Why We Might End Up With An “I Don’t Know” Answer.

Often when we are faced with an “I don’t know” we can be unwilling to acknowledge the answer. Sometimes we are avoiding the answer as fear gets in the way. We could fear the consequences if we take action. Or our inner critic gets in the way. We may not want to disappoint someone. The fear you feel could have many reasons, all of them very valid for you.

Acknowledging that we are afraid is the first important step here. Acknowledgement and accepting that we are afraid helps to validate ourselves. When we reach “I don’t know” we are attempting to skip accepting what we know to be true. When we accept what we fear is valid it then allows us to move forward. It allows us to be more open to acknowledging what is behind that “I don’t know”.

We need to acknowledge what we are really feeling and thinking next. As this helps to shift our focus from what we “should” be doing to what we really want and/or need to do. These acknowledgements help to unblock what is keeping us stuck and allows us to move forward instead.

1 Technique To Help Move On From “I Don’t Know” Answers.

For this I suggest you get out your journal and find some quite time for yourself.

1. Now begin by taking a few breaths and relax. Getting caught up in worry and anxiety about your “I don’t know” isn’t productive. Allow yourself to relax for a few minutes. You can use a 3 minute breather if you like. What we are trying to do here is engage the unconscious mind and allow it to create the answer we seek.
2. Next using your journal explore the following questions. Give yourself enough time to respond to each question and try to be as honest with yourself as you can.

• How do you feel when you think about your question and “I don’t know”?
• What is it like for you not to know?
• What emotions are coming up for you?
• What thoughts are coming up with those feelings?
• Do you notice any physical sensations in your body? Tension in your shoulders, gut pain, etc.
• Let’s suppose you did secretly know the answer what might that be?
• Is there any answer that comes to mind?
• If so what would happen if you took this course of action? Remember to include your thoughts, emotions, behaviours in this as well as what you think others might do or say also.
• Would this be a reasonable and realistic action for you to take?
• Are what others might do the reason you are holding back taking this course of action?

What you are doing here, beyond looking for the answer, is to acknowledge what you are avoiding under the “I don’t know”. Please remember that finding your answer still doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Take your time and have patience with yourself. Be kind, compassionate and understanding to yourself also. The answer you are looking for may not be what you were expecting. But if you trust your gut here it is probably the action you need to take that is best for you.

A Couple Of Points Worth Considering.

Remember You Do Have The Courage To Do This.

Things might not have worked out before but you survived and learnt from your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and we realize that life carries on and so can we. We have felt the fear and did it anyway as they say.

It’s important to not just look at your mistakes though. We need to see all we have achieved, no matter how small, and celebrate them too. All too often we only focus on the mistakes and don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we have achieved. We need to raise our self-belief and realize that if we can believe in ourselves a bit more we can face any future and our fears will reduce.

Don’t Try To Change It All At Once. Instead Take Things Nice And Small And Also Slowly. 

When we try and change too much at once, or try to make bigger changes, we run out of steam very quickly. Our mind will then use that sense of failure against us the next time we try. It becomes one of the reasons behind our “I don’t know”.

Learn that it is okay to, and better to, make small changes in one area of our life at a time. Focus on the here and now. Use the motto “one day at a time” to ease your worries as you make progress every day.

Try Using Visualization To See A Positive Outcome For The Future. 

This is a great way to reduce your fear and stress about the future. Imagine a positive outcome for the result you want. Remember this is about experiencing the emotions and feelings of victory even before it happens. It will help your mind get on the right track and seek positive outcomes.

Don’t Forget To Get Help If You Need It.

If you feel your anxiety and fears are getting the better of you, and affecting your day to day life, then ask for help from a therapist. A therapist can help you gain back control of your life. They can give you exercises that will help reduce your fears, anxiety and get to the root cause of the issue.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.