So why do we need to relax?

Our lives are so busy these days that we might not even realize when stress has started to creep up on us.

Stress can build so slowly at times that we don’t realize how badly affected we are until we crash. We might have also developed poor coping mechanisms to help us deal with what is going on in our daily lives.

Perhaps you don’t recognize that you are stressed at all. You don’t see that some of the physical symptoms you have may be stress related. They may well be, so it is worth your time to find out more so you can eliminate or minimize them. 

If you think this is you then taking some form of relaxation may be the perfect solution to help you. But firstly we need to understand stress a little better. 

What are some reasons people need to take up relaxation?

1. Stress problems from work or family issues.
2. Pain management.
3. Headaches/migraines. These can be caused by allergies, stress, etc., so worth looking into with your doctor.
4. Anxiety and depression or other mental health issues.
5. Sleep problems.
6. Physical health problems e.g. heart conditions, stroke, etc.

There are of course many high stress events that can occur in our lives that will cause us stress, grief, anxiety and other mental health difficulties. 

Top 10 Stressors women can face in life.

1. Death of a spouse or child
2. Divorce
3. Marital separation
4. Imprisonment
5. Death of a close family member
6. Personal injury or illness
7. Marriage problems in general
8. Loss of work
9. Marital reconciliation
10. Retirement

How Stress Affects The Body.

Stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. It’s the body’s defense mechanism kicking in. When it works properly it can help us stay focused (meet that deadline), alert (keep an eye on the kids) and energetic (doing that exercise routine at the end of a long day) and cope with emergencies. 

Stress can be good when it’s an appropriate response. But it can also be a bad thing. When stress levels build up to such a state that we are constantly stressed, it becomes chronic stress. Chronic stress is not good for anyone.

What is stress doing to your body?

The nervous system isn’t good at distinguishing between emotional and physical threats. If we get constantly stressed over continuing periods of time it can be harder to switch off the stress levels.

If we tend to get stressed out frequently, our body may be in a constant state of stress most of the time. This can lead to serious mental and physical health problems such as:

1. Problems with your immune system.
2. Upset your digestive and reproductive systems.
3. Increase the risk of heart attack and stroke.
4. Speeding up of the ageing process.
5. Rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.

For more detailed information on how stress works please read my blog on stress in women.

For the above reasons it is recommended that we reduce our stress levels by using different forms of relaxation, exercise, have interests and hobbies and build up our social – face to face – interactions with family and friends, and take time off just for yourself.

In other words, make sure you have a good life/work balance. This will take a little planning on your part. We need to make stress reduction a priority in order to tackle it. That includes having a plan and allocating time to some stress reducing methods into our daily lives.

So what are some methods you can introduce now to reduce your stress levels immediately?

 It isn’t one size fits all here, but you do need to pick a method that suits you.

You can try a few different forms of relaxation until you find the right one for you.

These could include meditation such as mindfulness or the 7/11 breathing method, visualizations, journaling, brain dumps, using to do lists and not to do lists (which are of equal importance).

Lists and journals signal to your brain its okay to let these thoughts go for now as they are still there to be reviewed or consulted at the correct time and place. So they are invaluable as a stress reducing method.

None of these methods have to take up too much time in your life, but I would suggest that if you feel permanently rushed off your feet you need help or to start delegating some of the things you’re doing.

Let’s explore some of these methods in more detail so you can start today.

Journals:

You don’t have to start with “Dear Diary”. A journal is just a place to place our thoughts, ideas, to do lists, and feelings, etc., down on paper.

Some of you may feel uncomfortable doing this at first. But in a short space of time you will find that it helps you so much that it won’t bother you anymore.

If you feel so uncomfortable doing this I would suggest you start with a bullet journal format. This is simply method of writing everything down using bullet points, so everything that’s going on in your mind is written down but in no particular order. You don’t need sentences, sometimes it’s only a word or two that is needed.

Bullet journals can become much more elaborate though and can be very creatively designed and a great outlet for your creativity. See my post on How Can Creativity Be A Means Of Self-Care? for more information. It outlines why creativity is so important for everyone’s mental and physical health.

To Do Lists: 

I would use these with my planner (diary/calendar) and I would have no more than 3 top priorities each day. I focus on getting those completed before moving on to anything else that day. 

You can have to do lists for many things in your life from work, garden and house projects to a shopping list. Putting these things down on paper as I’ve said is a signal to your brain that it doesn’t have to keep everything to hand all at once. Thus allowing your mind to relax and in the long run be more productive.

