When we think of a best friend we think of someone that is supper supportive in a positive way. But they are also loyal, fun, honest, compassionate, loves us unconditionally and above all always there for us as we are for them.

Best friends tend to bring out the best in each other and want only the best for the other. They celebrate all your wins no matter how small and give you compliments, especially when you are not feeling your best. They listen tirelessly to your stories, complaints, and heartaches, hold you when you cry but isn’t afraid to tell you how it is.

But What Happens When It Comes To Ourselves?

We are brilliant best friends to others, maybe it’s only one person, but they know you will always be there for them in the ways I’ve outlined above. So why can’t you also be your own best friend?

When it comes to ourselves we seem to shy away from doing all of the above for ourselves. We give to others but allow ourselves to run on empty for years. Plus we accept constant put downs and put up with our own bad behaviour and self-neglect. Yet we wouldn’t accept any of that from another, or at least I hope you don’t (See red flags in relationships if you are not sure what I mean).

Unfortunately, we fail to realize that being our own best friend is part of our basic self-care. Let that sink in for a minute. Being your own best friend is part of looking after yourself in a positive way. It’s your basic self-care, just like brushing your teeth, having a shower, meditation, eating, exercising, etc., it’s all self-care. It also enables you to be a better friend to others.

So what if you want to change this and start to become your own best friend? Why would even you want to become your own best friend?

What Are The Benefits Of Being Your Own Best Friend.

Well there are a number of benefits to creating your own inner support system (this list is not inclusive):

1. We become more self-reliant in our daily lives.
2. We are more compassionate and nice to ourselves.
3. Our trust in our gut instinct increases and judgment in decision making. We are less likely therefore to be swayed by others in to accepting what is not right for us.
4. We can stand back from our thought patterns and build a more positive internal commentary.
5. We are more likely to honour, and ask for, our own needs and be more productive as a result.
6. Plus we are more likely to look after our own mental and physical health therefore cultivating a more positive self image.
7. Be our own source of comfort in times of loneliness, insecurity and instability.

So what are some of the things you can do to nurture your best friend relationship with yourself?

9 Tips On How To Be Your Own Best Friend.

1. Start with some basic self-care including creating positive habits to replace any negative ones you feel need replacing. Get your emergency self-care kit in place to help on bad days. I’ve talked about all of these in the last few weeks so do check out the blogs.
2. Delete Negative Self-Talk: Meditation, which I consider part of your basic self-care, will also help you start to notice your self-talk. Is this self-talk positive or negative? What thoughts are the most dominate in your mind every day? I talk more about deleting negative self-talk in this blog.
3. Start being nicer to yourself: How do you treat your best friend? How do you treat other people in your life, family, friends, and colleagues? Remember being your own best friend means being honest with yourself. So start being honest here, do you treat everyone better than you do yourself? If so, then it’s time to start doing some things for yourself first.  Of course stopping being so self-critical as suggested above is the first step here but so is celebrating all your wins, no matter how small. Acknowledging your strengths, talents, make a list and create a treats and reward list, but most importantly use it to celebrate you.
4. Ask for what you want and need: If you need help, support, time off, then ask for it. What advice would you give to a friend here if you saw they were struggling with their workload? Hand back others responsibilities is probably what you’d say or “why didn’t you ask for help?”  Again be honest here, are you doing other’s work and allowing them to skate? Are you the family member who everyone calls when they need help? But do you ever ask for help when you need it? Do you cover for work colleagues and pick up the slack? Now is the time to stop, put you first, and allow others the respect they deserve by doing their own chores/work. If you have found yourself stressed then you probably are taking on too much. It’s time for a review of your priorities. Now is the time to accept your own advice and put yourself at the top of your to do list. Give yourself more compliments, go on a date with yourself (even if it’s a bubble bath), and develop your interests and hobbies also, you get the idea. If this feels scary start small and build from there.
5. Start being more compassionate with yourself: If you are finding the above hard to implement then it’s time to look at your self-compassion. Compassion is all about accepting ourselves just as we are right now and remembering you are doing your best. It’s about loving and caring for you instead of putting yourself down or needing to find a solution right here and now. Let go of the need to control everything in your life and know that the solution will come at the right time.
6. Spend some time getting to know yourself: Get out your journal (yes journaling is a daily basic self-care need) and think about what motivates you. What are your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, beliefs, values, what is your ideal day like, gaols, what does your ideal job, home, etc., look like, where would you like to travel to, hobbies, etc. Hunt it all down and journal it all out. Then ask yourself why do you want to have these things?  Why do you want to pursue these goals? Are they even your goals or someone else’s? Are your likes, dislikes, values, beliefs, about you or have you adopted someone else’s?  Give it some thought. You don’t have to hold on to anything forever, we all change as we grown older. We can always change our mind at any time. The point here is to develop more self-awareness this will also allow you to trust your gut instinct more and not to be so easily influenced by others.
7. Consider your relationships: What kind of people do you have in your life? Are they positive or negative? Do they help or hinder you? Do they always ask for favours but never return them? Do they only contact you when they want something but you know you couldn’t rely on them in return? This includes family, friends, colleagues, neighbours and partner if you have one. It is very difficult to be your own best friend if you are surrounded by high levels of negative people. Not only are they toxic to be around for your self-esteem, they require a high level of maintenance from you and are not good role models as far as best friend material is concerned. It’s time to review everyone in your life. Deleting people can be very scary but it can be done. I talk more about this here. But to get you started just make a list of everyone in your life and decide whether they are positive or negative. Now is there anyone on that list you can delete straight away? Hint, don’t start with family. With negative family members it can be easier to minimise contact at the start, you can use the same method with anyone really. This might help you minimise your guilt at cutting them out of your life completely if you do it in a reduced fashion.
8. Set some achievable goals and step out of your comfort zone: A lot of the time when we set a goal it’s too big and we quickly lose focus. We end up giving up and then berate ourselves for doing such a poor job. It sets up a negative cycle in our heads. By setting smaller goals we can gain a quick win and thus build our positivity towards successful outcomes in the future. I talked about doing this recently you can check it here. Stepping outside our comfort zone can be scary, but very possible if done slowly and in increments. Access your current comfort zone then decide what just beyond that would look like. Now imagine what a small step would look, and feel, like to take? If it’s too scary to even contemplate, then you’ve gone too far outside your current comfort zone. If it’s just a little scary but you feel it would be still possible to do then take that step. Afterward reflect on what happen. How did it feel and celebrate your achievement. This is the vital part, celebrations acknowledges to our brain that we did a great job and can do, and should do, it again.
9. Have patience with yourself: When you work on this you are stepping outside your comfort zone. You are building new changes into your life. It can be scary but it also takes time. You have to work on it every day just like any other intimate relationship you have. Tracking your progress can help you see how far you have come in your journey. You can use your journal to do this. Notice how your sense of self-esteem, independence, self-care, self-love and positivity are growing. Celebrate all the small wins and acknowledge how grateful you are to have you in your life. But most of all remember to have fun.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.