So we have gotten beyond quitters day the day most people quit their new year’s resolutions. You have survived till the end of January and maybe, just maybe, you haven’t quit. Well done, you’re in a small minority.

Maybe you have implemented the tips I suggested at the beginning of the month and you’re still going strong. This is a great achievement and requires a reward. Make sure you give yourself one this week. 

But what if you did quit you new healthier habits?

What if you said “I’m not bothered to make any New Year’s resolutions at all as I always quit”? Well maybe there is another way to effect changes in your life and it doesn’t have to be all about New Year’s resolutions. Or any new healthier habits or lifestyle changes either. It could just be all about you instead. Making a small change, at anytime in your life, right now or sometime in the future.

Making any change in our life is scary, I do get that. But although it is terrifying at times it is also empowering. It is empowering because you have accepted the fact that you are the one in charge of your life. You must acknowledge this. When you do, everything starts to change for us. Because we are now saying “I’m ready to show up fully for my life”.

But first let’s look at what happens when we do decide to make any kind of change in our life.

Understanding The Stages Of Change.

If you want to change successfully you have to understand what change means. Firstly change means to “make or become different”. Secondly and most importantly is the fact that you can not change anyone but yourself. Trying to change another person only gives away your personal power. That power, time and energy, could be use to make the life you want instead, not the life they don’t want!

Most people when they think of change have a fear based reaction. They fear moving out of their comfort zone. Losing a job or some work, a home, a partner, friends or family. We fail to remember that by our very nature we have been changing all our lives from being a baby in to becoming an adult. Some very big changes happened in our lives along the way. But we sometimes get stuck on the smaller ones as adults. In order to help us overcome our fear of change it helps to understand the stages we go through during the change process.

Stage 1 Status Quo

No, not the band, for those who are old enough or willing to admit they know who I’m talking about. But the time before any change happens. It’s a time when we feel something needs to change. But the familiar and the fear of the unfamiliar keeps us from changing.

Not everyone will support you either. Nor will these people like you changing as they will feel threatened or challenged by the new changes. Some of these very people you will lose because they have been sucking the life out of you. That’s okay, delete those negative people from your life.

Stage 2 Foreign Element

This is when some first steps of change occur. Brought on by someone or something, an idea or experience. It creates awareness within us that something needs to change and we take those first steps towards it. Awareness is a huge step here and it moves us a bit beyond the fear factor that held us back.

Stage 3 Chaos

We get lost or hit a wall at this stage. You might feel confused, distressed, out of control, fearful again, impatient for the change to happen (change does take time) or hopeless. It’s so important to remember in this stage your why. Why you began this process and why you want this change to occur. Most people will go looking for articles, blogs or help at this stage, if they have a strong why. But they know they need to keep going.

Stage 4 New Options

 So now you have gotten help or found your way again. You picked yourself up from the slip, relapse and continued. You have realised what went wrong. Understand more fully what has been happening and your why for changing. You develop new ways of coping. You can recognise that we all have slips it’s not the end of the world and you have a plan of action to help you get back on track.

Stage 5 Practice

This is a crucial part of change. You need time, patience with yourself, plus you need to practice, practice, practice. You have to keep going with your new coping methods so they are reinforced into your life. Just know that at this stage you are nearly there. So don’t give up.

Stage 6 Integration

This is the final stage where your new way of life is now familiar and comfortable. You believe that the change has happened for the better and for you, no one else. This is the new status quo. You took responsibility and made the changes needed, well done. 

Practical Steps You Can Take To Change.

Step 1 Develop an awareness of the change needed.

You will need to be completely honest with yourself here if it’s going to work. Developing self-awareness is one superpower we should all develop. It allows us to reflect and take action as we go through life. So answer the following questions before you move on to the next step. They should give you your why and a basic understanding of what needs to change.  

1. Where in your life do you want to make a change?
2. Why do you want to make this change?
3. What is going to shift in your life if you make this change?
4. What are the excuses that are getting in the way of you making this change?
5. What is your willingness to release these excuses and take action to make this change?

Note: If you don’t know exactly what you want to change, begin by writing out a vision of your life if nothing or no one stood in your way and money wasn’t a problem. Then go back and answer the above questions. It’s okay to dream big here. You can refine your ideas as you go forward so don’t hold back even if it feels silly. 

Step 2 Review what you are already doing in your life to support change.

You have a basic self-care plan, reviewed your priorities (to do list) done? If not do these first. By reviewing your priorites you’ll probably get some immediate steps to make in order to change your life. I have a free course in my group over on FaceBook.

If you don’t have a basic self-care plan in place getting one is a good place to start if you want change in your life. Plus it helps you to re-establish some healthy boundaries.

Then answer the following questions: 

1. What are you already doing in your life to support the change you want to make?
2. What do you need to release in order to support these changes in your life?

Step 3 Take action! It’s time to make a plan! You’ll need a diary and journal, if you’re not already using one.

With your why in mind, make a list of five things that you can do right now to take action towards creating change in your life. You can start with the first two small actionable steps and move on from there once they are completed.
Now reflect on this: 

1. How does it feel to know that you hold the power to make this change?
2. When we realized this did anything shift for you?

Even just writing out what small action steps you’ll take can be fearful. But you know this needs to happen and you know your why, so lets keep going.

Step 4 Pick one of your five and break it down into very small action steps.

Schedule these smaller steps into your dairy so you can begin to take action. Try to keep your action steps to below 20 minutes. Even something that you do for 3 minutes can make an impact on your life if you do it consistently. Make sure to write them into your planner at a specific time and date each week.

Write out you why and place it somewhere you can see it everyday. You’ll also need to build in treats and rewards (see step 8)

Step 5 Review your smaller steps.

Reviewing what we are doing helps keep us on track, make tweaks as needed to our plan, prevents relapses and allows us to see how much progress we are making. See if there is anyway you can prevent a relapse by putting together an action plan to help prevent a slip.

Slips happen and that’s okay. But people that succeed don’t allow slips to stop them. They learn, review what has happened and then continue on. So having an action plan in place will get you back on track quickly. For more information on why we need small steps to help us succeed you can check out my book The Building Blocks of Self-Care.

Step 6 Look for a support team.

Your support team should always include those who want your best. It can very small and only involve one other person. Make sure you keep in regular contact with this person, on a daily basis if possible. Just a quick text to check in will do. Then perhaps a longer catch up at the end of each week. 

Step 7 Practice, practice, practice time.

Keep going! You can really do this and always remember to read you why every morning. Journal about your journey and find gratitude for your life and yourself at the end of the day. It all helps to keep you motivated. 

Steps 8 Build in rewards and treats for each small step taken.

Treats are free or very low costing and should be given freely. Rewards cost more and you may want to hold them until an agreed time period or when you achieved your goal. Never withhold a treat or reward even if you slip. Schedule these in to your diary alongside each small step now. 

Step 9 Remember any change will take time and a lot of patience. 

Please accept you are doing a great job along the way. Part of any change process should include accepting yourself fully for who you are right now. So give yourself some patience and kindness. How would you treat a friend or family member if this was them? Now do the same for yourself!

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.