Most of us decide to make New Year’s Resolutions, goals or new healthier habits at the start of the New Year that we never achieve. Why is that you might ask? For most it will come down to self-sabotage. Self-sabotage isn’t just one thing it can have many causes but in the end they all lead to the same result. We end up dropping out of that gym, our work doesn’t get completed, those healthier habits never get developed, etc. We make a mistake that leads us to self-sabotage.

First off remember we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. Yes when we make mistakes we feel bad about what has happened. But what we don’t want is it to lead to a negative cycle of further self-sabotage. Or we start to equate failing with being a failure ourselves.

Remember it’s what we do with those mistakes that determine whether we are successful with our goals. We can learn from them, see that our self-sabotaging can be overcome and then get right back to goals and habits. But let’s look at some common mistakes that lead to self-sabotage.

Mistakes That Self-Sabotage Your Goals.

There can be many reasons we self-sabotage. Here are some ways we can do this, they are no particular order.

1 We forget That Any Change Is A Process.

Goals and habits require change. We can forget that change means we are stepping outside of our comfort zone and that can get uncomfortable at time. Any sort of change we make will bring us through the five stages of change. We need some patience and a plan rather than just setting the goal or resolution and hoping for the best.

2 We Don’t Plan It Out.

We simple fail to plan out how we will create the goal. These are the specific steps we need to take to achieve our goal. We also fail to set deadlines for the completion of these steps and make them too big in the first place. When the individual steps or tasks needed to achieve our goal is too big we become overwhelmed and set ourselves up for failure.

3 We Entertain Some Faulty Thinking.

We go down the path of some faulty or negative thinking. We might procrastinate, over-analyze or worry about each little detail. We paralyze ourselves into inaction as a result. We avoid the situations or tasks needed to achieve what we want. This can stem from a fear; perhaps a fear of failure, rejection or success could be one of the issues.

4 We Make General Goals.

Rather than making specific goals we make some general ones. We need to make specific goals or decide on some specific healthy habits we want in our life if we are to succeed. If they are too general and have no emotional attachment we won’t strive to bring them into fruition. So make sure to get very clear on what you want in your life and why you want to achieve a goal if you want to avoid this mistake.

5 Our Goal Is Unrealistic.

It’s important to dream big but make sure any resulting goals are realistic also. Setting unrealistic goals will only lead to us giving up on them. Again the goal is simply too big to achieve in one go. Dividing it up into smaller more manageable goals will work far better. We will still achieve the same result and probably in a shorter time period as we won’t have quit at the first sign of trouble.

6 The Goal Is Not Yours To Begin With.

If you are doing something, or being forced to do a goal, to make someone else happy it simple won’t work. Our heart just won’t be in it and we will look for ways to sabotage the goal. Yes it can be hard when we only want happiness for our loved ones. But taking on someone else’s ideal, or goal, will only make you feel miserable. It is far better to be honest and say no. If they insist you keep doing it then you have to question if they really have your best interest at heart.

7 We Fail To Put In Place Our Positive Supports Before We Start.

Yes it is important to believe in our own abilities. But it is also vital that we have some positive supports in our life also. When we fail to surround ourselves with those positive supports again we set ourselves up for failure. These people will cheer you on and be healthy role models while you initiate the changes that are needed. Part of that positive support can come in the form of counseling. If you need to overcome some emotional or psychological issues that have held you back in the past then accessing counseling will be the only way to go.

8 We Fail To Address Any Environmental Issues That Could Sabotage Us.

It will be hard to change something in our lives or achieve a goal if we fail to address any trips or traps in our environment also. What situations, events, negative people, etc., might trip or trap you? Situations or events can lead to triggering the behaviour we want to change. Having to listen to a negative person ridicule or sabotage you will also set us up for failure. If you want to succeed then you need to address as many of these trips/traps as soon as possible before you start. Then have a plan in place to avoid as many of them as possible.

A Final Few Pointers.

Remember self-sabotage isn’t the same for everyone and neither will be the solutions. We could be sabotaging our relationships because of a fear of rejection or intimacy. Or we could be procrastinating because of a fear of failure, success, a lack of planning or the right time management system. We need to get to the heart of each mistake we are making, learn from them and then plan according if we are to succeed at our goals.

So perhaps getting some supports and help will help you think more clearly and make better choices. Looking at the root to your fear of intimacy will help improve your relationships. Learning better time management skills will help with better planning and boost your motivation. Planning ahead for any trips or traps will help you avoid them. No matter what the mistake you can always ask for help you are never alone.

My Book.

Did you know I talk about basic self-care in my workbook The Building Blocks Of Self-Care? The steps in this workbook will help you lay the foundations to rebuilding your life, feel more in control and help you build healthy routines. You can purchase it on Amazon or here.