Forgiveness Only Involves You. Reconciliation Involves The Other Person Too.

Forgive versus Reconciliation.

I got so hung up on having to forgive people in my life. I knew it was the best road to take for me, it would lead me to find serenity and peace in my life. But the thought of forgiving someone else and having to speak to them. No way! I’ve had some toxic people in my life, these people are still toxic they haven’t been able to learn to love themselves or others, unfortunately. So I knew talking to these people would be bad for me on so many levels. But what could I do? I needed to let these people go, I needed to forgive them and myself. But I also had to still protect myself from them.

Then I learnt the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. I had thought I would have to be a friend to that person again. I would have to seek forgiveness from them too for my role in what I did in enabling them. But no I learnt I could forgive them and it only involved me. I could still protect myself from them, protect myself physically and mentally and not see them in order to give forgiveness. But still find it within myself to forgive them and let them go. I had accepted the fact they would never be able to love me, speak to me with respect or be contained by my new healthy boundaries. I now knew I didn’t have to reconcile with them to forgive them. I didn’t need to hear their apology to move on with my life. That apology was never going to come anyway.

When dealing with toxic and negative people we have to work out what we want from them and ourselves. We need to realise, that apology, we’ve always thought we would someday get, will never happen. We have to protect ourselves and live our own lives.

You have to ask yourself: What do I want from this person? Is it an apology? If so how long are you prepared to put your life on hold waiting for something you have no control over? Remember these types of people have a very difficult time loving  themselves and they aren’t capable of loving someone  else too. So don’t wait too long with your decision to move forward with your life.

If you are having difficulties with toxic or negative people please seek help.

If you are in an abusive relationship please seek support from www.womensaid.ie or www.anyman.ie for men.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.