A healthy relationship is one based on both people have healthy boundaries and are able to maintain them in their relationship. It also requires effort by both parties to maintain the relationship.

As time moves on in any relationship we can fall in to the trap of relationship complacency. When this happens of course it can lead to more arguments and problems in the relationship. So avoidance of complacency in the first place should be one aim of any relationship.

One way to help avoid compliancy and maintain a healthy relationship is to have regular date nights. But why are date nights so important to having a healthy relationship? In fact why does research show date night’s as being critical?

Why Date Nights Are Critical To Your Relationship.

Date night doesn’t have to incorporate activities, grand gestures and expensive night outs. Sometimes keeping it simple can be better. They are also great opportunities to step outside the norm of daily life and reduce your stress.

But they are also vital to maintaining your relationship. As after the kids leave home it will be just the two of you again. There are a number of ways date nights can help maintain, support and even enhance your relationship. So let’s look at some of those ways.

1 It Enhances Your Friendship.

Friendship is a vital component of any relationship. But an intimate one needs a solid base of friendship. Date nights help to maintain those open and honest lines of communication without the pressure of day to day life.

So date night also reinforces the idea that your partner “has your back”. Research shows us that this also helps to make resolving conflicts much easier as you view your partner as a friend not an adversary.

2 It Brings You Emotionally Closer As A Couple.

That initial romantic phase wears off after a few years. Date nights have been shown to rekindle that earlier desire and romance bring the couple closer. Add in some pre-date texts, messages, a hug or loving gesture to help increase affection and emotional closeness. Being emotionally close brings your relationship more depth and that is vital to igniting intimacy.

3 Communication Will Improve Between You Both.

Date nights are a great break from day to day to life. As long as you park the conversations about the house, kids, family, friends, work and finances. Date nights can reduce your stress too. Use another night to talk about those things.

Date night should be a break from normal routine. They should be just about reconnecting as a couple not other life issues. It is a great opportunity to talk freely about your relationship without the hassle of daily life for a few hours.

4 You Grow As A Couple And Learn More About One Another.

We all change as we grow older. Our likes and dislikes change. But so does our relationship. It’s up to us to make sure we grow as a couple together. Having fun and just spending time together will help the relationship grow. It helps nurture the resilience of the relationship and that is important for you both in tougher times.

As women we tend to be more social creatures. We need to feel that connection to our partner. So if they make the time and effort to prioritize time with us we tend to feel more connected, supported, and safe. In fact women were found to be seven times happier when they had couple time at least once a week with their partner.

5 It Can Shake Things Up In A Positive Way.

Routine and the mundane can be a killer to relationships. We start to take things, our partner and our self for granted. Push yourself out of the comfort zone a little. It doesn’t have to extravagant or big, just something different for you both. It may take a little planning on both your parts but you could discover things you never knew the other liked.

6 You Are Cutting Your Chances Of Divorce.

This might see obvious to some but perhaps not to others. We need to feel connected with our spouses if we want to avoid the divorce court. If you are not connecting in any meaningful way with your spouse then you are more likely to seek a divorce.

Research is clear on this one. Women are four times more likely, and men two and half times more likely, to seek a divorce compared to those who make regular time to connect. Those date nights mightn’t seem so expensive after all.

So Then Why Do Couples Fail To Plan Date Nights Regularly?

Everyone is so busy these days. Between work, family, and other commitments it can seem like we have hardly any time to breathe. Plus let’s face it getting any time alone, never mind a date night, can been pretty difficult.

There are any number of excuses couples give to therapists about why they are put off by the idea of a date night. These can range from it being an extra expense they can’t afford right now, to their other half wouldn’t be bothered to make the effort.

Date Nights Are Expensive.

The most challenging one is this first one for parents who also have to find a babysitter. Thus also adding to the cost of the night but that too can be overcome.

Yes dates can cost money but they don’t have to. Brainstorm some ideas on ways you can spend some quality time together at least once a fortnight. That may mean bartering with another couple for babysitting. Or keep things simpler by taking a walk together. Grandparents or other relatives can also be utilized to taking the children for the night.

It doesn’t even have to be a night time thing. It could be lunch, breakfast, or a coffee date. Or use less money by sending the kids out with the babysitter to the cinema and use the time at home alone. Yes we grandparents are happy to do this one for free and we’ll pay for the kids too.

But We’re Exhausted!

Exhaustion is another excuse we therapist hear. Yes it can be hard to feel motivated to go back out again at the end of a long stressful week. But again date nights don’t have to involve going out. Movie nights at home or lunch dates if you work close to each other. Again a little brainstorming ideas does help here so you don’t have to become even more exhausted.

Who Is Responsible For Organizing Date Night?

Most of the time date nights require some planning and this is another excuse we hear. It can range from who is responsible for making the arrangements to the other partner won’t be bothered with whatever is arranged.

We have to remember that we are both involved in this relationship. The responsibility falls to both of us to make an effort here with planning things. It really isn’t that hard to resolve. The more you try these date nights and rebuild your relationship and friendship the easier it gets.

Consider Something Else Might Be Getting In The Way.

At some point in a long-term relationship if you have let things slide there may be some strong resistance to change things up. It could be time to speak to a couple’s therapist to help you resolve whatever issues are getting in the way.

It could be that one partner has issues from childhood or intimacy issues. Or that you have just fallen into a routine that can take some effort to get out of and things going again. Whatever the issue they can be resolved with the help of individual or couples therapy. It is better to do this sooner rather than later.

Relationships take work that is a fact. Just like other parts of our lives we need goals that nurture them otherwise we will neglect them. The sad fact is that yes life can get in the way but if we ignore our relationship we will grow apart without even noticing it.

A final Point To Remember As Parents.

While both of you can have the many benefits that date night bring. Your children will also benefit. Children will see what a healthy relationship should be like. They will also benefit from your improved communication, less tension and stress in the home as well. But research has also shown that they too will benefit from your date nights. It has been shown that children of  parents that have date nights have less stress, anxiety, depression, improved relationships with their peers and with you too.

Reach Out For Support.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist. Please reach out to a local therapist if you need to.

My Workbooks

I offer a variety of tips and discuss a range of topics in my workbooks The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, Moving Towards Self-forgiveness, The Little Book Of Reflection And Gratitude and Building Acceptance Into Your Life. You can purchase them on Amazon or here.