You Don’t Have To Be Positive All The Time.

You don’t have to adopt the mindset that I have to be positive all the time. This can be detrimental to our mental health also. Remember what we consider negative emotions are natural too. These can’t be denied or they will just become trapped in the body.

Operating with a negative mindset is different from denying our negative emotions. A negative mindset will narrow our view of life, focus of things and people. In other words it shuts off our mind to new things, situations and people.

Take the attitude instead to be more open to new things and open-minded about things is better.  Try to see the gift of kindness and everything that each day brings are often gifts we miss as we are so focused on crisis after crisis. 

Try to stop to take a breath and allow our overworked minds to take a break each day. This in turn will cultivate a more positive mindset. How we raise our positivity can take some rewiring and changes to its frequency (see below) but when we do so there are so many benefits.

Heads up this is a very long blog. You might like to read it twice and make notes for yourself of actionable steps to take as you go. Or print it off and refer back to it as you need.

The Benefits of Raising Your Positivity.

When we rewire our brains towards seeing the positive and raise its frequency level the benefits can impact not only our mental health but also our physical health. Yes, your brain operates on a frequency. It’s measured in hertz, think just like a radio station. I talk in more detail about this in my book The Building Blocks Of Self-Care.

So what will it do?

1. Improves our mood by elevating our serotonin and dopamine levels.
2. Reduce your stress levels and improves sleep.
3. Grounds our body and mind.
4. Reduces over thinking.
5. You become more aware of your environment including, exercise, diet, alcohol consumption, music and media you listen and watch.
6. You can forgive yourself and others and move on with your life.
7. Let go of negative people.
8. Cultivating positive feelings like love, compassion and goodwill towards yourself and others.
9. Build better relationships which helps buffer you against depression and anxiety plus other mental and physical health illnesses.
10. Be more creative and productive.
11. Improve cardiac and general physical health including having fewer illnesses.
12. We think more positivity about our futures, including being able to make goals and plans.

Studies are adding to this list all the time so it is not conclusive.

So How Can You Raise Your Positivity?

You don’t have to make huge changes all at once. This would probably not work and would be too big a shock to your system. It’s why diet and exercise programs don’t work. We make too many changes too quickly for these lifestyle changes to take hold.

So anything you do that I list below can be reduced to the smallest steps at first. Then built upon it as you improve your mood. I’ll list a small change beside each.

1 Basic Self-Care

Start with making sure your basic self-care is in order. Each one of the items I’ve list in my blog on basic self-care can be started slowly and built upon to make a complete self-care routine. 

2 Meditation

Yes, I know I’m always harping on about mediation, but it works! You can start by using a 3 minute breather each day (small step) add more minutes as you feel able. You can download one of the many meditation apps to help you in your daily meditation routine. Or follow the links to some free starter meditation podcasts.

It really does need to become a daily routine and part of your basic self-care. Research is showing us that the benefits of meditation on the mind and body are huge. Some of these benefits include:

1. Boosting serotonin
2. Increasing creativity and productivity
3. Reduces cortisol and adrenaline (the stress hormones)
4. Helps you relax and sleep better
5. Reduces over thinking and grounds the body and mind.

3 Journal

 “Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones. Mike Dooley” Every single thought that comes into your head has an impact on you. When you change those thoughts and think positive, happy thoughts, they become things too.

You need to begin to check your thinking. Meditation will allow you to become more aware of your thoughts. Any negative thoughts we have of ourselves is usually someone else’s thoughts about themselves that we have picked up as children. We can change these thoughts using our journal and affirmations.

Begin by writing down how your day went at the end of the day (small step). You can add in thoughts you notice as you go through your day in a journal. Once you have recognised any negative thoughts you can examine them for what they are, who they belong to, etc. Then you can change them by using positive affirmations.

The benefits of this will, of course, raise your mood as you will feel better about yourself, gain confidence and higher self-esteem as a result. Again these are just some of the benefits.

4 Become More Aware Of Your Environment

Become more aware of your environment and how it impacts on your mental, plus physical, health. There are a number of small steps you can take here, just pick one to begin with.

A) Declutter one room in your home. I’d recommend your bedroom first, it’s where you sleep. You can move on to other rooms as your mood improves.

B) Create a positive music list. This is a very simple step to take and will lift your mood every time you feel down. You can create a second one for when you exercise later or one for work if your work allows it.

Remember what you’re hearing impacts your subconscious thoughts and these will become your reality. So listening to lyrics of hate, pain, violence, drama and fear send messages to your subconscious that this is how you want to think and perhaps see in your life.

So if you wanted to attract love, listen to songs about real, passionate, long-lasting love or if you want peace, listen to music about peace and relaxation. You can also see here where listening to a positive podcast could help your thinking also. So you could add them to your list instead of social media and news. (see next point).

C) Stop watching or listening to the daily news and current affairs programs. Stop reading the newspapers and scrolling through social media. These are full of negative events. If it’s important someone will tell you what’s happening.

