You might be tempted to dismiss a child who says “School’s boring!”  We have all said that at one time or another about school. A one off comment is one thing, but if it keeps happening then it should not go unchecked.

Don’t leave this one please. Investigate when a child says “Schools a waste of time” or “School is so dumb” “Why do I have to go to school?” It can be all too easy for this to go unchallenged and not investigated.

They may not of course come out with the words. You may have noticed they try to feign illness or use other tactics that help them avoid school. These may include causing trouble in school, coming in from school in a bad mood or taking things out on younger siblings.

But issues with “boredom” can indicate a much larger problem. Those problems can escalate very quickly with children so never just let these comments or tactics go. (Heads up this is a long blog and the list of reasons is not inclusive.)

Reasons Why, And Ways You Can Help, A Child Who Say They Are Bored In School.

There are multiple reasons a child and teen may be bored in school. I will list some of these reasons below but please be aware that there are many others.

One simply reason may be they are not being challenged enough in school.

A gifted child, or one with a hidden disability (dyslexia, ADHD, ADD, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ASD-Asperger’s), simply may not be challenged enough. Many children with hidden disabilities are very intelligent and just like gifted children may not receive adequate stimulation in school. Don’t assume a teacher understands your child’s disability or how to teach a more gifted child.

Helping A Gifted Child

A gifted child will probably not receive enough stimulation in school. These children can feel isolated and unable to fit in with their peers. They will need an assessment by an educational or clinical psychologist before they can gain access to appropriate help in school. Remember we need to help them not just with their academic pursuits but with their social and emotional development as well.

If you think your child is gifted then you should start by gathering as much evidence as you can. Then approach the school about having your child assessed. In Ireland a child of school going age can be referred by the school principal for a free assessment with NEPS  if the principal feels the child needs one. Or you may wish to have your child assessed privately.

Speak with the teacher and principal about ways they can support your child’s learning while you wait for the assessment. For example if your child is gifted then completing the same work as other children in the class will be boring for them. Perhaps the teacher can give them the 5 hardest questions or math problems to complete first. If they can do these then they could move on to more difficult ones without having to wait for the rest of the class.

You will probably have to invest in extra tuition but don’t rule out activities with a social aspect or one where they can show off their talents. Many children with excel in groups, activities, sports, etc., that are outside of academia.

Once you have a clear diagnosis make sure you join a national organization that helps children and adults that are gifted. This organization and other parents involved are a wealth of knowledge.

All children should learn to self-advocate so teaching your child to advocate for themselves as soon as possible. Once they reach the age of 18 your child will be the one who will have to deal with school and college/university. Unless your child clearly states you can advocate on their behalf the school/college won’t engage with you. It is never too early or too late to help them become their own advocate.

Having An Undiagnosed Disability.

This can be especially true for hidden disabilities such as dyslexia, ADHD, ADD, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ASD-Asperger’s.

That probably means they have adapted a number of ways of coping and covering up for their disability. But these coping strategies may no longer work and they may not understand what is being taught. This will be rectified when they receive a diagnosis and appropriate supports within school or college.

Pay attention to what they are learning. Simple conversations around the dinner table can help here. Ask them to explain not just what happened in school with the teacher and their peers but also to explain what they learnt. This way you can see the topic has clicked for them. But please don’t make it into a pop quiz, keep it a general conversation about their day instead.

It’s important you get to know your child’s learning style and strengths. That way you will probably pick up on something long before the school does. Remember trusting your gut here is important, you know your child best.

How To Begin Helping A Child With A Disability.

If you suspect your child has a disability then act as soon as possible. It can take a while for the assessment to be completed and for appropriate supports to be out in place. Again gather your information, speak to the school and ask for an assessment to be completed. Again you have the option to go the private route.

When you do receive a diagnosis make sure your child gets the appropriate supports as recommended in their educational assessment.  Make sure you get yourself fully informed on what you can do to help and again join a national organisation that supports children, adults and their families with that disability. I have many blogs on different disabilities but a lot of information about how you can help is contained in my blog series on dyslexia.

There are other ways you can help at home including reading together, listen to audio books, playing board or computer games that have a math or reading/spelling element to them.

Get them to help with making the shopping list and record the amount each item costs. Baking or cooking, gardening all have elements of math, English, science to them. Plus they are a great fun way to learn without the pressure of school.

Teens may benefit from accessing documentaries, audio books, or websites with a video or audio assistance on it, for different topics they are struggling with. Remember though it is not unusual to have to employ tutors for different subjects outside of school also.

Problems at home are another reason for what appears initially as school boredom.

Has something recently happened at home? Divorce, death, loss of a job or income etc., will have impact how your child is feeling. A child or teen may be more anxious and not wish to leave you because of this.

Helping Your Child Cope With Problems At Home.

Do a little investigating as a child may not be able to put into appropriate words how they are feeling about what has happened. They may use school avoidance to try and gain your attention. Talk to family, their friends and their parents plus any other place you child attends such as the school or after school activities.

It may only be a small thing but to a child it may be a bigger issue so don’t just dismiss it off hand. So talk to them, find out what is going on in their life. If you have recently dealt with divorce or death in the family your child will need to talk it through and grieve it out just like you. Find them the right support with a qualified therapist.

I talk more about how you can support your child in my blogs on grief, PTSD, and divorce.

Remember if a friend’s family or another relative has gone through one of these experiences your child or teen may react also. So don’t just rule this one out because you think nothing has happened in your immediate family.

The Child May Have Developed A Social Anxiety.

We are about to re-open schools this will cause not only you to be anxious but also your child. Remember your child has not been in school for several months. This may cause them to feel anxious about being around other people, staff, friends, classmates, etc.

