Those of us who have become obsessed with trying to control everything around us may not realize we are doing it. So our first step as always is to recognise we are doing using this type of behaviour. We can liken this type of behaviour as trying to use our body to hold back floodwaters. At a certain level we may know it is an impossible task but we still attempt to do it on a daily basis.

We give our full attention and energy to trying to control a situation or another person’s needs and behaviours. In doing so, we fail to check our own behaviours. We may allow ourselves to become manipulative and passive aggressive in our tactics to control everyone and everything around us. The people pleasing and perfectionism we have taken on leaves us feeling exhausted. We are focusing too much on others and not on ourselves. Therefore we are failing to look after ourselves as well.

We need to remember that we can only change our selves and when we enter in to the control game we are missing out on the joy of life itself. This control game also has us missing out on accepting and loving people for who they truly are. We leave behind a healthy relationship because in effect we are disrespecting and mistrusting ourselves and others. So how can we let go of controlling behaviours?

4 Tips To Let Go Of Controlling Behaviour.

Our first step as always for any type of change is awareness. Raising our awareness is vital. How does our behaviour manifest? What habits support this behaviour? What people and situations might help us or trigger us? With this in mind let’s look at some steps we can take to help reduce controlling behviour.

1 We Admit What We Can’t Control.

We cannot control other people’s feelings, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, behaviours, mistakes and words, etc. Responsibility for another adult is not ours to take on! No matter how close we are to them.

We recognise that there will be certain situations that are out of our control. No matter how hard we try to control for every eventuality sometimes what happens is outside of our control. That can be very hard to feel comfortable with at the start. It will take time for you to recognise that you simple cannot control everything. We can only do our part as best we can and then let the outcome go.

Remember this behaviour is sapping your energy and joy in your life. Your stress and anxiety will be reduced greatly once you start to let go of what you cannot control.

2 We Recognise What We Can Control.

We admit that the only person we can control and change is ourselves. In realizing this we can see that we can only control our words, thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviours, beliefs, mistakes and effort.

When we admit this, we are then in a real position to create lasting and positive change in our lives. We can lighten up the pressure on ourselves and take the necessary steps to accepting true personal responsibility for our lives.

3 We Start To Look After Ourselves.

We learn that it is imperative that we look after our basic self-care needs first in order to be truly present for others. Possibly for the first time in our lives we also start to set healthy boundaries. Again if you are not use to setting boundaries it can be difficult to do so on a consistent basis. Be persistent, learn from any slips and most importantly keep going.

4 We Nurture Positive Relationships And Let Go Of The Toxic Ones.

We build and encourage our positive support system. It is a healthy option to build this support into our lives and to ask for help from the right people. We accept that it is okay to ask for this help as it will support us in our recovery journey.

Respect and trust of ourselves, and others, is rebuilt. Over time we learn to forgive ourselves, and others, plus we gain more compassion, gratitude, positivity and serenity in our lives.

Please remember this type of behaviour has become a habit for you and it takes time to change. Take your time and have patience with yourself. Yes there will be slips, learn from them, what can you do better to support yourself next time? If you feel you need support in letting go of controlling behaviours, including manipulative, people pleasing, perfectionist habits then reach our for support with a local therapist.

My Book.

Did you know I talk about basic self-care in my workbook The Building Blocks Of Self-Care? The steps in this workbook will help you lay the foundations to rebuilding your life, feel more in control and help you build healthy routines. You can purchase it on Amazon or here.