What Is Self-Compassion?

What does being self-compassion mean? It has been defined as being more understanding and kind towards our self. So instead of ignoring our own pain and beating ourselves up with self-criticism we can instead show kindness and understanding towards our perceived failures, suffering and feelings of inadequacies.

How Self-Compassion Helps Us.

Having self-compassion allows us to handle difficulties easier. It also allows us to enjoy and celebrate our success more fully and learn from our mistakes without beating ourselves up. In other words having self-compassion allows us to be more open-minded and tolerant of ourselves.

Building up the skill of self-compassion has been shown to rewire our brains. This rewiring occurred in a number of regions in the brain including in the region that involves empathy, understanding, emotional regulation and helps increase positive emotions. This is a good thing when we need to change or learn new habits also.

If you think it isn’t a skill you have then all is not lost. Research has shown that we can learn to become more compassionate with some daily practice. This type of training includes daily meditation, working on deleting negative thinking, setting healthy boundaries with ourselves and others, and being more forgiving with ourselves.

Benefits Of Having More Self-Compassion.

There are a number of benefits of compassion. These include helping the mind to quieten so those inner critics are not as much of a problem and deepening our understanding of our self.

We learn to be more resilient, open-minded, and empathic. Self-compassion will mean we are less likely to use procrastination, catastrophising, etc., as our fear of failure lessens and we are more open to see failure as opportunities to learn. Our stress and anxiety also lessen and we tend to use good self-care practices thereby helping our your mental and physical health.

But what has all this got to do with getting more done? It all comes down to those healthy boundaries I mentioned.

Build Healthy Boundaries With Your Self Is One Way We Cultivate Self-Compassion.

When we lack self-compassion we often have skewed personal and relationship boundaries.  These personal boundaries are set based on your values and morals. It involves you deciding what you participating in and who with. Learning to say no is key here, whether to yourself or others.

As you set these boundaries it will empower you in all aspects of your life. You will become more focused on what is important to you. Therefore you will be more focused in what you do every day and why you are doing it.

The Key Is To Make Sure You Are Focused On The Right Thing.

Make sure you are focused on what needs to be done one task at a time. This requires you becoming more aware of what are the right tasks for you. Awareness is the first step as always to change and helps us to get clarity around what we need to focus our attention and time on.

Asking yourself some questions will help raise your awareness and get you back on track.

1. Does this task serve me, my life, my work, or not?
2. Is it my task to complete in the first place?
3. Can I delete it or delegate it so I can make better use of my time?
4. Am I focused on the solution right now rather than just the problem at hand?
5. Am I allowing myself to get distracted by mindless activities instead of focusing on the task? For example social media, TV, gaming, checking emails, answering messages, thinking about tasks unrelated to the task, etc. Remember procrastination, catastrophising, and other cognitive distortions are also forms of distraction. All impact on our ability to focus on one task at a time so examine which ones are getting in your way or which ones you are using as a form of distraction.

Watch The Worry Train

All too often when we get stressed, anxious, tired, etc., we can get caught up in worry about the future, the past, and any possible outcomes in a negative way. This in turn can lead us down the distraction route. We know we shouldn’t do it anyway, slipping into those old habits rather than focusing on what needs to be done or on finding the right solution to the situation or task on hand.

Instead when you find yourself being critical or getting caught up in negative thinking try to bring your focus back on doing only one thing at a time instead. It doesn’t matter how small the task is, keep it small and simple, and then just do it.

Easier Said Than Done, Right!

Yes I can hear you saying it’s easier said than done and it is especially at the start. We have let those distractions become habits. These distractions cost us so much more than our time too. Did you know that when we become distracted it can take us 23% more time to get back on track with our task?

But distractions can also lead to that negative cycle that keeps us TRAPped. We become Triggered, we then Respond (more emotions, thoughts, etc., kick in) plus our Avoidance Patterns then occurs. We have now gone from one thing distracting us to perhaps a full blown avoidance pattern and negative cycle that takes up even more of our attention and time to resolve.

When we are aware we can change things and accept that we will not focus completely on the task at hand all the time. Self-compassion helps with acceptance of this fact. Being aware of our triggers and being compassionate towards ourselves while we are being triggered, or even in hindsight, can help us change and become more focused. The more we can raise our awareness, the more we see our triggers. Raise your awareness with the questions above and get to know your triggers.

Other Tips To Consider That Help With Building Focus.

Use the top 3 priorities rule.

Only set 3 top priorities a day and make sure that you can actually accomplish them in one day. If they are unrealistically big you’ll only procrastinate and set yourself up for failure. Think small manageable priorities that work towards your goal. Using this rule teaches us that we cannot take on too much at once either. It helps us set realistic tasks in a more self-compassionate manner as we begin to recognise taking on too much is self-destructive and not productive.

Eliminate Distractions.

Do yourself the favour of eliminating as many distractions as you can and set your environment up for success also. So that might mean allocating time to check emails during the day, turning off notifications, etc. Make sure the space you are working in is clear of unnecessary clutter and you have everything you need to complete the task before you begin. Create that focus zone and get the task done!

Time block

Time block in one task or a small number of similar tasks to be completed together. Decide on the length of time you need to get the task done. Usually we are better off working in time blocks of 25 minutes, then taking a 5 minute break and doing this for two hours before taking a longer break. Remember the main point here is to focus on only one task at a time!

Watch for any of those time gaps.

You know the ones where you can get lost surfing the net or on social media. Instead have a list of quick 5 to 15 minute tasks you can fill your time with instead. You’ll feel more productive and get something purposeful completed as well.

Never be afraid to delegate.

Whether this is at home or work. Is there one thing on the list you could ask someone else to do right now? Now ask them and let it go, that will be the hardest part for you.

Try to keep a distraction log.

Remember if we are not aware we cannot change something. So use a notebook, your journal or daily planner, online notes, etc., to jot down any distractions as you become aware of them. Then use this in your review process (see below).

Don’t Forget To Review Your Day And Add In Rewards.

In order to change a habit we need to review how we are progressing. A small daily review and reward session will help with this. Questions how things went – what went well and what didn’t? Check your distraction log – was there one thing that is distraction you the most? What could you do that would help next time?

Now reward yourself. Perhaps this is the time you surf the net, watch your favourite TV show, or just doing something relaxing for yourself. I talk more about treats and rewards here. Remember this is a habit and like all new habits it does take time to put in place. Reviews and practice help to cement the habit into place for us much more quickly.

When we keep our focus on the right things we can get so much more done. Not just in work but also at home. We find we have more time for self-care, family, friends and the things that really matter to us. This gives us a better life-working balance in the process which helps our self-compassion and focus even more.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.