One of the best things we can do as parents is to help our teens feel empowered. It isn’t easy if you already have a teen that is feeling depressed, anxious or despondent but never be afraid to as for help from your GP or local services.

For me, empowering teens begins long before they reach teenagers or pre-teen years. It begins at birth and it begins with you the parent feeling empowered yourself.

So if you don’t feel confident, or feel you have childhood issues that need to be dealt with, then when your child is small is an ideal time to address those issues. But always remember it is never too late to deal with anything in therapy. 

Watch Your Own Behaviour.

Our children learn from us and what we model. So if you don’t model that behaviour they won’t either.

It’s no harm to take a parenting course to help you.  Our kids certainly don’t come with a how-to manual, I wish they did! In saying all that, remember a couple of things:

1. You know your kids best, so trust your gut instinct when it comes to them and asking for help and
2. If at the end of the day you can put your hand on your heart and say I did the best job I can, then you did and they’ll be fine.

12 Things Your Can Do To Help Empower Your Teen.

1. Begin as soon as they’re born.

If not as soon as possible to empower them and model the behaviour and values you want to see in your adult child. So that means sitting down as a parent(s) and deciding on how you want to bring up your children.

What style of parenting you will operate? How will they be disciplined? How you communicate with each other and with them is important here too. Practising active listening is one of the best skills you can teach your child and teen to do.

Don’t be afraid to set out a contract at any age with your child on any subject. Remember though these need to be flexible enough to grow as they grow. An example here could be around when they complete their homework. Is this directly after school, before TV or gaming? Another example would be around when they get a mobile phone. This could be at the start of secondary school approximately 12/13 (high school).

What else do you want a contract about? A contract is basically about the rules of the home plus consequences for breaking those rules. You have to follow through with the consequences or there’s no point and you have to be subject to the same rules. So if it’s a no phone after a set hour or at the dinner table that means you must leave your phone off too.

Older teens can help negotiate these rules and consequences and should be encouraged to do so. This helps them see that in life we have to live by rules of society and they will suffer the consequences if they don’t.

2. Teach your kids to relax.

Again practice relaxation yourself. If you’re a workaholic or carry too much anxiety and stress around, this isn’t good for your kids either. They will model this behaviour later in life too.

So take a relaxation class, pick up some hobbies and show your kids it’s okay to have some downtime from work too. Kids are under too much pressure in school, they need to come home and let off steam too.

Remember there are many ways now to get into college so high points aren’t necessary. We have add-on degrees here in Ireland now. So make sure you investigate all the possibilities available today, not just what was available to you when you attended secondary school.

Remember also that we need creativity to be more productive and think outside the box. This is essential for good leadership skills also and we will need this more than ever going forward.

3. Teach your Teen how to study and set goals.

This will help them in college, university and in later life. Being able to work out our goals, or the tasks of a project, and break them down into manageable steps isn’t a skill we necessarily learn in school. But it is a valuable one to know for life. So make sure they know how to do this.

4. Watch how you talk about yourself too.

Eliminating negative self-talk and use positive self-talk instead. This is another important thing to model as a parent.

If you find yourself using more negative self-talk then it’s time for a rethink. If your child hears you speak to yourself in this manner they will pick up on this and start to talk to themselves in the same way.

So ask for help for you if this is a problem or you find you lack self-confidence. Building up your self-confidence will have a positive knock-on effect on your child.

5. Model positive self-soothing.

In other words, using good rewards and treats instead of bad habits to comfort yourself. I have got a whole blog series on self-care and self-soothing habits you can use instead of old bad habits so why not check them out here. I also have a short course in my free group for mums on this topic. You can join Less Stressed More Success For Mums here.

6. Show them how to balance a budget and make good financial decisions.

This is again a skill for life you can teach any age group. Give them pocket-money but make sure they set up a savings account as well. Show them how to spend and save their money in an efficient manner is a great life skill to teach them. 

Get them involved in menu and shopping planning as well. It is important that teens begin to understand the cost of main household items and bills. You’re helping set them up for college or later in life when you do this.

7. Welcome their friends into your home.

It’s a good idea to know who their friends are, get to know them and their parents. So have gaming nights, sleepovers, etc.,  in your home. But also ask they clean up after themselves and show your home respect.

This way you get to know their friends and always make sure you have the contact details of their friends parents.

Never be afraid to pick up that phone and call another parent either. Especially when they say so and so is getting something you feel is outrageous. Do check if they are really getting it. Or if they are going to visit someone else’s home, or some place else, you want to know they are safe.

8. Be the designated driver.

That doesn’t just mean at night but also to school and games or after school activities. Always greet everyone as they enter the car and then stay quiet no matter what you hear.

Your children and their friends will talk as you’ve now become a part of the steering wheel. So let them talk and at a much later time, maybe leave it a few days, ask your teen about what was said. Never say where you heard it just say you heard someone discussing it.

Never talk at your teen, but with a teen and the best approach is sitting or standing side by side doing something else. Yes, it’s okay to do it in the car or walking around a supermarket, unless it a sensitive issue.

If you hear something alarming don’t immediately react. Remain calm, investigate, speak with your partner and then with your teen. Allow them to speak, you listen!. This is important before you jump to any conclusion allow them to have their say. 

9. If you want respect, show them respect too.

This can at hard at times and can be a delicate balance. As they get older you want to give them privacy but also need to know they are safe.

So this is where the communication you have built up in earlier years comes into its own. You lay the groundwork from the time they are born to have a good communication with your child.

Use TV shows to have discussions about different topics the characters have brought up. Learn how to use technology and get advise on apps to help you monitor their phones and internet us.

If they use the internet it should be in full view of you. It is harder to police with tablets being made available now by schools for homework etc. But most schools are monitoring activity. But do make sure the school is on board too in how you can monitor their tablets from school.

Plus if they have contacts on any device including on their phones you and they should know that person in person too.

10. Never be afraid to ask for help.

If you don’t know what to do in any situation then ask for help. Show your teens it’s okay to be willing to do this too. It’s important they see that it’s okay to not have an answer sometimes and it’s alright to ask for help or advice. 

11. Both parents should sing from the same hymn sheet.

No matter what else happens when talking to your child, no matter what their age, you should always sing from the same hymn sheet as parents. This is especially important when co-parenting.

Kids will very quickly know who’s the softer touch and will play this up. So be united if they know they can divide and conquer they will. You are only setting them up for problems later in life if you teach them this kind of manipluation. 

12. Remember you’re doing the hardest job on the planet but you’re doing a great job.

Your teen’s job is to become an independent adult eventually. So they will push your rules. Keep your sense of humour throughout this and don’t get too stressed by it all. They and you will survive.

At the end of the day all they want is your love, time and approval. So make sure they know they have them no matter what.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.