Parents have their own problems and these can be made worse if you don’t get a good night’s sleep, so I do get many questions about sleep and children.

This is such a huge question as it encompasses a lot of information from sleep-deprived parents tips to establishing a bedtime routine to problems with night terrors and anxiety separation.  

So where do I begin? Right at the beginning.

Establish a Bedtime Routine.

Let’s begin by talking about establishing a good bedtime routine for any child and adult.

1. First off is the room conducive to sleep? Is it comfortable? Warm enough? A nightlight if required? No technology for older children? No TV in Room. If you are trying to establish a better sleep pattern reducing the amount of stimulation in the bedroom is important.
2. You need to wind down after the days’ activities, so do your children. No one can just switch off their brains if they have been working or engaged in stimulating activities. So no TV etc., for an hour before bed please.
3. Create a bedtime routine which can help this by firstly having a shower or bath.
4. Get into PJ’s
5. Brush teeth and comb/dry hair.
6. Read a book, or if not old enough, tell them a story (You can see my post on reading and younger children here)
7. Lights out: You need to establish a time you are comfortable with (and your child as they get older, feel what is right for them, see below for guidelines).

The main point to take away is establishing a bedtime routine and stick to it. Both parents must be consistent with this. It may be hard at first to get them to change but if you keep at it, they will eventually establish a routine.

So how much sleep do children need?

Really this is up to you and your partner to decide but these are some guidelines to take into consideration. Remember that this will also need to take in the time they get up at in the morning and how much sleep your child needs. As well as your daytime routine.

Wake Up Time
	6:00am	6.15am	6.30am	6.45am	7.00am	7.15am	7.30am
Bed Time
Age
1	6.00pm	6.00pm	6.00pm	6.15pm	6.15pm	6.30pm	6.30pm
2	6.00pm	6.00pm	6.00pm	6.15pm	6.15pm	6.30pm	7.00pm
3	6.15pm	6.15pm	6.15pm	6.30pm	6.30pm	7.00pm	7.15pm
4	6.15pm	6.45pm	7.00pm	7.00pm	7.15pm	7.15pm	7.30pm
5	6.15pm	6.45pm	7.00pm	7.15pm	7.45pm	8.00pm	8.15pm
6	6.30pm	7.00pm	7.15pm	7.30pm	7.45pm	8.00pm	8.15pm
7	6.45pm	7.15pm	7.30pm	7.45pm	8.00pm	8.15pm	8.30pm
8	7.00pm	7.15pm	7.30pm	7.45pm	8.00pm	8.15pm	8.30pm
9	7.30pm	8.00pm	8.15pm	8.30pm	8.30pm	8.45pm	9.00pm
10	8.00pm	8.15pm	8.30pm	8.45pm	9.00pm	9.15pm	9.30pm
11	8.15pm	8.30pm	8.45pm	8.45pm	9.00pm	9.15pm	9.45pm
12	8.30pm	8.30pm	8.45pm	9.00pm	9.15pm	9.30pm	9.45pm
Teens depends on maturity levels; homework levels; outside school commitments.
13-15 year olds 9.45pm to 10.30pm
16-18 year olds 10.00pm to 11.00pm

This table is only a guideline. You need to take into consideration your own routine and what will work for your children. It can be very hard to get younger ones to sleep if older children are up or out playing still, so you may decide that older children have to be quieter and inside the house or that all your children go to bed at the same time.

Problems in establishing a routine? Including separation anxiety issues.

Some questions to ask first

1. Is your child getting enough of your attention during the day? It could be the case they feel they need some one-to-one time with you and bed time is just the time to do that.
2. Is your child feeling anxious about anything? Sometimes we have to do a little digging on this. Be patient and listen.
3. Is your child getting enough outdoor activity or play? TV and games will only wind them up but psychical activity will help them sleep better. We need to balance this.

Some basics in establishing a routine.

(If you’re happy with these your answers to the questions above.)

1. Start the routine earlier. So if you want them asleep by 8 pm then start the routine of winding down at 7 pm. Reduce stimulating TV or games.
2. You could add in some mindfulness (start here), a simple 3 minute breather or relaxing yoga for kids or take them for a 30-minute walk at this time.
3. Have a bath around 7.30pm and add aromatherapy oils to the water (make sure you or your child don’t have allergies so check with a specialist first).
4. Dim the light or have a nightlight.
5. Tuck child into bed alongside any soft animals, safety blanket or anything else your child needs to sleep with.
6. Read a bedtime story. (see link above)
7. Soothe their worries if they have any. Tell them you love them and explain what’s going to happen the next day. Listen to what they have to say.
8. You can also use a lullaby cd or some guided mindfulness for children. 
9. If all else fails, snuggle up with them until they fall asleep. You could take this time to meditate yourself – double jobbing as a parent.
10. Be patient above all else.

How to deal with Night Terrors

Night terrors can occur at any age, with small children seeming to suffer from them most frequently, although some adults do report having night terrors when under stress. So watch your child’s stress levels too.

Night terrors may be caused by over-arousal of the central nervous system, which regulates brain activity. Most children outgrow them, probably as their brains mature.

1. Keep yourself calm. Your child will probably not remember them.
2. Try to minimise stress in their lives and yours during the day.
3. Eliminate TV or Games. Yes, I know a hard one but at least watch more closely what they are actually seeing, negativity will feed a negative cycle.
4. Don’t allow them to get overtired.
5. Make sure their bedtime routine is very soothing for them. (see above)
6. Make sure your child isn’t being accidentally awakened by outside noises.
7. Be aware that a fever can cause night terrors and this should right itself after they get better.
8. Wake them up 15 minutes before the night terror is due to happen this may help reset their sleep cycle. You will be able to do this as your child will usually wake up at the same time each night.
9. Allergies, tonsil problems, asthma may all cause breathing difficulties during sleep. Make sure this isn’t happening as it can cause night terrors too.
10. Never wake a child from a night terror, comfort and soothe them until they wake themselves.

Tips to help sleep-deprived new parents or old parents.

Okay, we’ve all been there. Sleep deprived trying to look after a house, a job, our lives all on very little sleep. My children never slept or at least that’s what it seemed like to me.

So what does help?

1. Establish what your priorities are now you’re a parent. Yes, it is a big adjustment, becoming a parent is a major life change and one that requires you to adjust your thinking a great deal. So figure it out beforehand if you can what you want as your priorities in life. Don’t forget a little self-care in there too, you can not look after anyone else if you don’t look after yourself first.
2. Take advantage of visitors – family/friends. Ask them to take the baby for an hour or your older children so you can get some nap time.
3. Don’t be afraid to nap when the baby does. Housework will wait! Learn to cut corners.
4. Consider co-sleeping. It’s okay if the baby doesn’t sleep in its own room or bed at first.
5. Get up and move. Take the baby out for a walk, get some fresh air.
6. Join a support group like a mother and toddler group/baby group.
7. Do something you enjoy. Yes, you’re now a parent but you also need time for yourself and your partner to do things you like.
8. Cut yourself some slack. Progress not perfection, please. You need time to adjust.
9. Remember. It does get better.

I have a whole host of parenting blogs that you can access here, I’d like to hightlight one in particular for new parents about getting some self-care into your new routine.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.