Why is self-care important?

At this time of the year we are all thinking about New Year’s resolutions. Some of you might have already started and dropped yours, you are not alone.

Most of us stop our resolutions because they are simply too overwhelming. We start with a good idea such as exercising and join a gym. But then we skip one night, then another and before long we stop going altogether. This can happen very quickly too.

If you have found yourself in this situation it can be more helpful to set smaller self-care goals instead. Self-care is vitally important for our physical and mental health, happiness, and even our productivity.

Taking those crucial first steps to help yourself.

Small self-care steps can often be the first crucial step in looking after ourselves after many years of neglect. We can get stuck in survival mode as we allow things to build up. We often have poor boundaries and an inability to say no.

If we have neglected ourselves we can feel overwhelmed and stressed both at work and at home. But other things can also be affected such as:

• Our to-do list never seems to get any shorter.
• We take on other’s responsibilities and others can easily get us to take these on.
• You have sleep problems.
• You don’t have time for even the simplest forms of self-care.
• Perhaps you might be getting lots of colds and coughs.
• You don’t have time to for exercise.

The impact of a lack of healthy boundaries.

You need to make self-care, at least basic self-care (see below), a non-negotiable part of your life and start to set boundaries within your life. If we allow poor boundaries to continue they can impact your physical and mental health in a detrimental manner and can show up in your life in multiple ways:

• Increased stress and anxiety.
• Higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
• High blood pressure.
• Heart disease.
• Inflammation and chronic illness worsens.
• Reduced immune system.
• Insomnia or poorer sleep quality.
• We may also become resentful, exhausted, and grumpy.
• We become less effective at home and work too, as it affects our cognitive ability.

What are the benefits of a basic self-care routine?

Building even a basic self-care routine can have a huge impact on your day to day life very quickly. A basic self-care list can also help us set some goals that are attainable and give us the quick wins we need to build our motivation and resilience to complete more longer term goals.

You are already doing some of these basic self-care practices. In fact I know you are, but you are not celebrating them. We often fail to recognise and pat ourselves on the back for things we think should be automatic habits around self-care.

We don’t even recognise some of them as part of our basic self-care. But we need to stop and acknowledge these as they build our wins and lead to increased self-esteem. Your brain won’t care if the win is small or big as long as you recognise and celebrate it.

Some of the benefits include:

Set boundaries in a small way and build better healthy relationships with ourselves.

Taking the time to practice even the basics of self-care each day allows us to develop a healthier relationship with ourselves and has a knock on affect on our relationship with others. Taking time for our basic needs allows us to set a healthy boundary and to show others we are as equally important as they, and their needs, are. It is not a selfish thing to do.

If we have been finding it difficult to do this for ourselves, even taking the time to reflect on how we feel, what we love to do, what we want to continue in our lives will be important.

It will allow us to see everything we do, who we do it for and perhaps help us see it’s time we allowed others to take responsibility for their lives and to grow-up. We can learn to respect others too, and even though they will probably be not too pleased with you, you are showing them you deserve respect too.

We can also learn better self-compassion and stop comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals.

 You will raise your positivity and motivate yourself to do more.

 As part of your basic self-care I include journaling and gratitude work. Getting everything out of your head will allow your brain to rest and it will help you sleep better. Finishing the journal by writing at least 3 things you are grateful for has been shown overwhelmingly to boost your happiness and self-esteem more quickly than any other techniques. It will also continue to keep it higher for longer also. Add to this the other daily rituals will produce more positives feelings, again boosting your self-esteem further. It may not seem like it at first but remember those small wins do continue to add up.

It will increase your productivity.

Spending time focusing on some self-care will improve our ability to focus on other things too. We are not built to multi-task. We are better off, and more productive, when we focus on only one thing at time. Setting up small daily increments of self-care practice will help to train your brain to do that in other areas of your life too. For example, taking time out at lunch-time to meditate for 10 minutes will leave you feeling refreshed and energised for your afternoons. It will reduce your stress levels also.

We can improve our immune system.

Self-neglect, as I’ve said, will lead to chronic fatigue and leaves us open to more illnesses. Self-care will give you time to review your commitments and reduce your stress levels. Thus rebuilding your immune system.

