What Is All Or Nothing Thinking?

When we think with an all or nothing mindset we tend to see things in extremes. All or nothing thinking, or black and white thinking, is a form of cognitive distortion. When in this mindset we tend to think in either or terms e.g. “It is perfect”, or “No this is a complete failure”, “My friend likes being with me” or “My friend can’t stand being with me”. Perfectionists can use this kind of thinking a lot. But that isn’t to say a people pleaser, codependent, etc., won’t use it either.

This type of mindset sees the person ruling out all other possibilities as it has become an only two possibilities sided world. As a result this kind of mindset can stop us from moving forward as it can keep us stuck in place when either option is unpalatable to us.

A case could be made that all or nothing thinking stops us procrastinating about our decisions. We think we have only two options so we may be clearer about what needs to be done. In saying that, we are also ruling out plenty of other options that could be available to us. These options, and/or subtle nuisances, that might become more apparent if we stopped using this particular cognitive distortion.

But what is a cognitive distortion in the first place?

What Is Cognitive Distortion?

Cognitive distortions are biased perspectives, irrational thoughts and beliefs, which we may not know we are reinforcing about ourselves and others. They can be very subtle, so we may at first not even notice how these thoughts control out day to day life. They can be very damaging if left unchecked.

In fact if we are depressed, stressed, anxious, fearful, worried, etc., it has been shown that a lot of these distortions love hanging around in our brain. But once we recognize them we can change them!

All Types Of Cognitive Distortions Have A Few Things In Common.

They are tendencies or patterns of thinking or believing that give us a false or inaccurate picture of life. Plus they have the potential to cause us psychological damage.

It is scary to think that we have fallen prey to this type of thinking, that our brain, which we trust, can fool us like this. That these though patterns create a negative bias, or perspective, of our world.

If you think this is you, remember you’re not alone. It is quite common to fall victim to this all or nothing distortion at one time or another. All is not lost we can begin to recognize them, modify and change these faulty perspectives.

How Does All Or Nothing Thinking Affect Our Minds And Bodies?

There are a number of ways our negative thinking affects our minds and bodies. Some of these include:

1. This kind of thinking saps our sense of control over our lives.
2. All or nothing thinking robs us of active participation in our day to day life.
3. It increases our chances of getting coronary problems and suppresses our immune system.
4. We become less productive at home and at work as we are unable to complete the tasks we need to do.
5. Negative thinking leaves us feeling miserable, setting up a despondent mood and possible downward spiral into mental health conditions.
6. Cognitive distortion keeps the mind trapped to such an extent that we feel what we are thinking is as natural as breathing. It has become a destructive habit.
7. Our ability to think clearly and make good decisions for ourselves is diminished.
8. It disrupts our sleep.
9. Our stress levels go up and so do our chances of developing associated illnesses.
10. Day to day life starts to feel too much.
11. Set ourselves up for stress, anxiety, depression, etc.

How Can We Challenge All Or Nothing Thinking?

If you can build up a daily mindfulness practice (or any meditation) it comes in really handy in challenging any kind of negative thinking. But you don’t need to wait to get started you can begin immediately by using the following steps.

1. Start By Building Your Awareness.

Can you identify when you use all or nothing thinking? Sometimes we don’t use it all the time. Perhaps it’s when you are in work or dealing with one particular person.

So are there particular situations, people or experiences that trigger this type of thinking for you?  Answering this question will really help you to become more aware of what is going on for you.

Awareness building is always the first step towards changing anything in our lives. You can use the next step instead to help you build you awareness.

2. Use Reflection To Help You Name It.

Sometimes you only realize when you look back on an event that you can name it. Your meditation and journal can really help here. Start by using a three minute breather and then journaling out everything you think of to clear the decks. Once that is out of the way you can begin to answer the question from one above.

If you don’t have a meditation practices yet use a journal to keep a track of your mood, thoughts and feelings. A simple brain dump each night can be useful here but only if you read back over these to identify any particular thoughts. Once we recognize the thoughts patterns we have then we can begin to challenge them.

3. What Is The Evidence Against The All Or Nothing Thoughts?

Now is the time to start to analyze your thoughts. Is it true or not? Is it helping me in some way? What is this kind of thinking doing? In other words what is the effect of this kind of thinking?

Negative thinking has unhelpful and helpful effects on us. So is it protecting me in some way? Or does it keep a particular script going that I believe about myself or my life? So is it upsetting me or destructive in some way?

• Upsetting: causes us to feel intense emotions, anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, shame and fear.
• Destruction: causes us to not fulfill our goals and blocks us from being ourselves.

So you need to ask yourself what is this doing to me? Am I being overly negative or pessimistic? Am I adding to my upset? Is it destructive thinking?

4. Replace The Negative Thought With A Positive One To Complete Challenge Process.

Challenging your thinking is only part of the final change process. Even by starting to challenge it after the event you can build up your stamina and reverse the effects in time. The second part of the challenge is to replace it with a true statement or positive thought.

Remember you didn’t come into this world thinking in black and white terms. You picked this habit up from someone in your life. Yes it is a habit and that means you can change it. It’s like an old tape recording in your head, now it can be rewritten with something positive.

So create a new positive thought. Try to find at least one thought that will challenge your negative one e.g. “I will not succeed at this.” could be changed to “I could succeed if I tried”. You need to remember that you have to practice this as it will not change overnight. So practice, patience with yourself and some time will see a big change in your negative thought habits.

Challenge your own thinking and keep challenging it! At first, you may only be able to do this retrospectively and on paper. But in time the more you do this the more likely it is you will catch yourself challenging these thoughts as they occur and dismissing them.

5. Make Sure To Follow Through With An Action Plan.

The final part is to put some new positive actions into place if you need them. These new actions give us new experiences and help reinforce our new way of thinking also.

So using the positive thought as an example “I could succeed if I tried”. You now need to do it and put your actions where your thoughts are. Take 10 minutes to start that project, goal or task you have been procrastinating about or feeling stuck with.

If it’s a big project, goal or task then you need to break it down into very small actionable steps. These have to small enough that you can manage to do them in a short space of time such as 10 to 20 minutes. Kind of like the old saying about eating the elephant, we can only do it one bite at a time if we are to succeed.

The final step is to put those action steps into your planner. Schedule them out, for if you fail to plan you are really planning to fail. Don’t do that to yourself, you have completed all this hard work, now complete the follow through and make the changes you want in life.

By practicing the above steps you give yourself a chance at tackling your all or nothing negative thinking. You owe it to yourself to do this! I know it takes time but each day will be a little further along the path to success.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.