You can reintroduce news and current events later when you’ve built a good defense against how they impact you. This one might be hard but stop notifications on social media. You can Google how to do this for each one. Social media is so addictive and it’s not very realistic. People feel too much pressure to conform to a particular false image and thus put themselves under unrealistic pressures. So do yourself a favour and reduce or give up social media at least for a time until you can build your own authentic self who can handle this better.

D) The same could be said for TV Shows. Please watch what kind of shows you watch. I know this can be hard as they too become addictive. Remember your mind can’t distinguish between reality and your favourite TV show. That’s why we cry when our favourite character dies, etc.

Many shows on TV are violent that focus on the real world. It’s a constant stream of negativity brought directly to your home and impacting on your subconscious mind. Plus skip past the commercials if you can, they have you thinking you need to buy into a certain lifestyle to fit in. Never a good thing either if you want to build your positive mindset.

E) Join a supportive community (even online). We need four types of positive supports in our daily lives. Emotional, Financial, Practical And Informational. I talk in more detail about these in my blog on building a support system.

F) Read motivating books.

G) Filling your workspace and home with positive sayings or images is also benefical.

5 Sit, Or Get, Outside Every Day.

This is a very small step, and the daylight will impact on your mood and sleep hugely. Ever wonder why opening the curtains on a sunny day has a distinctive way of improving our mood? Well, it may be due to the fact that our brain self-injects itself with serotonin chemicals. Even on a frigid or cool day, sunlight has a noticeable, positive effect on our mindset.

During winter I’d advise getting out at lunch-time as this is when the sun is strongest. The environment can play a big role in triggering or soothing stress levels also. Studies show that people who spend more time outdoors or have access to green plants and windows in their indoor environment, have better moods, expanded thinking, and find more meaning in life than those who stay cooped up inside.

6 Surround Your Self With A Support Team.

This includes family, friends and a partner. 

A) Let go of negative people from your life, even family members have to go. This is not an easy thing to do and I have a free course you can do in my free group. Or at least reduce contact with immediate family if you need to until you can handle their negativity better. This can be a huge step, so start by having a list of excuses ready so you can avoid meeting up with them or don’t answer the phone every time they call. Remember you can’t control anyone but yourself!

B) It may be easier to build up your support team, even if this is only one person at a time. Make sure to meet up with this person at least once a week and make sure you have some fun. Start by identifying the most important connections in your life – a partner, relative, close friend – and nurture those relationships. You can raise your own energy levels by hanging out with people who are positive and are authentic.

Choose to surround yourself with people who are empowering, have the same morals as you, and see and accept you as you truly are. Your friends are a reflection of you, so make sure they are the kind of people you want others to see you as. Warm, trusted relationships are an essential component of emotional wellbeing. Strong social ties can boost confidence and self-esteem, as well as provide a psychological buffer against stress, depression, and anxiety.

C) Add hugs to your self-care which will raise your oxytocin levels, reduce your stress levels and improve your mental health.

7 Practice Forgiveness.

This can be a hard one. But forgiving yourself is one of the most rewarding things you can do to improve your mental and physical health. Forgiving and having compassion for someone who hurt you may be the hardest thing for you to do on this list. But it’s also one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

Remember we are not talking about reconciliation here that is completely different. You are saying to yourself that you are no longer the victim and whoever you need to forgive holds none of your power. Thoughts of revenge will bring you down while thoughts of forgiveness will free your mind for positive thought instead. Just by thinking thoughts of forgiveness about someone in your past without taking any action will raise your positivity levels.

Start by using your journal again. List out who you have to forgive and what they did, make sure to include yourself here. Then pick just one person and write them a letter stating what they did and how this has made you feel. Burn the letter and let them go. Use phrases such as I forgive you as you burn the letter.

You may need to repeat this process a number of times or include them in a list of people you say you forgive each night. Kind of like an affirmation or gratitude list. NB if you were abused or neglected as a child please seek professional support for this step.

8 Practice Gratitude

The reason gratitude journals and thankfulness lists work is because, just like cognitive behavioural training, you can make neuro-pharmacalogical and neurobiological changes with a shift in your focus on gratitude.

Start by recognizing and appreciating the good things and people already in your life. No matter how small, this can have a tremendous impact on your emotional wellbeing. How you decide to practice gratitude is up to you. But I do recommend writing down at least 3 things you’re grateful for at the end of the day in your journal. (small step)

You could also thank a friend face-to-face, thank people who serve you in coffee shops or supermarkets. Even saying hello to people you meet or simply sit and quietly reflect on all the good in your life at the end of the day. Experts recommend adding variety to your gratitude practice by expressing your thanks in different ways each day, for things both big and small, to keep the practice meaningful and fresh.

Savouring positive experiences and thoughts will “teach” the brain to fall into a more naturally positive pattern. Studies have shown that even writing one thing down you are grateful for each day (small step) will lead to better mood levels and fewer illnesses.

Stop gossiping and complaining. Are the things you are talking about bringing you more of what you want? Or are they adding to your sense of negativity?