 We learn to improve our communication skills.

Apart from taking up a hobby and increasing your engagement levels with others, we also get more relaxed and learn to ask for what we need and want.

This has a knock on effect as the more relaxed you are the more likely you are to be aware of what is going on around you. We can be so busy we simply don’t realise what and who is impacting our lives. It’s time to get some time off the treadmill.

The Basic Self-Care List

Now that we have discussed the benefits let’s see how many of these you do you in daily life? If you read these and they fill you with dread then only add one a week (or a month if that is more comfortable) until you have built up your list.

It’s about the smallest of changes we can make that will make these small goals stick and become routine for you. For me these are the basics that should form your daily self-care routine:

1. Sleep 8 hours every night or as near to it as possible. I discuss how to improve your sleep in a separate blog.
2. Eat regular meals daily, 3 meals minimum but you can break these up into smaller ones of about 5/6 meals.
3. Drink water daily – cut back on caffeine by lunchtime or switch to decaf in the afternoon. I know caffeine is the staple of every busy person but you’ll feel and sleep better if you cut back.
4. Exercise 30 minutes; 5 days a week: I know it can be hard to fit in some days, so break it up into either 10-minute intervals or combine it with a hobby and a friend to make it more fun.
5. Shower regularly.
6. Dress the best you can, every day. Something that helps you feel good. Never what others say you should wear.
7. Wash your clothes and change your bed every week.
8. Pray/meditate daily.
9. Journal: include 3 things you’re grateful for daily. At the very least brain dump out your to do list every night before bed. This allows your mind time to rest so you’ll sleep more easy.
10. Take time for your own interests and hobbies – it’s okay to do this.
11. Meet up with friends and family – only if they are supporting you. No negative vampires need apply.
12. Parents, take time out to be a couple every week, it doesn’t mean it has to cost anything.
13. Use appropriate self-soothing techniques instead of using alcohol, drugs, food etc. Self-soothing techniques are good habits, so use these to replace bad ones, or introduce them while trying to quit bad habits. You can find a list of these starting here.

These are the very basics and they are important, you need to schedule them into your diary first thing every week before anything else. At first we may need a reminder to do these but only introduce one new habit at a time. In a very short time you will find these become part of your new comfort zone. 

I would also add the following if you need them:

• Ask for help – speak to a professional if necessary, your doctor could be your first port of call.
• Have regular check-ups: Doctor and dentist appointments.
• Attend therapy, recovery groups: if needed weekly.

The small upgrades challenge.

 If you find that you have everything above well covered then maybe it’s time to do a little upgrade challenge.

What do I mean by that? Well sometimes just a small upgrade to our routine can be all it takes to motivate us do something more. Remember we are working towards small wins here, so some ideas could be:

• If you shower regularly maybe an upgrade would be to take a bath over the weekend, add some Epsom salts to help you detox and relax for 20 minutes.
• If you don’t normally do your nails then make time to do them one night a week.
• Get your hair done professionally once a month could be your upgrade.
• Schedule in a coffee with a positive friend once a month, one you have been neglecting in favour of the more negative ones that demands your time.
• Start to take a supplement you need (speak to your doctor first)
• Cut back on the sugary snack at 3 pm, pick something more healthy like fruit. You’ll only slump after it anyway and feel more positive for eating something healthy.

It doesn’t have to be all about spending money on you either. Perhaps you can simply say no to one person or to one event you have been invited to. This will help you start to set more healthy boundaries.

• Meditate for 5 minutes each night before bed if you haven’t done this before.
• Get away from your desk and go out at lunchtime for a stroll. Even if you work from home or are a stay at home mum, getting outside will have a big impact on your mental health.
• Pick one thing on your to do list that you know is not your responsibility and hand it back. 

So it’s your turn next, what can you add to this list? You know your life best so you decide what are your upgrades might be.

It’s always important to remember that self-care isn’t a reward, a luxury or selfish. It is essential. Make it a non-negotiable for you. Being kind to yourself and make sure that you are not taken advantage of is an essential boundary to set in your life.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.