In this blog series I’ll outline some steps you can do to start feeling more in control over your stress again. This blog series is really a small course you can try at home. But as always please reach out for help if you need it. If you have any medical issues then please seek professional advice.

Once stress gets a grip our self-confidence drops and we can doubt our ability to cope. We can’t stop our mind racing and we can start to avoid people, places or things that use to bring us pleasure. We need a plan of action to get back on track.

This blog series is based on a plan using three A’s:  Awareness, Acceptance and Action. If we skip the middle A, acceptance, then we tend to be reactive when it comes to action. That isn’t always in our best interest. It is far better if we can stop for a second and embrace acceptance. That way we are more pro-active when it comes to taking action to change our life.

Step 1Get To Know Your Stress.

In order to change something you have to understand it.  We have to grow our first A, Awareness, of it. So in these first two steps let’s get to know, and learn, about your stress and how it affects you.

What Is Stress?

Stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. It’s the body’s defense mechanism kicking in – the freeze, fight, and flight response. When it works properly it can help us stay focused, alert and energetic and cope with emergencies. But when it becomes too much it can have an adverse impact on our physical and mental health.

Our stress can come from external and internal stressors. External stressors can include:

1. Death of family or friends. Or other forms of grief.
2. Relationship problems with your partner, child, family or friends.
3. Work related problems.
4. Getting the life/work balance right.
5. Financial problems.
6. Natural life adjustments such as a child leaving home for the first time or retirement.

Internal ones can include our own internal thoughts, perceptions and emotions. Excessive worry, pessimism or negative irrational fears will also give rise to an increase in stress levels. Our own perception of events may, in fact, contribute to our increased stress levels.

Remember stress isn’t the same for everyone. For one person the same event may not even faze them but for another person it may become intolerable. Even that morning commute to work may leave you feeling hassled, uneasy, anxious and tense. But for others that same commute can be seen as an opportunity to relax, enjoy some music or read a book if not driving.

How Stress Affects Your Mind And Body?

There are multiply symptoms to be aware of and how they affect our physical and mental health. Symptoms to be aware of:

1. Impatience, carelessness, hyperactivity, increased irritability, aggression or angry
2. Poor productivity, increased absenteeism.
3. Low energy and tiredness.
4. Avoidance, places, situations or people, you would normally enjoy.
5. Change in sleep
6. Increase in alcohol consumption or drug misuse including prescription drugs.
7. Changes in weight.
8. Sudden crying for what you feel is over nothing.
9. Withdrawal, feeling isolated.
10. Feeling guilty and shame.
11. Low self-esteem.
12. Inability to make decisions or rushed decision-making.
13. Muddled thinking, forgetful.
14. Reduced coordination.
15. Blackouts
16. Headaches and migraines.
17. Menstrual cycle problems and decreased sex drive.
18. Reduced creativity.
19. Negative thinking
20. Fear of rejection and failure.
21. Defensive and over sensitive to what we hear.
22. Inability to switch off.

There is also an increased risk of depression and anxiety. This is almost twice as likely to happen in women. With an increased likelihood of them suffering more anxiety disorders, including post-traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

Sometimes we think these symptoms can be put down to normal changes especially if they creep up over time. When in fact we are failing to recognize we are stressed. Stress can creep up on us as we try to balance our life thus making it easier to miss.

Step 2 Now It’s Over To You.

In order to change something in our lives we need to become more aware of it. So it’s time to describe your stress. Get out your journal. Or create an online document. Use your journal to start answering the following questions.

As I said if you want to change something then you have to raise your own awareness. In this case it will be how stress affects your life and the different areas of it. Remember it’s not about perfection here. But taking a snap shot in time. What we want to achieve here is to work out your stress patterns as best you can.

Answer the questions as best you can.

1. How long has stress been a problem for you?
2. Has the stress stayed the same? Or has it come and gone over time?
3. Why is this? Did it get worse each time it came back?
4. Do you know what caused the stress initially? In other words: What external and/or internal factors are contributing to your stress right now?
5. Does stress or excessive worry run in the family? If ‘yes’, why do you think this is?
6. What stress symptoms have you noticed? See the list above but also add your own as needed.
7. What have you tried in the past to help? Did it help?
8. Would it help now?
9. If it helped in the pasted why did you stop using it?
10. What made you want to tackle your stress now? This is your why and that is vital to know. I’ve outlined before how knowing our why can get us motivated and keep us motivated.
11. If necessary will you be able to make changes in your life that will help your future?
12. What might get in the way of you making those changes?
13. How would your life be improved if you had better control of your stress?
14. Look for patterns: What do the questions tell you?
15. Are there any pattern to your stress?
16. Does it get worse at certain times of the month, week, when you are alone or with someone?
17. Is it solely related to one situation such as your job or a particular relationship?
18. Is it related to one particular area of your life such as finances or health?
19. Do you feel you have enough support in your life?

Take Your Time And Be Honest With Yourself.

Think about these questions and write down your answers. If you answer only a few of them I’d advise you answer questions 4, 6 and 10. You need to know what is causing your current stress, what symptoms you have and you why you want to change (question 10) at the very least.

Take Some Time For Acceptance Right Now.

Remember your middle A right now – acceptance. No matter what you found when answered the questions above remember that it’s okay. Accepting where we are right now leads to better choices for us in the near future. We don’t want to jump into reacting.

Take the time now to be compassionate with ourselves, just as we would a friend. This gives us a breathing space between awareness and action. In that way when we do act it is more likely to be proactive and in our best interests going forward.

Next week I’ll cover the next step to help you take back control over your life and your stress levels.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.