A word about the not to do list. To me, this is the most important list you will ever write! A not to do list allows you to hand back all those responsibilities you do for other people that they can do for themselves. These are things that can also keep you so stressed and leave you with no time for yourself.

If you are guilty of doing this, please stop now. You’re not doing them, or more importantly yourself, any favours in enabling that person. It’s time to allow them to be a grown-up.

How to write a Not To Do List

Take a large piece of paper and make a note of everything ( I mean everything) you do each day.

Now take another large piece of paper and divide it into 3 sections. Look at the list you have written and see what belongs in each of the following categories:

1. Someone else’s Responsibility? (stop doing these today and hand them back)
2. Things I can’t do and/or need help with? (Yes you can ask for help, yes you can ask for help from your support system)
3. My Responsibilities. ( this list should be shorter than the first list  – a lot shorter!)

You can get a free resource to help you complete this task in my Free Library you can sign up here. 

The 7/11 meditation method (Podcast Here)

You can’t be stressed and calm at the same time. The 7/11 method taps into to this idea.

The 7/11 technique is based on deep breathing. When we breathe in we get ready to do something (our sympathetic nervous system get’s us ready to start something) but then our out breath relaxes us (our Para-sympathetic nervous system gives us a relaxation response). By making our out breath longer than our in breath we are stimulating that relaxation response by tapping into the Para-sympathetic nervous system.

The 7/11 meditation is very simple to do:

1. Get comfortable, either sitting or lying down.
2. It can be helpful to shut your eyes and place your hands on your tummy, to begin with, so you can focus on the sensation of your stomach rising and falling as you breathe in and out.
3. Make sure you are warm, comfortable and will not be disturbed for at least 5 minutes, to begin with.

So to begin:

1. Breathe in for a count of 7 and exhale for a count of 11. Yes it is that simple.
2. Remember to keep your breath smooth as you do this.
3. Note: if you find this hard to do at first you can begin by using a count of 5 and 9 or 4 and 6. It doesn’t matter as long as you make the out breath longer than the in breath.

To make this meditation work you will need to make it, like any meditation practice, part of your daily routine perhaps taking 5 minutes in the morning or evening to start with. And then build it up to 10 minutes a day on a regular basis. As I said I have a podcast that goes into more detail on this meditation.

What is mindfulness? (Podcast Here)

Another meditation that people try is mindfulness. Mindfulness just means being present in the moment with self-compassion, kindness and being non-judgmental. It was originally brought into mainstream medicine about 30 years ago to help with pain management. But it has been found to have many benefits including stress reduction. 

I have outlined in more detail what mindfulness is in a series of podcasts that can be found here.

How to start a mindfulness meditation.

1. Wear something warm over your shoulders, most people find they feel cold around this area of the body while sitting.
2. Sit in a comfortable chair in a comfortable and warm room.
3. Make sure you will not be disturbed for 5/10 minutes to begin with.

How to do a five-minute mindfulness session.

1. Bring your attention to the air coming in through the nose and out through the nose
2. Notice the cold air as it enters your nose
3. Notice the warm air as it leaves your nose
4. Staying fully in touch with the breath as it enters the body and leaves the body, keeping awareness on the breath in this present moment.
5. Allow your thoughts to wander like clouds in the sky.
6. When you remember to bring you thought back to the breath. Remember just like any meditation your mind will wander, so simply refocus on the breath when you notice the wandering. 

A 10-minute mindfulness session on my podcast

Plus a 20 minute mindfulness session, and the 3 minute breather session which is another effective and simple meditation for on the go stress reduction, can also be found on my podcasts.

So what is going on in your life?

My questions to you are:

1. Why do you need to relax?
2. What prevents you from relaxing now?
3. How will you rectify this situation before it becomes a larger issue for you?

Only you can truly answer these questions and begin to take control over your life.

I’ve outlines only a few of the techniques you can use to reduce your stress levels. Try one or two and see how much you can adjust your stress levels.  Pick one 10 minute slot in your day and decide right now that you will take some time for yourself. You owe it to yourself and everyone else in your life to take care of yourself. After a month, you can review how you feel and maybe try another technique.

If you find time management an issue for you then I suggest you get a planner (diary) and check out my post on time management here. A lot of the time when we feel stressed we don’t realize we have taken on too much in a day. It is only when we see everything we actually do down on paper we begin to see we couldn’t possible get it all done. Having a proper time management system in place can help you achieve a better life/work balance.

My Book.

In my book The Building Blocks Of Self-Care I discuss more about improving sleep, stress reduction and meditation, plus a host of other related topics. So as a woman if you want to make stress reduction part of your life then you can purchase my book and workbook here.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.