In the previous blogs I covered getting to know your type of stress. Then we looked at small actionable steps we can initially make to take back control over our stress. Next I discussed strategies to make changes to the way we think and behave to help ourselves long-term with stress reduction. This week I’ll finish up this series by discussing clearing the decks.

Step 5 Clear The Decks.

Review Your Priorities Please.

It’s all very well and good making some changes to our lifestyle but if we don’t start to cut back on our to do list then we won’t reduce our stress. It’s that simple. Reviewing your priorities is one of the quickest ways to reduce your stress and re-establish your healthy boundaries.

We need to review every task we do. From phone calls, emails, appointments, shopping, chores, etc. Make a complete list of everything that takes up your time including: work, home, college, family, friends, other people, health, finances, etc.

Get your journal out and ask yourself these questions in relation to each area of your life:

1. What is already on your to do list? You might need to track what you really do for a few weeks to find out exactly how much you do and for whom.
2. Why is that task really there? In other words do you, and only you, really need to do it?
3. Are you able to delete this task? If you can then do so immediately. If not, why are you unable to delete it? Be honest with yourself here.
4. Is there a task you can delegate to someone else? If you can then ask that person and let it go from your list. If not, again why not? Be honest with your self.
5. Can you hand a task back to someone who really owns this task? This might take some courage and a conversation but don’t put it off. Hand the task back to that person, your mental and physical health need you do right now. If you can’t hand it back again why not? Be honest what payoff do you get from keeping this task?
6. Do you ask for help when you need to? If you don’t why not? Don’t you deserve help?
7. What purpose does this task serve for you? If it’s your responsibility in work, college or home then do you need help with it? If it really isn’t your task or you have been left with a task that someone else is also responsible for, then why are you not holding them accountable? Plus what is your payoff for continuing to do the task?
8. Most of the time stressed people are also very busy people. You know the saying if you want something done ask a busy person. But being busy may not always be good for us or our mental health. It may also be a payoff for us to keep busy. Why are you keeping yourself so busy in the first place?
9. Are you avoiding something or someone? You might not even realize you have been doing that.

Go back over your negative thinking for the above questions. Do they feed a negative belief? Are co-dependency, perfectionist, etc., streaks coming out?

Reviewing our priorities is a simply exercise, at least on paper. But when we stop to do this we can find some answers we may not like or something we have been avoiding. I talked about avoidance last week it is the one behaviour most stressed people have in common. Are you doing this? Be honest with yourself at least.

The whole idea behind reviewing our priorities is to reduce your to do list and in doing so reduce your stress. It will free up time to spend on activities that manage your stress levels. Plus give you time to spend on things, and with people, that are more important to you.

It’s a good idea to do this review at least every month at the start. Then every 3 months at the very latest if we want to keep on top of our stress. If you’d like to complete a more detailed review of all the areas of your life then check out my blog on doing a mid-year review. It can be completed at anytime of the year.

Say No!

Behind reducing our to do list will be our ability to start saying no to people and tasks. Start by saying no to any more commitments until you establish what you want to commit to in the future. Remember the saying if you want something done ask a busy person? Well that’s you right now. You have probably become the go to person for everyone else and their problems. If you can’t say no please explain to me why not? What are you getting out of it? Again you need to be honest with yourself at the very least.

Time to stop the guilt and just say no, you have already admitted you are stressed by reading this blog series. You’re feeling tired and overwhelmed by what’s on your to do list. So please stop adding to it now.

It is okay to say no. Saying yes and people pleasing got you into this mess. Stop it now before you become burnout. The people you are probably saying yes to will find someone else very quickly to replace you. So let go of the guilt and just say no everyone will survive.

If you are struggling to say no please check out my video here.

Once we have our to do list paired down we need some time management skills to keep on top of our schedule.

Good Time Management Is Crucial. 

Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. It is hard to remain calm and focused when we are stress. But we also tend to push all the healthy balance from your lives as well. There are ways you can reduce stress by using good time management. This should include:

1. Not over-committing yourself.
2. Prioritizing your weekly and daily tasks.
3. Breaking projects into smaller steps.
4. Delegate, delete or ask for help as appropriately.

Break Your Projects Into Small Steps.

A large project or goal can seem overwhelming. But making a step-by-step plan will help you succeed. This is all about focusing in on what really needs to be done and then breaking it down in monthly, weekly and smaller daily actionable steps.

Focus on one manageable step at a time rather than taking on everything at once. That way you are less likely to become stressed and overwhelmed by the project itself. Don’t forget to delegate as needed and don’t be afraid to ask for help as well.

Make Your Projects Into SMART Goals.

Make sure you set SMART goals, ones that are in line with your values and beliefs. Otherwise you will sabotage yourself in your attempt to complete them. SMART goals stands for:

1. S = Work out exactly what you want to achieve first and foremost is crucial. What are you hoping to achieve in the end? Why will this be good for you? Can it be broken down into smaller steps? (Use problem solving strategy here like the Stop, Think, Decide method.)
2. M = How will you know when you reach your goal? Or each step on the way? Make your monthly and weekly goals as clear cut as you can.
3. A = Challenge yourself but make sure the goal is within your grasp. Do you have enough control, help, skills, etc., to achieve your goal? Do you need help to reach them? Take some training? Can you delegate to get some of the work completed?
4. R = Is this a worthwhile goal for me right now? Is this the best time to go for it? Are the monthly, weekly and daily actionable steps relevant to the project? Or am I putting work on myself? In other words: Would it be smarter to have someone else do one or more of the tasks as they have the expertise? Could a smarter way be found to achieve the same goal? Really look at all your options.
5. T = Time-bound. This gives you a time-frame for the project. Always have a start and finish date in mind. If you tend to procrastinate then give yourself a shorter time frame to complete the project. When can I start the project? Where will I be in one month’s time? When will I reach my goal? Think carefully about your goals or projects each step of the way.