How can you help your child with social anxiety?

This may settle down after a few weeks but if not don’t leave it speak to your GP and ask to be referred for extra support. You can of course self-refer to a private therapist.

Remember if you are anxious your child will naturally pick up on this. Try to stay calm around you child and deal with your anxiety appropriately. Get professional help if you need it.

The same could be said for any of our emotions, moods, arguments with our partner, etc. A child doesn’t have all the information or life experience we do so they cannot translate what they are picking up on appropriately.

You can teach your child to meditate, journal, or use art to express their feelings, get them up and moving, etc. I go into more detail about how you can help a child worry less with 8 strategies here.

The Child May Be Simply Over Tired By All Their Activities.

Children are very busy with all their school work and after school activities. But they need time off too. Remember they not only have a full day of school, plus any extra activities but also another few hours of homework.

How Can You Help Your Child If They Are Over Tired By All Their Activities?

Being too busy is exhausting, children need downtime, just to relax, play and unwind mentally. So making sure they are not over scheduled each day is the first step in helping them here. Make sure they are getting adequate sleep as well, I talk more about how to help your child sleep better in my blog on sleep.

Many tips I give on sleep for adults may also be used with older teens you can find these here. You may have to step in here with teens, particularly if they seem to be constantly on the go. It is all too easy for them to over schedule themselves. They may not realize they are doing too much in order to keep up with school and friends.

Others Problems In School.

There may be other problems in school you are not aware of. This could be a teacher who is always shouting or seems cross, or a classmate causing constant disruption. It may of course mean they are getting bullied or someone they know is getting bullied.

How Can You Help Your Child? 

Speak to your child first, then to their friends or listen to what the other parents are saying. Most times other parents may have seen or heard something that will give you a clue as to what is going on.

Speak to the school immediately if you suspect bullying. Never wait with this one. All schools have bullying policy which they take very seriously. If you don’t succeed with teacher or year head then move things up to the principal immediately. Bullying in any way, shape or form is completely unacceptable and needs immediate action. If left bully can do untold damage to the child so never wait to act.

Is There A Problem In Another Area Of Their Life?

This could be with friends, other family members or at clubs or activities they attend. Friends come and go especially around the time children transition into secondary school or move on to college.

It can be an unsettling time for teens with so many changes taking place in their lives. Even with a stable cohort of friends they can easily fall in and out with one another on what seems like a daily basis. Your child needs your support and reassure here. Just be there to listen.

If there are problems with in organisations or clubs they attend again children will pick up on this and may not be able to fully understand the situation. The same can be said for problems within our extended families. So do check to see if they have heard things perhaps they should not have or have picked things up wrong.

A Lack Of Motivation Can Be Another Factor On Top Of Any Of The Above.

We can all lose our motivation or lose interest in something at times. But a child or teen doesn’t have our life experience to help get them back on track. A lack of motivation may come from the fact they are truly bored in school or they have a disability. It could be they are overwhelmed, tired or worried about something either and that worry or fear is distracting them.

So How Can You Help With A Lack Of Motivation?

Again we need to look into what is the root cause here. Why is your child starting to feel less motivated in school? Talk to your child, the teacher, their friends if you can. Don’t assume this is laziness on their part, more than likely it is not. Rather it is probably a response to something else that is going on in their lives. Whatever the root cause will need to be tackled alongside any other strategies you put in place to help motivate them again.

Ensure your child’s school offers a supportive learning environment. A classroom that is not a supportive environment will kill off motivation in a child very quickly. A supportive learning environment is one that is free of discrimination and is based on mutual respect. It is also one where incorrect answers and mistakes are seen as learning opportunities and not a basis for mocking, bullying, etc.

Children see making mistakes in front of their peers as a big issue. It is important that the classroom is known as a place where you can make a mistake and it is just part of the learning process.

How You Can Help At Home.

A leaning environment should also encourage a child to speak about themselves and their interests. You can encourage your child at home in a similar way by asking about their day, finding information out about their interests and taking some time to speak to them about these. These kinds of conversations can encourage an otherwise shy child to be a little bit more confident in a safe environment and perhaps bring that new found confidence with them outside of the home.

Help them learn to set goals and break down a project into smaller tasks. Being unsure of where to start with a project or goal will kill motivation. You can imagine how hard it is for you as an adult when faced with something like this. Now translate that to a child or teen whose brain is not fully developed yet. (Brain’s don’t fully develop until about 26.)

Don’t expect the school to teach them this skill either. So keep an eye on homework or larger school projects. They need help to break these down into small manageable steps with them. Remember most secondary school junior or leaving certificate exams have a project element attached to them now. So proper project management is a skill they will need in secondary and third level.

It is important that you help your child discover what they are passionate about. This can help to motivate them back into learning again. Helping your child understand that we don’t always feel motivated to do something is also important. Sometimes we have to try something or begin a task before the motivation will arrive.

In Summary.

Until we stop to investigate we simply won’t understand the root cause of what is really going on for our children. So take the time to sit down with your child and have a chat. Never force a conversation, allow it to come up in conversation about other things. Ask your child or teen what is going on in school, or are they worried about something. It may take a few goes until you get the answer.  Always use age appropriate words and trust your gut instinct here you know your child best.

Speak to their friends if old enough, their friend’s parents, extra tutors, coaches, their teacher(s) and the school. Anyone that your child has significant contact with, should be spoken with. Don’t just accept your “child seems fine” from the school especially when you know better. It’s hard for a teacher to keep an eye on all the children. It is especially easy for those with okay grades or those who are good or quiet to slip by unnoticed.

Always investigate the situation fully and trust your gut as a parent.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.