Holidays can be so stressful for everyone. The first thing we normally do is drop our routine in order to get everything else we think is needed done. This is a bad mistake on so many levels.

Give yourself permission to let go of the ideal perfectionist holiday. Instead try to relax more and do what this time of year is more about, enjoying the time with family, friends, children, grandchildren.

First Things First

Try to savoury and make as many memories as you can. For it is that memory that we remember most not the high-end production of it all.

Having the very basic of self-care is vital all year round. But this becomes more so during the run up to the holidays. Many factors may contribute to your additional stress both externally and internally.

First off it is essential that we set boundaries at this time of year. It is okay to say no. No to overspending, no to over indulging, no to neglecting yourself, no to feeling guilty, no to hosting the festivities, no to going to every event you are invited to.

Secondly allow yourself to slow down, relax more and enjoy yourself.

Some great questions to ask yourself are:

• What part of the holiday is most in line with my values?
• What do I want to happen this year?
• Who do I want to connect with?
• What traditions do I want to maintain, let go of, or make happen, this year?

The first thing we need to do in setting some boundaries is to make time for some self-care and self-help to reduce your stress levels.

Self-Help Tips Before Christmas.

Letting go of your self-care is not going to do you any favours. Christmas is hectic, especially if you are the one hosting. So between now & Christmas Eve, I want you to spend some time just for yourself & relax.

1. Stop saying yes to everything and everyone. That’s the number one rule for the next few weeks. This is part of your setting healthy boundaries. Schedule in only what you really want attend. Yes you need to have an excuse ready for the really pushy ones. Let go of the guilt.
2. Stimulate your senses. The best way to do this is by having a relaxing bath at least once a week; light the candles, put in your favourite bath product. Just sink into the bath & relax. If you are a stay at home parent you can always do this after the kids are dropped off to school.
3. Take all your breaks, yes lunchtime, elevenses, 3 pm etc., you need it. Life will go on & if you are so busy that you never take your lunch then I suggest you start doing it. Get outside for at least 15 minutes you need vitamin D & it also helps lift your mood.
4. Meditate try some mindfulness or any meditation at all. Go on give it a go, 10 minutes a day it will change your perspective on life. Or if you feel pressured try a 3 minute breather, it can be done anywhere and at anytime during the day. Podcast links for different meditations are here and in the links above.
5. Don’t let your Hobbies/Interests go.

Other Key Ideas That Can Help With Your Stress Reduction

1. Attend any support groups. This may be more vital than usual.
2. Catch up with your support system. Holidays are stressful all-round so taking time to catch up, and moan if you need to, to some supportive friends is a good way to release that stress.
3. Date Nights are still on the cards. If you’re in a relationship have a date night at least once this week or over Christmas. You don’t have to go out, cook a meal together, set the table & light the candles. Relax in front of the TV or just play a silly board game. If you have children you are showing them how two people love each other in a healthy manner.

Ideas To Help Your Mental Health

1. Protect your sleep routine: Try to get to bed on time or a little early, stop all social media on your phone at night & remove all distractions from the room.
2. Keep exercise and healthy eating patterns up, this is essential. Our lives become more stressed now as I’ve said and your exercise routine will help to reduce that, improve your mood and combat any rising depression or anxiety you may be experiencing. If you are pushed for time go out for a 10 minute walk or do some light stretches instead of skipping your workout completely.
3. Try a Journal. Getting your emotions & thoughts out of your head is important. It is a great way to relax & help your mind switch off at night. It doesn’t have to be anything special, a simple notebook will do. So starting right now, jot down your thoughts, no matter how silly or angry, just get them out & see what happens.
4. Show some gratitude: Don’t forget to add 3 things you’re grateful for that day to the end of the page. It will, I promise, change your mind.
5. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. This time of year can bring up some very strong emotions. If you indulge in extra eating or drinking to stuff down your emotions it will only make matters worse. You are better off acknowledging what you are feeling. Reach out to your support system to talk things through. Journal and ask for help from professionals if need be. Make sure you have your emergency bad day care kit stocked with healthy self-soothing items. Sticking to your normal self-care plan will also help.

Self-Care Specifically For Christmas

Don’t get caught up in the hustle and bustle of it all, so make a list. Santa isn’t the only one who should make a list for a number of reasons. Things can be very expensive for people at this time of the year. Nothing adds to your stress than spending money you don’t have. So please don’t do it.

