Last week I talked about taking a step back and recognize our own thought patterns. We began by using our journal to identify which thought patterns affect us. When we recognize our thought patterns we can then challenge each of these. So each time you notice one when completely your journal please do take the time to challenge them.

Help With Challenging Our Negative Thinking.

To help with this exercise I’ve outlined a number of questions you can use. When we do this we bring back some common sense and begin to quieten the automotive negative thought patterns more with practice.

Questioning our thinking is similar to putting it on trial. We have to gain evidence for and against what we are thinking. This can be hard to do automatically at first. But the more we practice in refection the better our mind gets at doing it in real time.

You can use the following questions in your journal to begin challenging your thinking. Start by highlighting any negative though patterns you have identified from last week’s blog. Now pick just one of these at a time to work on and use the questions to test that thought.

Questions:

1. What is the thought pattern? Name it:………………………………………………….
2. Does it relate to any particular person/situation/time of day, past or present. Give as much detail as possible here.

Related to a person:

1. Is this problem or issue about you or about them?
2. Have you let your boundaries slide with this person?
3. Are they triggering something else for you, maybe something from the past?
4. Why do I give so much energy/time to this person? (Do I get a pay off from doing this?)
5. What do you think are their triggers?
6. Can you stop talking and just listen to what they are saying, any repeated phrases, and watch their body cues, any anxiety, fearful, angry (maybe not even at you),etc. What does this tell you?

Remember you cannot change anyone but yourself here! They may not even be aware of how you are thinking, feeling, etc.

Related to a situation:

1. What are the chances of this happening? This is the “for argument” about what you are stressed/anxious/angry/upset, etc., about.
2. What is the worst thing that could happen? You are adding to your “for argument” here. (This could be driving your negative thinking here)
3. Even if the worst thing happened what could I do? This helps you plan out strategies to meet the challenge that is causing you stress, etc.
4. What are the chances of it not happening? This is the “against argument” about what you are stressed, etc., about.
5. Has it ever happened before? Even if it did happen: How did you cope? Who did you talk to or ask for help? This will highlight that you have dealt with similar situations in the past and survived. Plus you can make a plan of action based on previous experience.

Rebalance time:

Now lets’ get some balance and perspective with the next 2 questions:

1. Is this (how I’m thinking) worth all the stress, etc., and what it is doing to me?
2. Will I be stressed, etc., about this in one year from now? Or five years from now?

Remember the more you practice, the easier it will be to challenge you thoughts in real time. So make sure if negative thoughts come up when you complete the journal that you challenge them.

The Tapes Inside Our Head.

Negative thinking is like a tape in our head. It can be very stuck at first until we challenge and change it. It has a habit of outliving and overruling us. But don’t give up!

Like all tapes, it can be destroyed and even overwritten with some perseverance. It took time for that tape to be created so we need time and patience to change it. As we become aware of the thinking patterns and challenge them so must we rewrite them.

Affirmations are a great way to do this. Which affirmations you use will depend on your thinking patterns. Some examples could include:

1. Relax I’m in control.
2. Yes I’m feeling a bit stressed but that’s normal and I’ve got this.
3. It’s okay I know I can expect some stress.
4. I won’t know how it will go until I get there.
5. I can work out a plan to deal with this.
6. Keep breathing!

Keep your affirmations simple. The more natural they feel to you the more you will start to believe them. But again you need to practice them. Pick one affirmation to say at time and repeat 10 times, 3 times per day for a month at least. Yes I know that may seem like a lot but your negative thinking is on 24/7 and has been ingrained for a long time.

My Book.

In my book, The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, I provide easy and quick strategies to get you back feeling rebalanced and more focus in your life. The book also includes all the worksheets you need to take you step by step through the process. It also goes into more detail on how you can handle negative thinking and people. You can purchase it on Amazon or through my website.