Changing anything in our life can be hard. Ask anyone who started New Year’s resolutions this year and have already dropped them. Most of us would love that quick fix once we become aware that something needs to be changed in our lives. Unfortunately change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, acceptance, patience and a proactive action plan. But even when we have those we may still fail. So what is keeping us from making those positive changes in our life?

Why We Fail To Make Positive Changes.

I’ve discussed a number of reasons why people fail at setting goals before. One reason in particular is the lack of honesty with ourselves. No matter how many of the other reasons you counteract. This one I feel is the most important one to get right.

We try to make changes that are based upon other’s expectations. But in reality those expectations are not for you. They don’t fit in line with your personal beliefs and values. So you end up not having an honest ‘why’ you want to succeed at making this change. Then you end up faltering and self-sabotaging yourself.

Some Common Beliefs That Might Get In Your Way.

If we want change to last we need to line up the changes with our beliefs. One of those beliefs we should examine is that we truly belief that now is the right time for us to make whatever change is needed happen. If we don’t believe that making this change right now is the right thing to do then it simply won’t happen. We will self-sabotage it.

For example: So if your New Year’s resolution was to get fit, a common one for this time of year. If you think it would be ‘nice’ to get healthier and take more exercise. Or perhaps getting in shape ‘might be’ great for the summer. It doesn’t matter how you phrase it, all the ‘nice’, ‘might be’s’ in the world won’t cut it. You really need to belief that the current state of your fitness is unbearable for you to continue with. You strongly believe something ‘must’ change and that is your fitness level.

Another belief that can sabotage us is our own thinking about responsibility. This could be around it being someone else’s responsibility to make some type of change first. Or perhaps we can’t change something until someone else does something. Either of these will sabotage us.

We have to belief that change is in our hands and our hands alone. Yes we can ask for assistance. But we need to take change and realize that change is our responsibility. Our lives are our responsibility and no one else can change us but us. So we have to take ownership of the problem and put an ‘I’ in that change statement.

Going back to our previous example of getting fitter, our belief has to be: “I must change my own fitness level”. Notice the ‘I’ and ‘must’ in that sentence. You are now taking ownership of the problem and empowering yourself along the way. Yes you can ask for help but no one can make the changes you need to make except you. By making such a positive statement you are recognizing this and empowering yourself also.

Please note that if you are waiting on someone else to change their behaviour before you make your change then stop. It will do you no good to wait on someone else. That person isn’t halting their lives while you wait for that apology or whatever change you need. If you feel stuck then it is far better to speak to a therapist instead and stop placing your life on hold for them.

One other belief that can get in our way is the thought that we can’t change. Previous failure can have us tied up in knots with this belief. But past mistake don’t equal we are not capable of change.

I bet if you examine all the past mistakes you will see that you learnt something from them. In fact when we stop and think about it logically we come to realize we are very much capable of changing.  We need to adopt a new positive mantra of ‘I can change’. In that way we stop sabotaging ourselves and can make those changes we want to make.

Tip: Try Digging Out Your Sabotaging Belief.

Understand what your core belief is about a particular change or serious of changes may help you find what is undermining you.  Put those thoughts and the belief behind them on trail.

We can do this by working out what the ‘for and against’ the thought and belief. How is this thinking helping and hindering you? Are you making this change for someone else? Perhaps this is something you have failed at before and you are afraid you will fail again? Really challenge the thoughts and the belief. Then switch them around to help your make those positive changes happen. I’ve talked about challenging negative self-talk before in this blog and video.

Making the necessary changes to your thinking really will help you succeed at making positive changes in your life. Remember change doesn’t happen overnight. Have a strategy in place to help you overcome your obstacles. I’ve listed some ideas in my blog and video here.

Work With Me.

If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.