People love to gossip and it’s not just something women do. Men can be equally guilty of spreading gossip and rumours as much as women. With the popularity of social media the spread of gossip has never been easier. But spreading gossip is never good, not for the person at the brunt end of it, or for your own mental health.

What Is Gossip?

Gossip can occur in a variety of settings. This can range from the office, school/college, online or family members or friends. It usually involves the spreading of rumours or sharing of another person’s personal or professional information. This is done without the person’s knowledge, presence and has the sole purpose of inflicting pain, shame or embarrassment.

Why Do People Gossip?

There can be many reasons why people gossip. These can include revenge, jealousy, to increase their social standing, gain attention, to feel accepted, to feel better about themselves, etc.

People who do gossip often struggle with low self-esteem and in establishing their own identity. These people may have high levels of anxiety and hope to divert attention away from them.

Others view gossips as untrustworthy and quiet negative. They will want to avoid them as they never feel good being around them. Plus they suspect that if they are gossiping about one person then they too are probably the gossips next target.

How Gossips Affects People.

Some of the aims of gossip are to humiliate, shame, tarnish the person’s reputation and ostracized them. It is, whether consciously or not, the gossip’s aim to make sure that the person suffers some form of embarrassment and pain.

There can be long-term consequences of gossip that people never think about. These include a negative impact on the person’s self-confidence, work or school performance, home life and mental health. People who have been the subject of gossip have been shown to develop depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and eating disorders.

Plus it is never just the person that is targeted that is affected. Family members and close friends will also feel the impact of the gossips tongue. How can siblings and parents not be affected if their child is the subject of gossips.

Work gossip can spill over into family life, causing further stress, pressure and possible the breakdown of relationships. Gossip also creates a bad atmosphere in the workplace, pitting one person against another or creating “clicks”. It has been shown to reduce productivity, destroy reputations and not just the person being attacked. While it can also be used by narcissists and bullies to control and manipulate others in a toxic workplace.

Family gossip can cause a rift among family members. Again family members are being asked to choose sides. Gossip is a very isolating thing and if the gossip is within the family it can be even more isolating than gossip in the workplace or school. Who do you turn to for support if the gossip is one of your family, the very people you would normally turn to for help and support.

Of course the gossip may be the result of sibling rivalry or a means of control in a domestic violence situation. No matter the cause, or reason, for the gossip one thing is clear family members will see the gossip as a negative vampire and someone they will want to avoid.

What Does Gossip Do To Your Mental Health If You Are Listening To It?

So what about your mental health if you listen to, or take part in, gossip? Listening to constant criticism, even if it is about someone else, is very negative. Listening to the negative words other’s say can reinforce the negative self-talk in your own head. It takes a very confident, self-assured, healthy person to withstand that bombardment of negative words.

When we hear the gossip it starts those automatic negative thoughts and beliefs that undermine us. So we become triggered and respond with our own avoidance patterns. Even if the gossip is about someone else, even internet shares on social media, we start to think that perhaps it could be us next or about us. It can reinforce our own negative feelings and thoughts such as: “You’re no good”, “I’m too fat”, “I’m such a failure”, “I never get anything right”, etc.

In turn these thoughts and feelings raise our own stress and anxiety levels. We feel worse about ourselves and our self-confidence takes a knock. We worry more, criticise ourselves more, our perfectionism cycle is triggered, and we can feel more victimised.

What To Do When You Hear Gossip.

Gossip isn’t easy to avoid. It can be easier in certain situations such as minimizing our interactions on social media or with negative news content. But workplace, school or family gossips can take a bit more work to avoid.

In some cases if we ignore the gossip it will die a death. Gossip requires people to be willing to pass it on and continue the cycle. But stopping people before they start to gossip, not spreading the gossip to someone else, does help put an end to it.

It can of course be much harder to address the gossip head on. But if you feel able to do so it will not only help the person subjected to the gossip. The next time that person has some gossip to spread they are less likely to speak to you about it. Being assertive and using logic to highlight the effects of the gossip can help the other person realize their actions have consequences.

As gossip can be isolating for the person who is targeted. Offering them your support will help if they feel ostracized. Helping them speak to a manager in work, or a school counselor, will also help. Allowing them to talk and being willing to just listen can also be supportive.

Other ways to prevent gossip.

Change the subject as soon as the person starts to gossip. If you know the person well this may be easier as they will have other safer topics you can ask about.

Get up and leave as soon as the gossip starts. It can be harder to do in practice but people will soon get the message you won’t listen to gossip.

Never engage in whispering in front of others. Even if you aren’t speaking about someone others might get the wrong impression and try to engage you in gossip. Or they may feel you are speaking about them and become upset as a result.

Reach Out For Support.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist. Please reach out to a local therapist if you need to.

My Workbooks

I offer a variety of tips and discuss a range of topics in my workbooks The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, Moving Towards Self-forgiveness, The Little Book Of Reflection And Gratitude and Building Acceptance Into Your Life. You can purchase them on Amazon or here