Making A List Helps You Stay On Budget. 

By making a list of food, presents, etc., you know what’s needed & how much you’ll need to spend. Stick to the list & the budget. You don’t need to go into debt for Christmas.

If money is tight & you have a big family suggest that presents are only bought for children & you all get together to have Kris kindle for each child. So that you only have to buy for your own children – Santa – & one other child in the family.

Please remember how bad you felt last year trying to pay off that debt. Just don’t go there this year. You owe it to yourself to do this & if you are honest with no one else at least be honest with yourself. Most importantly do things in moderation.

The List Reduces The Stress And Anxiety

You get stuff done quickly. It cuts down on you feeling overwhelmed. If you know what you want you can head straight to a store & pick it up or order online. That’s what I did. I had a list of who I wanted presents for, I headed out, bought what I needed & that’s it I’m finished in one afternoon.

This also helps if you don’t like to be in shops when the crowds hit. You can be in & out as soon as the shops’ open & before others arrive. Taking your time because you have a list means you can relax, pace yourself, and enjoy the shopping or more free time.

Don’t forget to put yourself on the list.

Christmas Day Survival Skills

Christmas day can be hard for many of us. So first off do spare a thought for others less fortunate than yourself. In saying that, Christmas can be a time of loneliness & difficulties.

So if you know someone who is spending time alone this Christmas spare them some time. Time is a wonderful gift. It costs us nothing but our willingness to give.

Check on neighbours to see if they are alright. Call someone you know is alone. Spending even 10 minutes on the phone with someone is a more precious gift than any present you could give them. If possible invite them to spend time with your family this year.

Family Time Ideas That Might Help

Family get togethers can be sometimes fraught with difficulties but this is the time of forgiveness & letting go. I know that is easier said than done. Forgiveness is a one-way street, you forgive the person but you don’t necessarily reconcile with them. That would mean they would have to seek your forgiveness & change their ways. Forgiveness is about you & your mental health. It isn’t about the other person.

When you’re with your family it can cause so many issues to arise from your childhood, past hurts, sibling rivalry etc.

So what do you?

1. If you find yourself stressed, lonely, tired, overwhelmed or angry: Well the good old adage of counting to 10 helps – the meditation you have been doing should also help here. Move away from others, take a few minutes break and use your 3 minute breathers through-out the day.
2. Also use HALT. That means you stop what you are doing and take care of your needs to meet what is going on with you. Hungry, eat something. Angry, move away from others and calm down. Lonely, make contact with others. Tired, ask for help or simply sit down and take a break.
3. Get out and about. We can spend so much time indoors on the day, giving ourselves a break and just connecting with nature will help.
4. Make sure you are looking after yourself first. That means making time for your basic self-care on the day.

Other Ideas That Will Help When You Are With Family

1. Use deflection. People will love to talk about their favourite topics, get them started and you’ll deflect them from whatever it was they were interfering with. Or ask them to help you e.g. set the table, help with the children, make a part of the meal, prep vegetables, etc. Have a list of ideas to go before people arrive, you know your family and you know how to deflect them best. Simply be prepared.
2. If you are hosting prep everything you can in advance. Eliminates all the rushing around and you spending all the time in the kitchen while others enjoy the day.
3. If you are offered help, take it! Don’t feel guilty about asking people to bring over different parts of the menu if you are hosting. For instance one person could bring the starter, another vegetables, another dessert or wine.
4. Remember you can say no to hosting everyone, you could visit another relative’s home instead and bring something for the meal yourself.
5. Don’t drink too much it only adds fuel to the fire.
6. Don’t take the bait, I know it’s hard, but if you stop dancing with the other guy he has no partner to dance with. Simply get up and leave them talking to themselves.
7. Try to enjoy yourself, focus on the children, join in with their games, and avoid the family members who set you off. Remember its only 1 day! But remember you also have a choice not to spend any time with anyone you don’t have to.

Remember What Is Really Important To You.

One of the top killers of holiday enjoyment is becoming so wrapped up in planning the best holiday experience that you lose the ability to experience the good moments that happen in the present. While you worry about whether everyone is happy with the meal, if anyone is fighting, or if the kids are eating too much sugar, you miss the powerful, gratifying moments that make the holidays magical. When you stop trying to make your holiday fit an ideal, you open up space to savour the holiday as it is.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.