents proud and get into college and have a job.

Put aside your assumptions of what they want to achieve and how they want to spend their time. Help them see that what they want is important to you too. In this way you are also helping them recognize their success.

Start With What They Already Know.

Start with what is already there, no matter how small. What matters to them? Gets them curious and ask them, don’t tell them. Always keep it positive especially on what they’re getting right no matter what it is or where it is. Compliment; don’t critique their work, games or fun stuff.

Teach Them How To Set Realistic Goals.

Make sure they are positive and realistic goals. Talk in a positive way to them about their goals. Remember if they hear you talk in a negative way about yourself, or any goals you have, they will copy you.

Make sure the chances of success are high. So don’t make the goal too big, small steps to success is key here. Let them know it can be hard but they can achieve this.

Show them how to get organized, focused and on track in order to succeed with their goals. This will help motivation as it helps eliminate some of the unnecessary stress that comes from disorganization. Motivation may get them going but habits will keep them going. Remember self-discipline is a better predictor of success than IQ.

Boost Their Motivation.

Motivation is an important factor in building our sense of success. But motivation might not be there initially. Sometimes we have to take some small actionable steps to get us going in the first place.

Noticing the small wins from breaking down their goals into these actionable steps can help motivate them further. Celebrating these will get their brain to notice these wins more and more often. Making them more important and reinforcing any changes they are making.

So get them to keep a record of all their small wins. This could be in the form of a  journal, or a wins jar they keep in their room where they can see it.

Don’t forget to add a treats and rewards system. These are things they can use to celebrate their successes. Treats are generally free; these could include watching favourite movie together. Rewards can cost money and are generally given for larger things. You can work this system of treats and rewards out with your child.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.