Permissive parenting style tends to be a very loving one. But it is characterized by the parent setting few rules or guidelines for their child. The parent can seem more like the child’s friend than a parent. This can have consequences not just for the child’s behaviour but also their mental health.

With so few rules or expectations the child does struggle with self-regulation and self-control. The attitude that “kids will be kids” doesn’t give the child enough structure and may not be facing up to the consequences of their actions. This doesn’t bode well for the future.

Characteristics Of Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents mostly let their children do what they want with limited guidance or direction. There seems to be limited or no rules with the child having to figure things out for themselves. Although communication is open between the child and parent the child is allowed to decide for themselves.

So what you might see in this style will include things like:

1. Few rules which may be inconsistent. They can be unable to say no to the child because they don’t want to upset the child.
2. Emphasize is placed on the child’s freedom rather than responsibility. They might use phrases such as “It’s up to her what she wants to do”
3. They can have low expectations for their child. Provide little structure or scheduling for the child. So not setting sleep, study or play times. Allowing the child to not do their homework. Or stay up late to watch TV or play computer games if they want to. The child will usually not do well in school as a result.
4. Set low standards of behaviour. Can use bribery to get the child to behave or rarely enforce consequences. You might hear them saying “I can’t make them do what they don’t want to do.” Or “Kids will be kids” Or “Boys will be boys” etc. The child may end up having problems with anti-social behaviour.
5. They are usually nurturing and loving parents. But may try to come across as the child’s “friend” rather than their parent. So they may ask the child to do a chore at home but only if the child feels like doing the chore.
6. Will ask the child’s opinions on major decisions. They can also go so far as putting the wants of the child ahead of their own. So the child monopolizes what happens inside the home.
7. The child tends to grow to be impulsive, immature and disobedient.
8. They are overly dependent on the parents.
9. The child will also learn to fail to follow through when faced with difficulties.
10. The parents may be also dealing with their own problems.

The Effects of Permissive Parenting.

Some Pros To This Style Of Parenting.

Yes there are some pros to this style of parenting. Permissive parents are highly accepting of their child and are very affectionate. They encourage the child to give their viewpoint. Adults raised in this way often find they had a loving, close and nurturing relationship with their parents.

The adult can have developed very good interpersonal communication skills. They give credit to their parents for their independent, decision-making skills. As adults they can be very creative people as they were allowed to explore everything unhindered.

Some Cons To This Style Of Parenting.

But unfortunately most children raised in this environment go on to develop serious effects. Some of these include higher stress levels and mental health issues. They may also be more open to bullying as children and have poor social skills.

Having issues with self-discipline can lead to problems in school, college and later in employment. They can have issues with low achievement as there is no guidance on study and homework. They are at higher risk of developing teenage drinking and substance abuse issues.

Other issues may include exhibiting anti-social behaviour. They have skewed boundaries which can lead to insecurity. As children and later as adults they may fail to take responsibility for their actions and can make poor decisions.

They also don’t like sharing and are often selfish. Plus they don’t like to be challenged, have poor emotional self-regulation so may be prone to aggression. They may have grown up feeling entitled.

Self-Help For Adults Raised In A Permissive Parenting Style Home.

You will need the support of a trained therapist. Any issues you may have will need specialist tailored support. These can include counseling for boundaries issues. Plus help dealing with any stress, anger and anxiety issues. Treatment programs, and/or group support, for any substance abuse issues.

There is a lot of good that came from your childhood but you still need support. It isn’t until a crisis happens that we realize something is wrong. Or that we have a mental health or substance abuse issue that we reach out for support with.

Please don’t wait that long, reach out for help as soon as possible. Reaching out is the first step in taking responsibility for ourselves in a healthy manner.

You can do some things to help yourself. But it should be done in conjunction with therapy also.

1. See your GP or main doctor for help. They can be an important first port of call and support in changing your life around.
2. Make sure you are setting boundaries with yourself as much as with others. You will have to face conflict and deal with negative people and thinking You can do this with support. If you click on the links highlighted they will get you started with some of these issues.
3. Have some compassion for yourself you are doing the best you can with the tools you were given. You are capable of making those changes and learning new ways of coping. Start to build your self-confidence and trust in yourself. Again if you click on the links they will provide you with specific steps you can take here.
4. Make sure you are looking after yourself in a healthy manner. That means you need to take responsibility for your own basic self-care, time-management and follow through on commitments.

Reach Out For Support.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist. Please reach out to a local therapist if you need to.

My Workbooks

I offer a variety of tips and discuss a range of topics in my workbooks The Building Blocks Of Self-Care, Moving Towards Self-forgiveness, The Little Book Of Reflection And Gratitude and Building Acceptance Into Your Life. You can purchase them on Amazon or here