Research has shown that positivity can lead to a wide range of beneficial outcomes for our mental and physical health. Research also tells us that emotional happiness comes from boosting our self-esteem and challenging our negative thoughts.  It has also shown that happiness precedes and predicts positive outcomes rather than just being a simple result of them.

So knowing the difference between our self-esteem busters and boosters is a vital first step. As we know having more positivity in our life comes from increasing the boosters and decreasing the busters to our self-esteem.

I would recommend reading the lists below of boosters and busters to raise your awareness. We cannot change what we are not aware of. Then ask your self the following questions.

1. Which of the following am I allowing in to my life?
2. Are there more busters in my life than boosters?

What Are The Common Boosters And Busters?

Things That Are Boosters To Us.

1. Basic Self-care.
2. Self-
3. Self-love.
4. Good habits/Self-soothing
5. Knowing your limits/boundaries
6. Focus on your good points.
7. Focus on your strengths.
8. Challenging negative thinking
9. Setting realistic goals
10. Accept challenges.
11. Have time off.
12. Self-praise.
13. Affirmations.
14. Having a healthy treats & rewards system for your self in place.
15. Improve the level between your valuesand how you think, act or feel.
16. Improve your relationships skillsand good communications in your relationships.

 Things That Are Busters To Us.

1. Procrastination.
2. Self-hate, criticism or rejection
3. Negative thinking
4. Guilt
5. Stress
6. Not taking risks no matter how small.
7. Poor communication skills.
8. Fear of failureor setting unachievable goals/expectations.
9. Constantly living in the past or comparing your self to others.
10. Overemphasizing self-limitations.
11. Relationship breakdown
12. Making your self-worth dependent upon what you have, how much you succeed, or how much you make in terms of money.
13. Loneliness 
14. Work Place Problems

The lists above are by no means complete so feel free to add any others you can think of.

Once we are aware of what is boosting our positivity and self-esteem we can increase these more. If we are aware of the busters we can take pro-active steps to reduce or tackle them or ask for help in doing so.

So How Can You Increase Positivity On A Daily Basis?

There are a lot of things we can do to help ourselves here. But I’d recommend starting with the basics of self-care. This helps us to meet our basic needs and start to set boundaries.

1 Keep A Journal.

No I’m not talking about the dear diary type but somewhere you can get all the stuff out of your head. Once we start doing this we can read back over it to start challenging our thinking. As I said at the start challenging our negative thinking will boost our self-esteem and positivity.

Start by getting out all your feelings and emotions on to paper at night before you sleep can be beneficial to your mental health. Getting things down on paper will help your mind rest and improve your sleep. If you haven’t started yet then give yourself a boost by writing 3 things you’re grateful for every day also.

Decide What Type of Negative Thinker You Are.

Then set aside time to challenge your negative thoughts. You will need to understand the kind of thinker you are to do this. So which one are you? Or are a few of them together? Don’t be surprised if you are more than one.

1. The worrier: The worst case is always going to happen. The what if’s … This leads to anxiety. You need to tackle this if you want to reduce your anxiety.
2. The critic: Always putting your self down. This leads to low self-esteem. You won’t build up your self-confidence or esteem if you keep thinking along these lines.
3. The perfectionist: You can’t make mistakes, everything has to be better and better all the time. This leads to chronic stress. Again when dealing with stress we have to watch how we speak to our self.
4. The victim: You believe everything in your life is beyond your control. This leads to depression.

Once we can begin to recognize which type or types we are we can start to challenge them.

Time To Analyze And Challenge. 

Now is the time to start to analyze if what they are saying is true or not. You may only be able to do this by reflecting in your journal at the start. It is also a good idea to keep a written note of these thoughts. This really helps our brain to see what is going on. It also helps when we look back and see if any of the thoughts are linked to similar events or people. These will be your triggers.

So for each main negative thought or trigger you have recorded ask your self:

1. What is the evidence against the negative thoughts?
2. Remember the types of worriers above. Which one does the thought belong to?

Take your time with this practice and have patience with your self. You are learning something new here. It will come and you will be able to dismiss negative thought more quickly.

You need to be ever watchful for relapses. Your negative self-talk has had free reign for a long time. It takes time to change the tape to a positive one. Sometimes when things are going well we can get forgetful and the old ways can creep right on back in. Making challenging negative self-talk and positive self-talk a part of your daily routine can help circumvent that from happening.

2 Surround Yourself With Positive People, Things And Places.

Spend Some Time Getting To Know Your Self.

In order to know who you want, and what you want, to surround yourself with you need to know yourself too. Get out your journal and think about the following:

1. What motivates you?
2. Name your strengths and weaknesses?
3. What do you like and dislike?
4. Can you name your beliefs and values?
5. What is your ideal day like?
6. Do you have any goals?
7. What does your ideal job look like?
8. What does your ideal home look like?
9. Where would you like to travel to?
10. What interests and hobbies do you have?

Hunt it all down. It doesn’t have to be perfect so don’t get caught up in perfectionism here. Just take a quick snap shot of your life and journal it all out.

Then ask yourself:

1. Why do you want to have these things?
2. Why do you want to pursue these goals?
3. Are they even your goals or someone else’s?
4. Are your likes, dislikes, values, beliefs, about you?
5. Or have you adopted someone else’s?

Give it some thought. You don’t have to hold on to anything, or anyone, forever. We all change as we grown older. We can always change our mind at any time too. The point here is to develop more self-awareness. This will also allow you to trust your gut instinct more and not to be so easily influenced by others.

Consider All Your Relationships.

1. What kind of people do you have in your life?
2. Are they positive or negative?
3. Are they a help or a hinder to you?
4. Do they always ask for favours but never return them?
5. Do they only contact you when they want something but you know you couldn’t rely on them in return?

This includes family, friends, colleagues, neighbours and partner if you have one. It is very difficult to have good self-esteem and positivity if you are surrounded by high levels of negative people. They are so toxic to be around. Plus they require a high level of maintenance from you and are not good role models.

It’s time to review everyone in your life. To get you started just make a list of everyone in your life and decide whether they are positive or negative. Now is there anyone on that list you can delete straight away? Hint; don’t start with family unless you feel strong enough to do so. With negative family members it can be easier to minimize contact at the start. Deleting people can be very scary but it can be done. I talk more about this here in my blog and video on deleting negative people.

Look At Your Home And Possessions.

Delete negative objects from your home also. These would be things that you keep just because… You fill in the blank here. Having objects in your life that are full of bad memories is never positive.

Sell them, use the cash to buy stuff you want and most importantly need. Don’t feel guilty about getting rid of anything. Just because someone gave it to you doesn’t mean you need to keep it. Let it go and let go of your guilt along with it.

You need to have a safe place to live. This should be the one place where you feel at home, at peace and secure. You need to take some time now to look at what each room looks like.

1. Is it full of your things or someone else’s choices?
2. Do you feel safe there?
3. Do you need to get rid of things that have bad memories?

You can start slowly. But I would recommend starting in your bedroom if you haven’t already done so. If you need to invest some money in making your home secure, then do so! This is important. Decluttering your home can be very uplifting to your mental health.

Remember To Have Patience With Yourself

When you work on this you are stepping outside your comfort zone. You are building new changes into your life. It can be scary but it also takes time. You have to work on it every day until what you are doing to help yourself feels more comfortable to you.

Tracking your progress can help you see how far you have come. You can use your journal to do this. Notice how your sense of self-esteem and positivity are growing. Celebrate all the small wins; this will help boost your positivity even more.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advise you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist.

If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.