There is no doubt it has been a stressful time for everyone. Stress can have such a negative impact on our lives, mentally and physically our health suffers. Our thinking and ability to make positive changes can be hampered by it.

Our thinking becomes more negative and our ability to focus properly is badly affected. We tend to avoid people and situations that are stressful to us. But we may also end up avoiding positive things and people also. We can become fearful to step outside our comfort zone.

Setting New Year’s Resolutions And Stress.

It’s coming up to that time of year when we make New Year’s resolutions. Everyone tries them but most unfortunately fail. We may feel like not bothering this year as we are already hampered by our stress. But that would be a bad idea.

By taking some time to reflect first you will then be better able to find out what goals will help you and where you want to focus your time and energy more productively. Then you can set new goals and habits that will help you take back control over your life again.

When we are stressed we do tend to focus and get caught up too much on the wrong things. It is vital that you make sure you are focusing on what’s really important to you. Otherwise we tend to sabotage ourselves very quickly. It really is about asking your self the question: Am I focusing on the right things for me?

It’s important to understand why people fail at goal setting. When we understand this we can use that information to give us a better chance at success. Let’s look at why people fail at setting goals each year.

So Why Do People Fail With New Year’s Goals?

1. The goal or resolution is set too high, too big or too much.

People fail to realize the enormity of the goal they have set and thus subconsciously set themselves up for failure.

2. Going it alone.

People don’t see the need to ask for the correct help or support needed to help them achieve their goal.

3. A bad day equals complete failure.

One slip and they quit. They feel they are a complete failure who will never succeed. So why bother trying? So they stop all together.

4. Time management.

The goal or resolution is too time consuming. So they don’t have enough time to actually complete the daily tasks. It doesn’t fit into their current lifestyle.

5. It’s a large financial burden.

The resolution can create an unrealistic financial burden on you. So it fails as you can’ t meet the financial requirements needed to complete the goal.

6. No planning.

When you fail to plan, as they say, you plan to fail. Again we are setting ourselves up to fail. This can also be tied into a lack or misunderstanding of time management.

7. Lack of honesty with ourselves.

We set goals that are based upon others expectations. But in reality they are not for you. You don’t have a why and when you falter you need that why to keep you going.

8. It doesn’t fall in line with our beliefs and values.

Our beliefs and perspectives on life will sabotage us every time if the resolution doesn’t fit in line with them.

Part of our success at any goal or habit is about planning and honesty with ourselves. To help with that we must reflect on the different areas of our life and how they have affected us recently.

What Areas Of My Life And Questions Can I Ask Before Setting New Goals.

Let’s begin with a review of the last twelve months. I know given the year we’ve had it might be difficult. But our lives go on and we need to reflect on what has happened to us. Especially if we are to figure out what we want or don’t want in our lives going forward. The and only then can we have a chance at succeeding with our new goals.

Setting new any goal is a symbol of hope we have for the future. Stress like anything that affects our mental health doesn’t want you to have hope. Please don’t allow it to do that. So take some time to reflect and then focus on what is important to you going forward. It’s time to take back control over your life and not allow stress to win.

How Has The Last Twelve Months Been?

Write everything you can think of down. It can be helpful to divide it up into the following categories starting from the inside of your circle of trust.

Areas Of Your Life You Can Use.

1. Relationship with yourself including your health, self-care, spirituality (if applicable) what you do for fun, hobbies and interests.
2. Relationships with your other half and children if you have them.
3. Relationships with close family and friends;.
4. Work including your relationships with your colleagues and/or employer/manager.
5. Other things related to your home and physical environment.
6. Your finances.
7. Personal development including training, courses and reading for work and personal life.
8. Other relationships with family, friends, colleagues, etc., you are not close to but interact with.

Questions You Can Ask About Each Area.

1. What are your relationships like, all of them? You can list each person and write out how they treat you and how you treat them underneath?
2. What successes did you have this year?
3. What goals did you reach? If you didn’t reach those goals: What stood in your way of success? No matter how small make a note of them. This is important in terms of boosting your self-confidence and building motivation.
4. Are there things and people you grateful for this year?
5. What are you most proud of this year?
6. What challenges did you face?
7. Where there lessons you learnt this year?
8. Are there people and things you want more of in your life?
9. What do you want less of or want to delete from your life?
10. What is no longer serving you?
11. Are there supports, people or things, you added in to your life?
12. What did you rearrange this year?
13. Did you take time off just for you this year?
14. Do you see any negative patterns or people in your life?
15. Have you take the time to review your priorities and self-care routines in the last three months? How are they going?

Going Forward And Your Prioritized Goals.

It is better if we pick three priority goals each year. These goals will usual have knock on affects on to other areas of our lives. They should provide you with a means to support your basic self-care and important relationships first and foremost.

To decide which areas in the future you should prioritize then I would suggest you ask yourself: If I don’t prioritize this area of my life will it have a knock on affect onto other areas of my life? For example if you don’t make your health a priority goal then you may become ill. This will have a knock on affect onto your relationships, work, home life, etc. So having a goal around your health would be a priority for you.

From these priority goals we can create new habits and routines for the year. It isn’t that you won’t set goals for other areas of your life, you will. It’s just that if you are stressed it is a better option to set priority goals that focus on reducing your stress. Ones that help you take control over your life again.

So think about goals that prioritize you instead of others first. If we don’t do that it does tend to have a knock on affect into other areas of our lives and interactions anyway. Keep these goals simple. There is no need to go overboard or make things too complicated.

Examples might include:

1. Your health: Include things to support your basic self-care. E.g. taking your lunch each day you are in work. So if you work Monday to Friday that would mean you are committing to having lunch 5 days per week. Or if you want to get fit you could go for a 15 minute walk every evening.
2. Your relationships: So that includes nurturing your time with your positive support system, partner, children. E.g. Making every second Friday night in the month a date night. So that would be a goal of 26 date nights in 2022. Making every Saturday family game night to build your connection with your children.
3. Your personal development: That might mean you commit to taking a course or reading a book on stress management. It might also look like making a commitment to your self to read 26 books in 2022. These books could help with giving you a better understanding of your mental and physical health, some for work or for pleasure to help you unwind in the evening.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.