It’s coming up to that time of year when we make New Year’s resolutions. Everyone tries them but most unfortunately fail. You may feel like not bothering this year if you feel already hampered by stress. But that would be a bad idea. When we are stressed our lives are usually out of alignment. We need to find balance again.

By taking some time to reflect first you will be in a better position to find what suits you better. Plus bring more balance back into your life. You will find out what and where you want to focus your time and energy on. Then you will find you feel more in control over your life.

When we are stressed we do tend to focus too much on the wrong things. We can’t see the solutions because we are focusing on the wrong area. It is vital that you make sure you are focusing on what’s really important to you. Otherwise we tend to sabotage ourselves very quickly. It really is about asking yourself the question: Am I focusing on the right things for me?

Start With Some Reflection.

Let’s begin with a review of the various areas in your life over the last twelve months. It isn’t as daunting as it seems at first. We can take one area at a time, even spending sometime each month working on only one area.

To decide which areas in the future you should prioritize then I would suggest you ask yourself: If I don’t prioritize this area of my life will it have a knock on affect onto other areas of my life? For example if you don’t make your health a priority goal then you may become ill. This will have a knock on affect onto your relationships, work, home life, etc. So having a goal around your health would be a priority for you. So which area will you prioritize?

Areas You Could Focus On.

Areas where you could focus your attention on for this review could be as follows. But remember only pick one to review at a time so you don’t become overwhelmed. This awareness will be your first step to reclaiming that balance in your life.

Physical & Mental Health.

A review of this area would include looking at your exercise, food, alcohol, smoking (if you do), doctor visits, dentists visits, stress levels, sleep, “me” time, sex, medications, etc. So what is going on for you in this area?

1. Have you visited the doctor and dentist as you needed you?
2. Are you medications still working properly for you, or do you need to speak to your doctor?
3. What about exercise and food, do you need to make changes?
4. Are you taking some time for yourself (“me” time)? This time is for hobbies/interests/spirituality/personal time alone.
5. What about your stress levels or maybe anxiety, etc?
6. Have you looked at how you speak to yourself?
7. Your core beliefs and values, are they out of line with your current life?

Your mental health will impact your physical health so make sure you connect looking after both. What is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you?

Family Relationships.

Reviewing this area of your life would include looking at all your family members.

1. How do they treat you?
2. Are they positive people to be around?
3. Can you call on them in an emergency or even at any time?
4. Are there any past issues that you haven’t dealt with related to your family? If left unresolved this will have a negative impact on your current relationships. Even if the person is dead you need help to move forward so please reach out for support.
5. Is there any sibling rivalry still going on?
6. Or any ongoing issues within the family that needs to be resolved? Perhaps it is an argument between family members that others are getting dragged into. Or an elderly family member needs more support. Or you are being left to deal with something alone while others take no responsibility. So you need to ask for help here or seek professional support?

Think about everything in this area that might be adding to your stress and that feeling of unbalance in your life. What is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you?

Partner.

In this area of your life there can be a number of things we need to review.

1. How are you communicating with one another?
2. Are you being open and honest with one another or hiding stuff, being disrespectful instead?
3. Are you taking each other for granted?
4. Are you arguing more than in the past?
5. Are you bringing past issues to this relationship?

It’s time to be honest and admit if you have problems. These don’t mean your relationship is at an end, it just means you need to work together to build a stronger relationship. So ask for help if you need it sooner rather than later and don’t allow things to fester. Stop shoving things under the carpet, be honest. You also need to create some gratitude, a simple but effective one that is always overlooked. What is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you?

Friends.

Just like with family we need to review the friends we have in our lives.

1. Is every person in your life a real friend? Or are they the kind that does the “the lower you are, the better I feel about myself” kind of friendship. They build their own ego up by putting you down. What about the ones who only meet up when it suits them and are never there when you need a real friend. Or they support you when you make them feel better about themselves. But once things go your way they can’t seem to support you.
2. What about the one that brings out the worst in you or your behaviour? You end up not liking who you are around them. In fact any of these people might even undermine or gossip about you behind your back. Why are we putting up with such unsupportive behaviour? We tend to keep ourselves stuck in these types of “friendship”. Perhaps we don’t want to let someone down, we might have low self-esteemor they do fulfill a place in our lives.
3. So what are you getting out of these kinds of relationships?
4. What role, or need, do they fulfill in your life?

These are valid questions we have to ask if we are to let these “friends” go and move on with more healthy friendships. Again what is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you? Can you let someone go?

Home.

1. In this area the first question we need to ask about our home is we feel safe within our home. If we do not then this would have to be rectified. Because no matter what else might be wrong or right inside or physically with our home we will not feel safe.
2. We also have to include home security here in terms of renting or financial pressures from mortgage and home running costs.
3. Next we need to look at clutter. Has clutter built up in your home? This can happen so quickly and once cleared can have a huge impact on our mental and physical health. We can put off home repairs so these can build up and nag us.
4. What needs to be repaired? Simply make a list to get it out of you head. Then decide what you wish to prioritize. Take it slowly and decide on a short time frame to a lot to the task.

What is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you?

Children.

Parenting is tough role to take on for everyone. In this area I would work with my partner if you have one.

1. One thing to consider though is that when children and teens act up it maybe a reaction to other areas being off balance. So look at all areas. Remember to pick your battles when it comes to behaviour changes you want your child to make. We also have to look at our own behaviour.
2. What are we modelling for our children?
3. Have your children gotten older, do the house rules need revisiting?
4. Have structures or routines changed lately?
5. Look at outside influences here such as school or after school activities. Also look at their diet, exercise and sleep routine if you think these might have changed enough to cause problems for your child. Mostly though when we look at this area we reflect on our relationship with our child.
6. So be honest with yourself do you spend enough time just listening and encouraging? I know we don’t have much time these days. But when we review where we are spending our time then we usually can find more time just for our children. After all they won’t be children for long.

Again what is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you and your child?

Career & Colleagues.

In this area we can look at a variety of things, from relationships to career path. Relationships with colleagues can have huge impact on our stress levels and personal life.

1. What are your colleagues like – positive or negative?
2. What is your manager like to work for, negative or positive points?
3. Is your workplace a supportive or toxic environment to work in? Toxic environments can have a hugely negative impact on our lives.
4. What is it about your job that you enjoy?
5. Does it satisfy you or are you thinking of changing careers? Changing careers is not that unusual anymore.
6. What would you rather do as a career instead?
7. Can you take any training or steps towards this change now?
8. What about children and your career, is your job having a positive or negative impact on your relationship with your children?
9. What about your relationship with your partner, family and friends?
10. How much time do you spend working? Do you suspect you are a workaholic?

What is the top priority here that if changed could make a difference for you?

The above questions are only some suggestions. I’m sure you can think of many others that may be more specific to your situation. Take your time when you reflect but don’t allow procrastination or perfectionism to get in the way either. The next stage is to make some priority action steps in the area you have chosen. Then take action to rebalance your life.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.