A healthy set of boundaries is vital for a balanced life. Being able to set limits with people is an important part of those boundaries. But all too often when we become stressed we forget to do just that.

Too much stress can, if left untreated, lead to burnout, depression and anxiety. We need to intervene and take back control of our lives before this happens. But how can we do that? One way is to re-establish our boundaries again.

So Where Do You Stand With Your Boundaries?

Do you constantly saying yes when you know you haven’t got the time? Are you making decisions based on people pleasing or other’s opinions of what you should or should not be doing? Is fear stopping you from disagreeing?

Are you trying to make everyone around you happy? Only to realize you are miserable as a result and using food, or some other form of unhealthy dissociation, to stuff down your feelings?

Are you hoping others will finally wake up or grow up and realize they can take control over their own lives and you can let go of trying to control it all?

Well you will be a long time waiting! Your boundaries are skewed no wonder you are stressed. It’s also no wonder you feel unhappy. You have probably also lost a sense of your own identity trying to change who you are to fit in with what others think.

What Do Healthy Boundaries Look Like?

People with clear boundaries have a better sense of their identity and sense of self worth. They engage with other people who have healthy boundaries and delete negative people from their lives.

They set up a positive support system around them. People with healthy boundaries are not afraid to ask for what they want, need or express their own ideas and thoughts. They are comfortable saying no when they need to. These people feel self-confident even when they make mistakes as they don’t see these as personal failures or set-backs but something to learn from.

They know they are responsible for only their happiness and acknowledge how they are feeling. Although they are open to others opinions they are not so easily swayed by them. They communicate effectively and make decisions based on their own values and beliefs.

People with healthy boundaries know that these boundaries will empower them. This will translate to having not only a long-lasting, respectful relationship but for personal growth throughout their lives.

When we lose these healthy boundaries we fail to set limits on what we will and won’t accept from others and ourselves. We lose sight of others people’s boundaries also thus treating them and ourselves with disrespect and mistrust. It can be all too easy to fall into this trap when we get busy and become stressed out. So how can we re-establish our boundaries again and thus manage our stress?

How To Re-Establish Your Boundaries To Reduce Your Stress.

Say No!

Start by saying no to any more commitments until you establish what you want to commit to in the future. Remember the saying if you want something done ask a busy person? Well that’s you; you have probably become the go to person for everyone else. If you can’t say no please explain to me why not? What are you getting out of it? Be honest with yourself at the very least.

Time to stop the guilt and just say no, you have already admitted you are stressed by reading this blog. You’re feeling tired and overwhelmed by what’s on your to do list so please stop adding to it now.

It’s okay to say no, saying yes and people pleasing got you into this mess, stop it now before you become burnout. The people you are probably saying yes to will find someone else very quickly to replace you. So let go of the guilt and just say no everyone will survive.

If you are struggling to say no please check out my video here.

Review Your Priorities Please.

Again this ties in to above points about saying no. Reviewing your priorities is one of the quickest ways to reduce your stress and re-establish your boundaries.

What is already on your to do list? Why is it really there? Are you able to delete or delegate anything? Can you hand it back to someone who really owns this task? Do you ask for help when you need to? What purpose does this task serve for you?

Why are you keeping yourself so busy in the first place? Are you avoiding something or someone? You might not even realize you have been doing that.

Reviewing our priorities is a simply exercise, at least on paper. But when we stop to do this we can find some answers we may not like or something we have been avoiding.

Look At How You Are Treating Others.

You are responsible for how you treat others just as much as you are responsible for allowing people to treat you with disrespect. If someone crosses your boundaries remain calm and firming remind them they have crossed a line you will not accept. You don’t need to repeat yourself but you do need to follow through if they continue with bad behaviour. There must be consequences.

Accepting any bad behaviour is a waste of your time, your happiness and health so don’t allow it to become a habit for you.

But this works equally for you, remember if you are the one ranting to yourself in private or actually screaming at someone you are the one with the problem. If you find yourself in this position, or blaming others for how you feel, then stop and look in the mirror.

It’s okay to take a break from a difficult conversation or to think about a respond before giving it. In fact if you find yourself angry and unable to respond appropriately then stop, take a breath and ask for some time before you continue the conversation.

I discuss how to communicate when angry in this blog and video.

Start To Trust Your Gut Instinct Again.

Start to trust you gut instinct again. When we are stressed and feeling overwhelmed we tend to switch off tuning into our gut instinct. Reconnect with it and remember that if you feel uncomfortable around someone, or a situation, then it’s time to disengage.

Never allow a situation escalate, but if you find something is getting out of hand then ask to take a break. Slip off somewhere quiet and calm yourself enough so you can establish what is really going on.

Remember you have a right to your own thoughts and feelings and are entitled to express these appropriately. If someone starts to shut you down then they are violating your boundaries. Disengage as quickly as possible and walk away from this person.

Equally you have to recognize someone else is entitled to their feelings and to express these appropriately also. But the key word here is appropriately. You are not a punch bag for anyone.

Build Your Positive Support System.

When we are stressed we really need positive people who will understand, listen and support us more than ever. Giving and receiving that support is one of the basic needs we have as humans.

There are many benefits to having a strong support system in place in our lives including of course reducing stress, anxiety and depression. The size of your support system will depend upon you personal preferences. Many people do great in larger groups while others require a smaller group to thrive. It really doesn’t matter the size as long as you have one.

The support system you need should include positive people who can offer you tangible, emotional, informational and social supports. It is all too easy though when we become stressed to allow our boundaries to slip and thus allow negative people to take advantage of us.

Build Your Self-Care Foundations.

I’ve said it time and time again if you want healthy boundaries then you need to put your self-care foundations in place. This is one of the first steps we can take to reclaim healthy boundaries and self-empowerment.

The basics include the following:

• Sleep between 7 and 9 hours every night or try to.
• Eat regular meals daily including taking time for breakfast.
• Drink water daily and cut back on caffeine. I know caffeine is the staple of every busy person but you’ll feel and sleep better too.
• Exercise 30 minutes; 5 days a week: I know, break it up into either 10-minute intervals or combine it with a hobby to make it more fun.
• Shower regularly, yes an obvious one but if your stress has built to such a high level you may find your mental health affected and showering may be one of the first things to go.
• Dress the best you can, every day. Something that helps you feel good. Not what others say you should be wearing? Wash your clothes every week.
• Pray/meditate daily
• Journal: include 3 things you’re grateful for daily. This will help build your positivity quicker than any other mental health tool you can try.
• Take time for your own interests and hobbies. It’s ok to do this.
• Meet up with friends and family – only if they are supporting you. No negative vampires need apply.
• Parents, take time out to be a couple every week, it doesn’t mean it has to cost anything if that is a concern.
• Ask for help, speak to a professional if necessary, your doctor could be your first port of call.
• Have regular check-ups: Doctor and dentist appointments, these are often one of the first things we neglect when we become stressed or overwhelmed.

We all struggle with setting boundaries from time to time. It is important to realize that creating healthy boundaries is an act of self-love and self-empowerment.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.