9 Practice Kindness

 Be kind towards yourself and others. Practice random acts of kindness and expect nothing in return. Helping others has been scientifically proven to boost your own mood and lengthen your lifespan. You don’t need to offer to volunteer, maybe that’s something you can do later, but there are some things you can do:

1. Something as simple as holding doors open for others
2. Giving someone your parking ticket if there is extra time left on it
3. Give money to charity
4. Donate clothes
5. Give a gift to a friend just to say thank you
6. Pick up litter or join a group that keeps your community tidy

The list is really endless here. Anything at all just to make this world a better place to live for others. But don’t expect a thank you. Keep it simple and do it out of the kindness of your heart. Any of the above is a small step that you can do every day.

10 Get A Massage

Massages feel really good but what most of us probably do not know is that massages have a direct effect on our serotonin levels. Therefore reducing the stress hormone cortisol by at least 31%. Plus it also increases our dopamine levels.

It doesn’t even have to be a professional massage but a simple one given by a partner or friend will help. If you have had trauma in your life you may need help here before being able to get a massage. You could try Reiki, Reflexology or Acupuncture instead. But you will need to judge this yourself.

11 Watch Your Diet And Exercise.

Diet, Exercise, Drink More Water, Cut Back Alcohol and Add Supplements if needed. Yes the usual suspects are here again. They do have a positive impact on your mental and physical health.

A) Diet: try adding in more fruit and vegetables particularly: Almonds, Avocados, Bananas, Beef, Chicken, Chocolate, Coffee (but cut out by lunch-time), Eggs, Green Tea, Milk, Watermelon, Yogurt, all these will raise your dopamine levels.

B) Exercise: it boosts our dopamine levels. More specifically, exercise increases multiple neurotransmitters, serotonin and endorphins and dopamine, all receive a boost. Not only impacting on your physical health but mental health and sleep quality too.

A simple walk for 15 to 20 minutes at least once a day will do. It is best to walk in the morning for two reasons:

1. We’ll burn more calories, and
2. We mentally prepare ourselves for the day ahead.

Not only will our brain reward us with a kick of serotonin, we’ll burn off some calories in the process. But adding any form of exercise you like to your daily self-care routine is okay. Try a variety of activities and add fun types of exercise too.

A small step here if you haven’t exercised in a while is to just do 10 minute walk a day to start, maybe at lunch-time to get you away from your desk.

C) Drink More Water: it goes without saying it will help hydrate you but also aid in flushing out any toxins in your body.

D) Add Supplements (if needed speak to you main doctor first): GET SOME 5-HTP: It has been found effective in treating anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, insomnia and hypertension. 5-HTP accomplishes these things by stimulating the production of serotonin. A dosage of 100 to 400 milligrams per day, taken in multiple doses i.e. at breakfast, lunch and dinner, is recommended. A time period of 4 to 6 weeks is needed before you see any tangible benefits.

TAKE SOME B VITAMINS: Aids in both the development and function of serotonin in the brain. Those prone to stress should consider supplementing their diet with a B-complex. Both vitamin B6 and vitamin B12 are effective in lessening depressive symptoms.

Acetyl-l-tyrosine: Another building block of dopamine. A healthy dose of this makes it easier for the brain to produce dopamine.

Curcumin: An active ingredient that’s also common in curry spices and turmeric.

Ginkgo Biloba: A tremendously popular wonder supplement that’s also believed to boost dopamine levels and keep it circulating in the brain longer.

L-theanine: Increases multiple neurotransmitters in the brain, including dopamine. Green tea is a terrific source for this. Please check with your GP before taking any supplements particularly if you are on other medication.  

E): Reduce alcohol use or cut it out of your life completely.

12 Keep Those Medical Appointments.

Another obvious one is to see your GP for any medical issues or your dentist. This is more important if you have neglected these.

13 Checklist Small Tasks

 Dopamine increases when we are organized and finish tasks, regardless if the task is small or large. So, don’t allow your brain to worry about things that need to be done.

A): Instead, write these tasks down (make it your top 3 tasks for each day) and then check them off one at a time. It’s been shown that it’s more satisfying to the brain’s dopamine levels when we physically check something off of our to-do list.

B): Make a visual aid such as a calendar to see how often you have achieved something. You could use one for exercise, adding a new vegetable or fruit to your diet, etc. Use it to set goals and work through the smaller steps to achieve that goal. This will keep the dopamine coming.

14 Create Something

When we’re in creative mode we can become hyper-focused. Dopamine is the brain chemical that allows us to achieve this state. So take up a hobby or activity in which you actually create something tangible. Try something like art, crafts, writing, photography, knitting, car repair, metal or woodwork, or something else that sounds interesting.

Remember to start small.

It’s all about starting small or it won’t work if you become too overwhelmed. So pick one of the above tips and start working only this. When you have completed that change, move onto the next tip or topic in your life you’d like to change. It is a learning curve you are trying to incorporate changes into your lifestyle that will last a lifetime.

Realize that you have more control over your life than you thought. 

You are not a victim of your circumstance, past, family upbringing, trauma, or anything else. You can change your life in an instant. No one is responsible for how you feel right now but you. So take back your power now.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. In fact I would strongly advice you make sure you create a positive support system before you start to make any changes in your life. One part of that positive support system is working a therapist.

If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.