As I said in previous blogs in this series (start here) it’s the teen’s job now to move away from you and become independent adults. They can present with bizarre and sometimes unpredictable behaviour.

Some of this will be normal (and I hate this word “normal” as there is no such thing as normal) and some will not. It will raise red flags with you and  will need investigating and they will need help from you or a professional.

What behaviours do you need to watch for in a troubled teen?

Troubled teens will exhibit behavioural or emotional problems beyond typical teenage issues. It may be in repeatedly practising at-risk behaviours such as violence, skipping school, drinking, drug use, sex, self-harming, criminal acts. Or it could be symptoms of mental health problems like depression, anxiety, or eating disorders.

It can be hard at times for parents to know what is typical or troubled teenager behaviour so I’ve listed some ideas below. But remember this is not a complete list.

Seeking professional help for a troubled teen

If you identify red flag behaviours in your teen, consult your GP or main doctor first. They will refer you on to a counsellor or other mental health professional or service. These people can help you, and your child, to find an appropriate treatment.

A word about getting help. Once you have a therapist or service on board this doesn’t mean your job is done. A service, counselor or mental health professional will need, and want, your input while treating your child. Your child will require your support and unconditional love during this time also.

Do remember to read the previous blogs to get some ways in which you can help your teen and improve your relationship with them. This doesn’t need to wait until you see a professional for initial treatment, or for a diagnosis to be given, start now.

If your teen has been given a diagnosis, or is in counselling for a particular issue, please seek counselling yourself. Join a support group with other parents, contact a national organisation relating to their diagnosis and read as much as you can about your child’s condition.

This will help you tremendously. It can feel very isolating and alone when your child has a problem or disability. You may have feelings of guilt, shame or anger. You will need help to process these. Plus you need to realize that you are not alone in this nor are you the only parent with a child facing difficulties.

Typical Behaviour versus Troubled Behaviour.

I’d preference all this by saying nothing is straightforward. As parents we know our children best so please trust your gut instinct first and seek help as early as possible.

Changing their appearance.

Typical teen behaviour: Keeping up with the latest fashion is important to some teens but others may not be interested. This will be more so in girls than boys but it isn’t a hard and fast rule.

They will want to keep up with their peers/friends. That may mean that they want to wear what you feel is inappropriate, provocative or attention-seeking clothing. Or they could start dyeing their hair and getting piercings.

It’s important to note that it is important to avoid criticizing them and save your protests for the bigger issues. In years to come, they will cringe, as you did, at their choices.

Warning signs: Changing appearance can, of course, be a red flag. Particularly if it’s accompanied by problems at school, other negative changes in behaviour, self-harm or cutting, depression, extreme weight loss or weight gain. Again I’d stress if you are concerned contact your GP or main family doctor immediately for a chat at the very least.

Increased arguments and rebellious behaviour.

Typical teen behaviour: As I’ve said in previous blogs (week 2, week 3) teens are beginning to seek independence. Yes it will cause you to frequently butt heads and argue with them. I’ve already suggested ways in which you can help your teen starting in the first blog.

Warning signs: Constant escalation of arguments and violence at home, skipping school, getting in fights outside of the home, being in trouble with the law are all red flag behaviours that go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion. They suggest something is going on and that your teen is looking for help. Intervention is required immediately and you will probably require help from professionals.

Mood swings

Typical teen behaviour: As I’ve already said their brain is changing, they also have hormonal and physical changes. This means that your teen will experience mood swings, irritable behaviour and struggle to manage their emotions.

Warning signs: Complete changes in personality, falling grades, persistent sadness, anxiety, sleep problems could indicate depression, bullying, or another emotional health issue. Please take any talk about suicide seriously and seek immediate help on any of these issues.

Experimenting with alcohol or drugs

Typical teen behaviour: Most teens will try alcohol and/or smoking a cigarette or even try marijuana. Making sure you take time to discuss the use of any these chemicals on their bodies is important.

Please try not to talk to but with them. Have open, frank and continuous discussions with them is best. Letting them know you are there to support them no matter what is important, we all make mistakes after all.

Warning signs: If alcohol and/or drug use becomes habitual, especially when accompanied by problems at school or home, it may indicate a substance abuse issue or other underlying problems.

Early intervention and seeking professional help is best. As using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs, at this stage as a form of dissociation can be helped much more quickly if caught early. This is usually a sign of distress and of a much larger problem for the teen.

More influenced by friends than parents

Typical teen behaviour: Yes, at this stage they are going to be more influenced by their friends than you as their parent. Remember they are rejecting themselves as children and forging themselves into the adult they will become.

In saying that, you still have great influence. You may not think it but you do, they see and hear everything you say and it matters to them. This may leave you feeling hurt at times. But it doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t still need your love.

Warning signs: Some Red Flags include: A sudden change in peer group accompanied by new friends encouraging bad behaviour. Refusing to comply reasonable house rules/consequences. Displays of unhealthy boundaries. 

Note: Spending too much time alone and dropping all friends can also indicate problems. So don’t leave this kind of behaviour without investigation either.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No parent is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life.

If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.