All relationships have their ups and downs. We may not have learnt how to communicate in a healthy manner as children or deal with conflict appropriately. We may have learnt to stay quiet for the sake of peace or that our opinions, feelings, needs, etc., were not as valid as other’s opinions, etc.

But we can learn good communication and healthy conflict resolution skills at any time as adults. But we have to be willing and make the effort to do so. So if you know these are problems for you reach out to a therapist for support and help.

Healthy Relationships And Communication.

Someone in a healthy relationship feels comfortable asking for help, support and knows it is okay to ask questions when they need to. But they also know that at times communications is about listening more than speaking. Both people need to know that when they speak they will be listened to and heard. Plus they can do so as the relationship feels safe and non-judgmental.

Communication at all times is respectful and honest especially when there is a difficulty. It is certainly not about lashing out at your partner when you feel threatened or to use stonewalling, guilt tripping or any form of manipulation to get your way. If you have this tendency you can change it with the correct therapeutic support and help.

Remember healthy communication is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. So if you want a healthy relationship it is worth investing in learning how to communicate and resolve conflict in a health manner.

5 Steps To Healthy Conflict Resolution.

First off please find the right time to talk. When both you and your partner are calm and not distracted, stressed or in a rush.  Weekly check-in meetings are a good way to do this. (If this is in the workplace then setting up regular meetings also staves off problems usually before they become a bigger issue. Plus asking for support from a manager or HR personnel to be present if you cannot resolve the issue together will be required.) But if this is something that needs to be discussed now, then don’t wait. If people are angry then take a set amount of time away (can be up to 48 hours, as long as both parties agree to this) before discussing the problem.

5 Steps You Can Use For Healthy Conflict Resolution.

1. Acknowledge that there is a problem that needs to be resolved. Sometimes people can be on a different page to you and we sometimes don’t want to admit we have a problem. That’s okay. We need to acknowledge that something is wrong before we can change it and look for a healthy resolution. So define the problem. But make sure you are both on the same page here as to what the problem actually is. Use active listening skills to listen when the other person is speaking. That way you can figure out together what the problem actually is.
2. Accept that you have a problem, or could have gotten it wrong and admit you may have made a mistake. Or you both got it wrong and need to work together to find the solution not just circle around the problem. That will not get either of you anywhere. Accepting we have a problem or got something wrong can be a hard one. Especially for people who had a tough childhood where all mistake were severely punished. You may need to speak to a therapist if this is an issue for you.
3. Appreciate that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Appreciate the other person, what they contribute to the relationship (or the team if you are work colleagues). This also includes that you respect their right to their opinions and just like you they have the right to express themselves and be listened to. Again this can be harder to do for some. So if you feel you have issues with expressing yourself then speak to therapist. Agree to be honest even when the truth hurts, this is the key to a healthy relationship.
4. Apologize when you make a mistake. Admit that you aren’t always perfector always right. No one is! Again this can be tough for anyone who was raised in a home where mistakes were punished or where there was sibling rivalry. Please reach out for professional support if you require it. Or you might also find that you are the one that is always apologizing, even when you are not at fault. Again this needs the support of a therapist to help you hold your boundary and only accept blame appropriately.
5. Action steps, this is the part where you work together to lay out the action steps you can both take to resolve this problem. Only tackle one problem at a time and make sure you agree a time to check back in with one another. Never be afraid to admit your stuck and don’t have a solution. Try to use words that get your partner working with you to try to solve the problem like. “Well, perhaps we could try…” Or “What if I did . . . and you did  . . .”  Or “I’m stuck. What do you think we need to do next?” If neither of you can find a solution or agree on the same solution then reach out for professional support.

Please keep the communication lines flowing. Be willing to listen. Make sure you are really hearing the message the other person is sending. Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know. Always remember, although there are only two of you in the room there is a third entity in the room. Your relationship is there too and this needs constant work in order to remain healthy. Regular, honest, respectful communication is one way to do that.

Reach Out For Support.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist. Please reach out to a local therapist if you need to.

My Workbooks

I offer a variety of tips and discuss a range of topics in my workbooks The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, Moving Towards Self-forgiveness, The Little Book Of Reflection And Gratitude and Building Acceptance Into Your Life. You can purchase them on Amazon or here.