If you have been feeling off-kilter, un-centred, unbalanced, then I think you’ll find that you are no longer being your true self. Being who we truly are is important, no matter what others have to say. That’s just their opinion and like you, they are entitled to it. But this is your life and you get to live it your way. How far you’ve let that happen will depend on how you have been feeling lately. I’m not just talking about everyday stress in our lives. I’m talking about feeling like you just don’t know yourself or what you’re doing with your life anymore.

Sometimes we need to go back to basics and discover who we really are. We need to get to our core values to see are we being really true to ourselves or have we lost our way. This is by no means a religious exercise. Everyone has a core set of values and beliefs they work and live by in their everyday lives. What we have to remember thought is that these can change as we grow older.

It is important to identify your values.

If you don’t know what you believe then whose values have you adopted over the years? Are they true to you? Or true to someone else? Are you living your life or someone else’s? Do you need to start questioning every aspect of your life?

Probably not and I wouldn’t even advise to you to try and change it all in one go either. But you can start by examining what your values and beliefs are. Plus understanding how we can get disconnected from our values will also help. This information can create a stepping stone for much needed change in our life.

Our beliefs will feed our values and I’ve discussed the importance of understanding our core beliefs before so do check that video and blog out. But what is a value?

What Is A Personal Value?

Values are important stable long-lasting beliefs about what is important to you. They are general standards by which you order your life and make choices. Beliefs can be categorized into different value areas in your life i.e. family, career, success, happiness, wealth, etc.

You will use these values to make clear, rational, responsible and consistent decisions about each area of your life. These feed your attitudes and ultimately your behaviour. But when we get disconnected or start to reject our values we can begin to feel off centre in our lives. In what ways can we get disconnected from our values?

Ways We Can Get Disconnected From Our Values.

The value has become redundant or outdated.

A value that we have adopted as a child we may have outgrown as an adult. We no longer believe in it as our life experience has changed us. For example parents and teachers will harp on about working hard in school and getting good grades to advance in life. We may have taken on the “hard work” value as children. As an adult through we now see we don’t seem to have room for family, friends, fun, etc. We seem to be always working. This value is negatively impacting our life and we start to become disconnected from it. We have become blinded by this one value usually ignoring other values and having a very unbalanced life as a result.

We had a major life change.

Our values and core beliefs can get a shake up when something life changing happens in our lives. We begin to question everything even if it’s on subconsciously level. Life changes can come in many disguises. The most common might be considered a mid-life crisis. But we all go through many life changes. For example when we get married, have children, change careers, go to college or leave home for the first time, have a health crisis, etc. Any of these times can leave us feeling disconnected and questioning the values we hold.

We try to emulate others.

We see people we admire and try to copy them. It doesn’t necessary have to be a celebrity either. But it usually includes trying to adopt that person’s values. But these values are not ours and we usually end up feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from our lives. We are ignoring parts of who we fundamentally are. Then we tend to end up feeling very unhappy and frustrated with our own lives.

We have adopted a “should be” value.

While growing up we could have received the message that we “should be” a certain way. If we obeyed this rule we received rewards and perhaps affection. Now we live with a “should be” value. Should be doing certain things, should be acting in a certain way, should be feeling a certain feeling, etc. But this “should be” value ignores other values. Our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours are usually highly regulated to fit into this “should be” value. We can end up feeling very unhappy, frustrated and again disconnected from our life. Perhaps we end up also having with codependency, depression, anxiety, stress, perfectionism and procrastination issues. Basically we are not being true to who we are and we are ignoring our own wants, needs and desires.

Understanding Our Values Is A Vital First Empowering Step.

There are many other ways we can become disconnected from our values during our lifetime. But one thing is for sure it is vital that we understand how values impact our lives. How we can feel disconnected from our values, beliefs and ultimately our self. This understanding can then be used as a stepping stone to reclaiming and empowering us to live the life we truly desire.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. If you need extra support then you can also schedule an appointment with me.