From your SMART goals make sure to break them down into manageable monthly, weekly and daily tasks. As I said at the start of this series you may need to only plan one week or month ahead. That month could be your long-term goal. But as you get better at stress reduction you can move your long-term goals to three months. I wouldn’t move it out any further than that.

Yes you may have even longer term life goals. But try to only focus these down into three month chunks you can achieve.

Then Prioritize Your Top 3 Tasks Daily No More.

Having that new to-do list of tasks is great. But if the list is endless each day you will start to feel pressurized again and it’s unrealistic. You need to decide what and where your priorities lie each day. Tackle these first. Only then move on to the next 3 items on your to-do list.

Please make sure you are not doing something for someone else who is quite capable of doing it themselves or whose job it is in the first place. Making a Not To Do List is just as important as a to do list. If you’d like to learn more about this please pick up a copy of my book The Building Blocks Of Self-Care.

A Word On Over-Committing Ourselves.

Always schedule time off for you and with your positive supports first thing each week. Do not over schedule yourself or things back-to-back. Leave yourself time for lunch, other breaks and time to switch between tasks. Overestimate how long something will take rather than underestimate it. Remember to keep it simple, delete or delegate where you can and only focus on the areas you want to get done.

Focus And Stress.

Our ability to focus properly could be badly affected by stress. Being able to focus is important and we need to regain that ability as quickly as possible.

Being able to focus isn’t something we are naturally born with. It is a skill that we learn as we grow up. For some being able to focus is more difficult than for others. But focus is something that we can learn or regain at any time. It is vital that you make sure you are focusing on what’s really important to you. Otherwise we tend to sabotage ourselves very quickly.

If you are working on your new prioritized to do list then make sure you are focused on what really needs to be done. A question you can ask here is: Are you focusing in on the solution rather than just the problem?

When we are stressed we do tend to focus too much on the problem and not the correct solution. Remember just pick one thing at a time and focus on that. If you’d like more tips please check out my tips to regain focus blog and video.

Surround Yourself With Positive Supporters Is Vital.

Making contact with family and friends can release hormones that relieve stress. But you must feel comfortable and safe when doing this. We all need four types of positive support in our support system: Informational, Emotional, Social and Tangible supports. Being surrounded by positive people who can form your support system will be vital in tackling stress long-term. Giving and receiving support is one of the basic needs we have as humans.

Take some time to review who you have in your support system. How can they help you to reduce your stress? Use these questions to decide who you need in your support system and what kind of support they can give you.

1. List 3 supports people/group/communities currently in your life.
2. Describe how each can help you: Emotional, Tangible, Informational, Social Needs.
3. List any barriers to utilizing any of your supports.
4. List the ways you could better utilize your supports.
5. How could your supports help you with a current problem?
6. List other people/groups/communities you feel you need to support you that are currently missing in your life.

People who make it onto your positive supporters list are the ones you need to encourage time with. In order to do that we also need to let other people go from our lives.

Minimize Contact With Or Delete Negative People.

Negative vampires, people who bring you down and suck the life out of you, will never support you. It is always about them, their problems and how they can use you. They only add to your stress.

While reviewing the people in your life can you identify any negative people? If you find you are spending too much time with negative people it’s time to tackle these. Your time is a precious commodity and those you send it with should only support you.

Get your journal out and look at the reasons behind why these negative people are in your life. Plus ask yourself the following questions:

1. Can you eliminate negative people from your life?
2. If not, why is that not possible for you?
3. Can you at least minimize contact with this person?
4. If not, why can you not at least take back some of the time you devote to this person?

We really need to be honest with ourselves about all the areas of our life where stress exists. If not we will never reduce it. If we cannot eliminate negative people it may be that our boundaries are unhealthy. So make sure you are setting and building healthy boundaries with yourself and in your relationships.

Staying On Top Of Your Stress

You have learnt so much already and I hope have also gained some control over your stress. Remember it’s not a race. Take your time and make simple small changes to help you stay in control. Choose only the ones that will work for you.

Dealing With Setbacks.

It’s very common to have setbacks along the way. That is why I suggested weekly reviews and taking things slowly. The aim is progress over perfection here. Planning ahead will certainly help with trying to prevent setbacks. Plus remember a setback doesn’t mean you are all the way back to the beginning again. You have learnt a lot and can keep going.

Yes you might feel frustrated by your pace. Express your frustration and other emotions. Ask for help from your support system.  Ask yourself: What can I learn from this setback? Plan out how you will tackle a similar situation in the future. Praise yourself for achieving so much already. Then get back out there and continue on.

Remember the difference between those who fail or succeed is how they view failure. Successful people no matter what they are tackling in life when faced with failure will see it as a learning opportunity. So they learn, plan ahead, celebrate and keep going.

If you would like more quick stress management tips then do check out my other blogs.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.